Who has the right to say what is written on a headstone.

[Maggiemoo]

My mother died some 20 years ago and my siblings and I paid for her funeral and headstone. My recently deceased father (who has been buried in our mother's grave) left his estate to a person none of us knew and as part of his will, he left instructions for this person to make sure his side of the headstone was inscribed appropriately. My siblings and I decided that it was important that we made the decision about what was inscribed on it and have had it done. This person however, has had it removed and inscribed with something which is not true of my father. Morally and legally can this person do this?

[barry1010]

Horrible situation for you, but his will should be followed.

[venator]

Sounds like you're going against your father's will?

[cathfromsaron]

minefield but usually he who pays the piper calls the tune!

[barry1010]

Well they've both paid the piper in this instance.

[sandyRoe]

As you and your siblings paid, you own the headstone and can decide whats on it.
Couldn't you find a compromise with the other person?

[cathfromsaron]

yes, did they destroy what you had engraved, or just remove it and hand it back? (i don't know how these things are attached) but if you knew they had been instructed in the will, you may not have a case.

[Maggiemoo]

My father didn't specify what was to be written, just something appropriate. What we had inscribed was appropriate but this other person has embellished it to include some untruths, including he was a loving husband and father all of which he was not. It doesn't sit well with any of my siblings and feel it's an injustice to our mother's memory. Does anybody know what the legal standing is on this if his family paid for the original headstone.

[ummmm]

If you and your siblings paid for it then it belongs to you and your siblings.

If he wasn't a loving husband and father, he knew that by putting it in his will like he did!

[jno]

you can't bind anyone with your will - if he felt strongly enough about it he should have arranged it and paid for it all while he was alive.

[keithlbw]

I think you will find that whoever holds the deeds to the grave has the final say on what is put on any headstone , regardless of any will or who paid for the headstone.

[barry1010]

It's not that straightforward. If a headstone topples and breaks my toe, who do I sue?
Who is responsible for the upkeep?
Is a headstone a final gift to the deceased?

Can a person stop another from visiting a grave? Or cleaning a headstone?

People have been prosecuted for desecrating a headstone, but who has reported the desecration?

When you buy a plot you don't own that land - you lease it for a number of years, after which the coffin can be removed and the plot leased again. The headstone will be removed.

[cassa333]

What you want to ask yourselves is... Why did he leave his estate and instructions to someone none of you knew? Was it because you were estranged and had little or no contact with him?

He obviously didn't trust you to do what HE wanted. The fact you don't like the inscription, as it discribe him a a 'loving father and husband' shows, to me at least, that relations between you were not that good.


Don't worry about what is on the headstone. give it time and you will likely not visit that often and when you do you can rremind yourself what an arse he was even in death wanting to be seen aas a good guy.

[cassa333]

PS as executor they can do what they want within the bounds of the will.

Is the executor a woman by chance?

[angeldraws]

As said above, it is the decision of the deeds owner - if you don't own the deeds you can apply (at a fee) but since the funeral & headstone is paid for it would seem that you and your siblings own it....i worked in a crematorium until recently but check with your local authority if they own the crem