Most embarrassing 'conquest'

[bobjugs12]

Ladies and Gents, i'm going to be a bit personal now. I know it's unlike me to ever discuss the act of intimacy but I thought i'd break the habit of a lifetime and start a thread.

So go on then folks. Whilst we're among friends, what was the worst sexual experience you ever had?

Was it the bloke with a gut bigger than a Transit van and the smell of 4 day old BO that you picked up in a dingy nightclub; or was it the strange drunk girl that tasted of vomit and kept calling you Dave (even though that isn't your name)?

Lets be honest and all have a good giggle.


I'll start:
My most embarrasing one was when I was 17. I'd just been fired from my job, and me and my bezzer had gone out for a couple (yeah right!!) of drinks. We ended up with these two women older than our Mums buying us drinks all night. As the pub closed they invited us back to theirs, where we carried on drinking before he went upstairs and I got jiggy on the couch. Next morning me and Rich realised what we'd done and tried to sneak out. But the ladies had locked the door and hidden the keys. They then announced that they wouldn't release us unless we promised to go back, and left a token of our honesty with them. So they ended up with my P45 from my last job, and Rich's spare house key. We never went back for them though........
The end

[Booldawg]

LOL sounds like down-payment for a relationship!

[carrust]

I was 18, she was 18st. I'd had a few barley wines on top of 5pts of beer & a curry from the Chinese. She dragged me into the bedroom, & after 10mins or so I got the playing snooker with a rope syndrome.
In disgust she got on top of me...the contents of my stomach decided to head north..dark bedroom couldn't find door..spewed up in middle of floor...turned light on
...all over her clothes...ooo errr

Still mentioned in dispatches over 30yrs lkater

[Booldawg]

LOL Carrust - classy! Mine was when I was 17 and lost my virginity. It was part of a threesome. To be fair I didnt mind as mates were giving me a barracking about being a virgin. I was just please to be there. LOL it was this blokes girlfriend who had the hots for me. Obviously he went first while I waited in the dining room. It was a bit like waiting for a dental appointment.

[carrust]

You don't get sloppy seconds at the dentist booldawg. LOL

[bobjugs12]

Mmmmmmmm bool. You stir that porridge!

[carrust]

lol @ bob...I have porridge for breakfast every day :-(((((((((((((

[bobjugs12]

Who's porridge are you stirring everyday then carrust??

[carrust]

Only my own............................hopefully.....
.........................

[Booldawg]

fortunately she wasnt on the pill so hatting up was the order of the day!

[bobjugs12]

Still no excuse bool........you durty durty man!! ;-)

So, with the exception of bool and carrust, has nobody else ever done anything to be ashamed of???

[NoMercy]

Apart from a bit of cradle snatching in Paphos, nope. :-)

[bobjugs12]

Come on then, NoM, spill the beans :D

[McMouse]

Bj from a toothless geriatric in a rooftop shanty in Hong Kong.

[NoMercy]

He was 20, I was 27. He was a Squaddie. ;-)

[bobjugs12]

McMouse, did you have to pay for that?
NoM, you tease ;-)

[NoMercy]

Scusi... but how am I a tease? ;-)

[bobjugs12]

Just dripping out little bits of information like that. We want the gory details ;-)

[McMouse]

Regret to say that I did pay...............my recollection from many years ago is that I negotiated to HK$ 5, which was about 60p.

[NoMercy]

But there was nothing embarrassing about what happened. Except for the fact that I was having such a swell time with the Squaddie, I ended up missing my flight to Cairo. lol.

[AlBags]

I was at Saints, Bob .. in the RAF. We did grab-a-gran in Cardiff New Street. Taken home by someone I couldn't identify at the time .. as I was mashed.
Woke up about to be pounded by this ... all I can describe it as is "a beast" on top of me. Made my excuses about being late for work .. She drove me to work through the main gate (I knew all the lads) and dropped me at work. Unfortunately, she was spotted by the lads. Never lived it down for years. Never even knew her name. All I know is she worked for Channel 4 Wales. : )