Moving out when I'm 16?

[Connorjoyce]

My parents restrict my freedom to the age of a 10 year old, I am not allowed to stay out at friends houses (never have been allowed). My mum texts me every hour to see where I am and what I am doing! I made some friends on holiday who live a 15 minute train journey from me. I am not allowed to see them... I want the freedom that a 16 year old should be given, but I know I am not going to get it here. Moving out will give me the independence and the freedom I have longed for for so long!

[andrew1707]

You can ...but how are you to finance living on your own?

[pastafreak]

There are no rules regarding the 'freedom a 16 year old should be given'.
Where would you live and how would you support yourself? You would not be able to expect support from them,so what will it be-benefits?
Maybe have a talk with your parents-no shouting or emotion-but present as sensible an argument as possible for them giving you some of the 'freedom' you crave.

[Hopkirk]

I agree with Pasta, try to have an adult conversation with your parents about having more freedom.

Believe me you will have bigger problems if you try to leave home at 16.

[Old_Geezer]

Not having been a parent my advice may not be so well informed but I agree with those above. Agree to a time to discuss this time of your life, when you want to be treated less as a child but deep down know you are not yet ready to take on all adult responsibility. I suggest you both try to understand where the other party is 'coming from'. Listen and understand as much as state your own view/experience. Maybe you can go first, unemotionally, and ensure they understand what you are feeling, and then you would need to listen to the responsibilities they have to you and how they could not just give you what you want. And hopefully a compromise could be reached. Yelling at each other about how unfair it is tends to push parties apart not bring them together.

[ojread2]

As a parent I think your mum is way over the top, if this is truly how they are

Is your dad the same? They have to trust you until you give them a reason not to. Have you said this to them?

You might think it's hard living at home but believe me it's harder living away from home and even harder when you are only 16
Personally, I don't think they are going to even consider an adult conversation if they really do treat you like a 10 year old

[pastafreak]

'Being treated like a 10 year old' is from the OPs perspective. We don't know just how mature or immature he may be for his age.. If he behaves like a 10 year-then his parents may be justified in treating him like one.
He's concerned with his 'freedom'...but says nothing about the responsibilities that go with it.
We get 16 year olds in the drop-in centre where I work...and most haven't a clue. Some have left-other's have been kicked out...it's not easy for any of them.

[lcg]

i moved out at 16.....but that was because my mum used to beat the crap out of me every day. not being allowed the level of freedom that you want may be frustrating and your parents may be overreacting in terms of 'letting you go' and giving you the space to go out as you please; but is the relationship with your parents abusive or untoward in any way? i would also suggest actually talking to your parents first, writing down the things you wish to say beforehand so that you keep calm and it is an adult approach to discussing the issue.

if that doesn't work, try staying out and doing what you want to anyway and see what their reaction is. if things then disintegrate into all out warfare between you and your parents, pack a bag and go to your local homelessness unit and say your parents are being very unreasonable and that you cannot live their anymore. you can move out if you want to, but it is likely you will end up in a hostel, bed and breakfast or dingy bedsit. you will also get a minimal amount of benefits to live on and you will struggle to live day by day on income support and carry on in education as an independent student. you must think vry carefully about what you want to do....it may be better to struggle on with your parents until you go to university (if that's what you want to do) as you will access better housing and get a grant to live on (and you will have to work a lot to subsidise your income - i worked 30 hours a week to get through uni). only you can decide what to do....but whatever it is it will be very difficult for you. i wish you luck.

[ojread2]

That's why I said, pasta, 'if the really treat you like a 19 year old'

[Gavmacp]

Get up early, leave a note saying you are running away and why. At the bottom of the note say there is a note about why. This will give them a few minutes of he'll. (if not obvious you have to leave for them to think you are serious).
In second note tell that you are not running away but you need to talk about the ground rules they are setting as this is making your life a misery.
I had a friend who could do anything he liked when I said that was great he told me he felt his parents did not care about him.
I hope this makes sense as brain not in gear this morning.

[JonnyBoy12]

I agree with the others that you would not be able to finance this moving out. If they do not let you have a sleepover then I would very much doubt if they would let you move out at this tender age.

[Nibble]

Connor, don't even think about it - where would you live? how would you feed yourself? Even if you went to live with a mate's parents, you'd still need to pay for your food and lodgings. A sixteen year old living rough on the street is not a happy prospect.

There have been several other threads about this topic - you might want to try searching for them in the red box at the top of the page, to see what others have said.

[Brinjal]

There's no place like home cj. Are you the eldest child or an only child? I'm sure your parents are only doing what they feel is best for you. Talk to them rationally and without getting all upset. Explain that you need friends your own age and want to socialize . But
you do have to act rationally and responsibly.

[Maydup]

Do you have a Saturday job? Maybe this would be a good starting point. Depensing on your interests, try local shop, riding stables, hairdresser, buidling site, newsagent and see if you can get anything suitable.

This might help to earn you a little bit of freedom, independence as well as some money. Mum wouldn't be able to text you every hour if you were at work as your phone would be out of bounds until your break time. It would help her to gradually reduce the contact and start to let go safe in the knowledge that she knows where you are.

Second question - have you ever done anything to cause her to worry about you in the way she does?

[emmie]

you can but you then have to pay your own way, do you have a job, can you finance yourself or are reliant of state handouts, as that won't get you far. Good luck, you will need it.