Infant raised by granparents question

[oldexpat]

This couple I know basically have a 1 year old child. The wife wants to go to uni for a year to get a decent job and the farther works full time. The only way that the wife can go to uni is 2 options.
1. Husband works overseas and the wifes parents fly over to UK to take care of the baby while the wife goes to uni.
2. Husband works either overseas or in the UK and the child is left abroad with the grand parents for 2 years.

If it is option 2 and the child had very little contact with his parents for 2 years would this have any kind of psychological detriment to the child. At the age of three the child would not speak English so would it make it traumatic for the child to come back and settle into an English speaking country? I am trying to give this guy some advice here but dont know what. What do you think?

[cathfromsaron]

i bring up my grandchild and he has not suffered by it, because he was neglected before.

but this situation is different. i feel its crazy and all the options have not been considered. if she only wants to go for one year, is she already part qualified?

does she know that there are loads of part-time or evening degree courses around and plenty have child care and transport provided. also, if she wants a better job, she could consider working for an organisation which has its own degree programme (like banks)??

i think that breaking up the family under these circumstances would be seen as neglect, and a very sticky legal area.

cath

[jackthehat]

I'm sure Archie would be just fine with his grand-parents, gravy.

[craft1948]

I believe some, if not all, UK universities now have creches....

[China Doll]

Sounds ridiculous as options go and I'd have a re-think. There are nannies, nurseries, part-time courses etc...

[grasscarp]

I'm with Cath on this one. The husband is working full time, so why does she need to go to university now. what about the open university if she feels she must work towards a degree at this stage? Why have a child if you dont have the time or inclination to look after it?

[China Doll]

Lol Jack... Agreed!

[ummmm]

i think that breaking up the family under these circumstances would be seen as neglect, and a very sticky legal area.


^^^^What a load of rubbish.

[LoftyLottie]

Didn't know your baby was named after the parrot. Hi Gravy.

[Sqad]

I was brought up by my grandparents............................so think twice ;-)

[LoftyLottie]

My grandparents took a great part in bringing me up in my first couple of years.

[ummmm]

So was I to a certain extent. Didn't mean I suffered any neglect.

[ladyalex]

You have to try to see things from the child's point of view.
Whilst no one will neglect him, I'm sure, at present he has bonded with his parents. If he is uprooted (or his parents are) he will be hugely distressed, though he will eventually bond with his grandparents......then his parent return and wrench him away ...even huger distress for him.
Find a solution which allows parents and child to stay together.......children are not furniture , they have feelings too.

[LoftyLottie]

My Mum was very ill, so it was a necessity.

[oldexpat]

Well the thing is the farther is overseas now and hasn't seen him for 4 months now. It is a PGCE she will be doing to be a teacher. The grand parents seem to think its the best idea as that is the 'asian tradition' that the granparents take care of the grand kids while the parents go out to work.
Ladylex do you really think children that young have that much of a memory to have such deep emotional ties?

[jackthehat]

Why are you talking in the third person..........?

Most of us know who you are in any case. How is Libya ?

[ladyalex]

I am sure that they have emotions and memories.

[wolf63]

It the in-laws arrive to help you take care of the baby you will never get them to leave again.

Would you be able to get a job locally for the year - you and your wife can work out the child minding arrangements between you. This means that you will benefit from valuable time with the little one too.

By the way - that is one ugly dog that you have. Or is it just a bad photograph?

Are the grandparents young enough to cope with looking after such a young child? What about your parents and family?

[brenda]

I was brought up by my grandparents from birth to about 17years of age.TBH it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I had a wonderful childhood, security and so much affection.
It was a total culture shock to return to my parent's home at about 17, and after about a year I left the area for good,have not been back since.

[boxtops]

IMO we are not only talking about the question you pose, but as you mention later, there is a different culture involved as well. I have friends from the Asian subcontinent whose mother actually lives with them and she has a great part in bringing up their children. If this is the only option then my personal preference would be for the grandparents to come here so that the child in raised in he UK culture and language (although most Asian children are already bilingual IME), and the mother will see the child every night if the GPs live in their house. However, has the mother explored the child care on offer through the University? Most have creches or voucher schemes for child care to support mature students. Also, re schooling, if he stays in the UK then the child can also then be booked into schools in the UK without any worries about residency, given that he will be probably 4 by the time the mother qualifies. If the child has been seen as living abroad, that may have implications for getting their names down for a local school and for settling down in the eduction system, Option1 would be my definite preference

[sophie_1003]

I don't think this would have any serious psychological detriment on the child, maybe would be a bit traumatic in transitionary periods but in the long run shouldn't think it would cause any harm. But can imagine it would be quite upsetting for the parents to have their child very upset for a while when he/she returns to them as in the child's view they will have been removed from their primary care giver (i.e. the grandparents). Also, they would have to bear in mind that there is usually a silent period when a child with English as an additional language arrives in England (or going into any country not knowing the language I imagine) before they begin to learn enough English to communicate.