I Got Dumped Over A Whatsapp Argument

locitane | 20:26 Mon 12th Oct 2015 | Relationships & Dating

29 Answers

I was seeing a guy for two months. He was 43 and I am 31. He has never been married, I was in 7 years long relationship.
His mum was hysterical and told him to never marry because marriage is hell. He withdraw from every relationship, unless the woman doesn't want any relationship. Well I do want a serious relationship, and once, marriage and kids. I was cheated and went trough depression for two years. I suffer from anxiety of being hurt like this again.

We both told each other about our issues and hoped for the best. We are good people, so we believed we will be ok.

After month or so we had an argument over a Whatsapp. I blamed him he wants to see me only over the weekend and not heading to take me seriously. A few days later he turned off his phone on Friday ( we were meeting each friday ).

We talked, and we promised each other that I wont react with anger next time and talk to him face to face and he won't turn off his phone.

Now...lol..it's getting funnier.

We had an argument last weekend which we managed really nice, we had very nice peaceful communication. After I left his house he briefly answered my messages but never messaged me asking me how I am.

I was sick, but on Friday, he decided to stay at his friend's house and see me on Saturday. I called him and we had a nice chat out our week. Next day texted him back saying that this is not a nice feeling that lately he puts me last, and treat me worse then when I was a stranger for him. He said something in the sense that he does it in purpose so I do not think we are in full time relationship and the amount we communicate is like early stages of friendship. I was shocked.

This was a man that called himself a " boyfriend" and called our relationship, relationship. This was a man who was talking about where we will leave together if this all works out. This was a man who talked about his fears, and shared deep thoughts with me. This was someone I opened up.

I was so hurt. I knew he is with his friend, so i send him 3 long texts, rational , where I was asking about additional solutions, thanked him for a confusion he caused me and I was a bit upset. I still wasn't mad or anything like that, just really hurt. I told him that I do understand we have been together for a while, but I didnt expect we will know each other quickly. I also told him how disapointed I am that he pushes me away and running hot and cold all the time.

He texted me next day, saying that this " storms " his mum was giving to him, and giving himself into our relationship, he is exposing himself to an environment he was trying to avoid for so long so he feels he cannot do this to himself. And " its not just me, but him , his withdrawal and reservedness" I got dumped. The whole text was super long and looked like it really hurt him deeply.

I am very much in pain, because just a week ago we spent together amazing weekend. Actually I do not remember when we spent a bad time together which shows me, we can communicate the issues. Well, obviously not via Whatsapp, but I am shocked that I got dumped because I put up " THE STORM " via whatsapp.

I know this whole story must sound rediculous. I can't believe this happened to me. I feel like maternity school. I dont know how to deal with men I guess. Shall I just be happy or submimissive, expressing gentle dissapointment, if they give me high standards and then lower them ?

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ummmm

Just be yourself. You don't sound well suited as a couple. You're needy and he's distant. Find yourself a man who likes to be needed.

locitane

Question Author

Thank you. Maybe I was being needy, but to be honest, I am not that much. I have mu own business, so most of the time I am busy. I have also very safe and wide circle of friends, so I don't think I wasnt giving him space. Once he told me he needs it, so i gave it without any issue. The problem is silent treatment.

Also, I wonder is he "distant " or generaly just unavailable for any kind of relationship.

ummmm

After 2 months I wouldn't be sending long winded texts about relationship issues.

Hypognosis

@ummmm

//Find yourself a man who likes to be needed.//

A what?

A man with no hobbies, or interests? Possibly no friends or other calls on their time.

And what is the difference between "needing to be needed" and being needy, themself?

locitane

Question Author

I know i should have not. But I fell in love:( i wanted to be with him more:(

jennyjoan

sorry locitate -feel for you but the following are excerpts from your post

This was a man that called himself a " boyfriend" and called our relationship, relationship. This was a man who was talking about where we will leave together if this all works out. This was a man who talked about his fears, and shared deep thoughts with me. This was someone I opened up.

not a man in my estimation - get yourself another man for gawds sake get yourself to the church on time - you have time on your side

ummmm

Some people need and want to spend time with their partners. Others like to spend their time doing their own thing. Locitane wants more than is being offered. So he's either not really interested or not a suitable match.

woofgang

you didn't fall in love, you fell in need. Stop agonising and rehashing and get on with your life.

locitane

Question Author

@woofgang

I am sorry but I am quite sane to recognize my own feelings yet. Also I know how it feels when I am really needy. You do not know me, so please stop judging me.

I like how we all woman are so called crazy and needy. Like to turn off the phone in 43 is completely normal. Like to sleep with a girl and make her dream about future together and dump her because she got emotional in stupid whatsapp is completely fine. I have a surprise for you. Most of women are emotional.

Any other opinions ?

ummmm

Oh...men can be much worse than women in the needy stakes. Should say needy people instead.

melv16

Thud...

Sycamore3House

If your relationship takes this much effort it is not much of a relationship. This chap has a different agenda to you and why argue over phones and text messages and whatsapp. These are all media's that keep people hanging on to hope. Why can't you just talk to one another preferably face to face instead of text messages that do not show emotion.

locitane

Question Author

@sycamore3house

Thanks. What I needed to know was if he was misleading me and just talked nice..because that is what made me confused!

Yeah you are right. I think I have done it over the text because I didn't want to see him anymore myself:/ childish anyway.

Dee Sa

draw a line under this so called relationship and move on.
stop torturing yourself over this doomed relationship that was not going anywhere. Try and be a little more casual when you start again.
Long texts are boring.