Hadstone inscription without my consent

[massingbird]

Does anybody know if it is legal for my name to be used without my consent on my late father's grave? I have objected to the Vicar to no avail, I am next of kin yet his unmarried partner has claimed ownership of the grave and at the moment no law seems to be able to stop my name being on there.

[factor-fiction]

The key here is who should decide on the wording of a headstone. Is it whoever pays the bill? It's a good question and I hope someone can tell us

[factor-fiction]

I don't think the vicar can be expected to consult everyone who is on the proposed inscription but I don't know whose view takes precedence. I'm not sure 'next of kin' has any legal status.

[ummmm]

Next of kin doesn't have legal status.

Did she pay for the grave?

My Dad is buried in a double plot and I'm named to be the 2nd person in that plot. That is registered with the council.

[woofgang]

I suspect it's the same as publication anywhere. If the intent is not to defame or defraud then you have no redress.

[ummmm]

You don't want your name on your fathers headstone?

[factor-fiction]

I assume massingbird is not happy with the overall wording (maybe she wants her mum's name or her name first) and would rather not be on there if it can't be changed

[massingbird]

Thanks, to clarify every member of our family objects to the wording of the headstone yet an unmarried partner seems to have been able to do as she pleases, she is named on the headstone as am I and my sister, implying we are the unmarried partner's children. Surely there is a UK law stating one cannot be named on any sign/memorial unless by strict consent or we could all place signs on each other's houses etc? Alkso, what does this say about the C of E Church that they choose (in this case) to adopt the stance that marriage and family values have less significance to the Church than being unmarried but claiming right to the grave without the family's knowledge or consent.

[gness]

Is the grave in a churchyard or council cemetery and who paid for the grave and the headstone?

[woofgang]

Umm, my dad disowned his sisters (long story) he wouldn't have wanted to be mentioned publicly in any kind of connection with them.

[dickythecook]

Why would you not want your name on youe Fathers' Headstone? I always thought that the phrase 'Beloved Father of...........' was nice and showed a caring family. If there was some distance or cold feelings between your father and yourself and his partner. then perhaps a little arbitration could solve the problem

[bookbinder]

'... has claimed ownership of the grave ...' She must have some proof of ownership, surely? My wife owns her mother's grave, and she has a document that proves it. Maybe you could make a start by asking to see the proof of ownership.

[factor-fiction]

Sorry, whilst I sympathise I'm not sure what the church can do. Put an advert in the paper in a way similar to planning permission and asking for objections? Do you know what your father would have wanted?

[ummmm]

I think it comes down to who paid for it.

[massingbird]

Thanks for the replies. In answer to some questions raised no, I would only choose to be named on my own headstone. The grave was paid for by an insurance policy which was owned by the Estate but administered by his Partner. As she dealt with the Vicar she has claimed ownership by virtue of association. This now means that only she will be buried with him as his children would need her approval which she will refuse, ownership upon her death will go to her beneficiaries and so on. My objection to the inscription is that I had a simple headstone erected, all agreed by all parties, she then changed her mind and had that removed, replacing it with one that implies she is now my mother and my parents were unmarried. I would have thought, by way of graveyard genealogy policy alone, this would have been considered inappropriate. I don't want to become consumed in a lengthy and expensive legal battle but likewise I would prefer a simple memorial and at least have the right to choose whether I am already named in a graveyard (yes, not cemetery) whilst still breathing!

[VHG]

In law an unmarried partner has little or no "rights" when their partner dies (they dont automatically get the house and money as a married partner does).

They also dont get "control" over the estate of a dead person, and I am surprised she has been alowed to claim "ownership" of the grave.

Unless your father gave permission in his will about the headstone then I dont believe she has the right to put a headstone up, or do anything else, regarding your father.

If anyone could do it then I would have as much right to put up a headstone for your father as she has.

I would fight her "rights" tooth and nail and make sure she has not got access to your late fathers assests she is not entitled to.

You have more right to his house and other assests than she has (in fact she has no rights to them unless he left them in his will).

Dont let her bully you !!

[factor-fiction]

Is his partner the named executor?

[boxtops]

I'd go to the CAB if I were you, or seek some legal advce.

[massingbird]

Thanks again, I am aware she had no legal rights, however she co-owned the house and the mortgage passed to her, he died intestate and I, as eldest, was named as next of kin, dealing with the death certificate etc. At that time, she was amicable and "got" our agreement to bury him under false pretences i.e it would be our family grave, the policy paid for it etc and with all else that was going on we saw no reason to be awkward, she was grieving too, we all agreed he be buried and the estate would have right to the grave. Behind our back she named herself as owner of the grave, paying with the proceeds of the death policy that she was named administrator for. Since then the situation has deteriorated, that Vicar is aware of the situation but as she has kindly "donated" to the Church the remainder of the death policy it seems case closed, no further discussion and the Vicar is adamant we, as a family of two chidren, my father's mother and two sisters, have no case to present and should like it or lump it. Little wonder the Church in question has less than twenty attendees come any given Sunday these days. In brief, the grave has bveen hijacked but surely my name cannot be inscribed without authorisation?

[massingbird]

We hae sought legal advice yet nobody seems to know if or what law has technically been broken, the Diocese have a Court of appeal but have already stated it will cost many thousands of pounds to go down that route, some comfort in need indeed!

[factor-fiction]

I'm confused by the bit about the insurance policy when you say "The grave was paid for by an insurance policy which was owned by the Estate but administered by his Partner.". As your father died intestate were you appointed as executor? Was his partner named as the beneficiary on the life policy?