Is my friends husband having an affair?

[sam100]

My friends husband has a job working away from home during the week. When he first went away (just before xmas) he rented a room in a house from a lady who he became good friends with (who is gay) My friend found a few very ambiguious text's on his phone from this lady and questionned him. He instisted that they were just mates and he was making an effort as she was his landlady. She asked him to move out of this ladies houe and in to a hotel so he did. My friend has since checked his phone bills and phone and all communication has stopped. ONLY PROBLEM IS... No money has gone out of their bank account for hotels and she doesnt even know what hotel he is staying in. Last night we called round 10 hotels where he is working, including two that he had said he had stayed in and none of them have had bookings for him in the last month.... He has also bought a blackberry and she does not know the number.... There are no receipts or anything related to him working away in the house... They are pretty straped for cash at the mo and while she was been at home looking after the kids he has been drawing �200 out of the bank for one night out with the lads and has been paying for women to dance in front of him in clubs. Last weekend he made the excuse that he had to go back to work early at the weekend as he was needed but bumped into a mutual friend when drunk and told her he was going back to take the lads out on a bender.. My friend is more worried by what she doesnt know than what she does know. Any advice greatfully received.

[4getmenot]

Oh my god you 2 sound like Rosemary & Thyme

[4getmenot]

all she has to do is ask him, she obviously shouldnt be with him anyway, talk about trust I cant see any in the facts above.

[ummmm]

Just sounds like he's having a bit of a party. And surely the first thing you ask your husband is what hotel he's staying in.....Even just out of curiosity

[sam100]

4Getmenot: lol, luckily we are not that old!!!
On a serious note tho she did try and ask him and he got in a flap, rightly or wrongly so!

[sam100]

Thanks Ummmm. I did tell her that she had been stupid not to know where he was staying just incase anything ever happened with tone of he kids etc..u never no do u?

[PinkFizz]

Why hasn't she asked him direct the name of the hotel he is staying in, as she would need it in an emergency.

[redcrx]

why doesnt she go around to the womans house and see if hes there. If she cant get him by phone because he hasnt given her the number then he cant blame her for trying other means to get hold of him.

[4getmenot]

maybe he just doesnt have the heart to tell this other woman his wife wont let him stay there. Sometimes that can quite embarrass a bloke, the wife giving the orders.

[4getmenot]

and can I ask whats a blackberry, sorry if I'm being thick. and how the hell did you get 10 hotels to give you booking information

[sam100]

Redcrx: As i mentioned in the question he works away from home which is a 6 hr drive away. So slinging the kids in the back of the car to drive 6 hrs up the motorway to go to someones house is not really part of the equation but thanks for the reply.

[crete]

sam im sorry but i dont have time to read a novel.: )

[nannon]

what type of things did the texts say?? Flirty, dirty...?

And i don't understand why she does not have the new Blackberry number...? Thats a bit odd.

Also are there payments going out for the other house where he rented the room? If not then thats strange to -is he living somewhere rent free?? Money would be going out to either a hotel or the rented room - unless he is in a r'ship and just staying there....hmmm...suspicious....

[redcrx]

if she really wanted to find out then she'd travel. I'd certainly do it if my partner was being so secretive and was blatantly lying and trying to make a fool of me.
Sitting at home asking questions which he avoids answering wont do her any good at all.

[sam100]

As far as i know a Blackberry is a handheld phone/computer gadget thing!?

We did ring round 10 hotels and all of them checked everybit of info we asked which is totally against the data protection act...what is more worrying is that they are all national hotel chains!

[sam100]

Hi nannon thanks for the reply.

The texts were not filthy/explicit types but certainly very flirty. He has also taken her out to dinner on a 'get to know each other as i am renting a room' basis.

No money or receipts for the renting of the room or hotel room.

[tiny e.a]

It sounds like the best thing your friend can do is sit her husband down and insist on an honest conversation. Tell him she's noticed no money has gone out for hotels and ask him to explain. I wouldn't advise her to ask in anger (or at least not to show it if she is angry), it gives him more excuse to become defensive. The two of them need to discuss this whole stuation, she needs to tell him about her concerns and he has to come up with some answers. No amount of speculation by you and her, or by people on ab, about whether or not he's having an affair is going to help this siuation.

I hope your friend gets it sorted, and either way she'll be grateful for your support.

[4getmenot]

wont be using any national chains to the dirty on my bloke then lol :-)

[gina32]

how does she know that the �200 is for nights out with the lads and what lads and how does she know he has had women dancing in front of him in clubs? does he always work away at the same place, she seems to know alot of things but not his phone number! mmmm strange, whats she doing letting him take vast amounts of money out without talking about it if things are so tight??

[sam100]

Thanks Tiny e.a for your reply. He is due home this evening so i am sure a chat will be imminent....
I care for them both and just dont want them to throw 10 years of marriage down the drain!

[nannon]

is their a chance that his work could be paying for the hotel/room?