Happy and Sad at the Idea of Having Another Child.

[k8bailey]

My partner and I are thinking about having another child, we already have a daughter, who is 16 months old. We would both love to have another baby, I loved being pregnant and our daughter is my world, motherhood is the best thing to happen to me so far, but I'm scared at the thought of doing it again.

Mainly I worry about our little girl, I feel guity about the idea of her having to share us, and not being the centre of our attention, because she won't understand whats going on. I'm worried that I could never love another baby as I love her, or that she will end up feeling left out. On the other hand, I don't wan't my daughter to be an only child, I couldn't and wouldn't want to, imagine my childhood without my little brother in it, and I'd like her to have a similar experience.

I also worry about my health, I have a heart defect which makes pregnancy a bit riskier, I need to be health for my little girl, so how can I risk it? There are also quite a few birth defects in my family, which is a scary, but luckily our daughter is ok.
Despite all of that I had a fairly healthy pregnancy 1st time around, but I was such a mess after having my little one, I had quite a traumatic labour/birth and a few problems afterwards, both physically and mentally. My partner and I went through a very rough time in the first six months of our daughter's life and I honestly didn't think we'd be together by the time she turned one, but things did and have worked out....I'm scared of going through that again though!

I don't really have a question but was just wondering if others had felt like this?

[redcrx]

hi K8,
I cant answer about your heart problem and relationship, but i can say this.

All mums i think, worry about how they can love a second child as much as the first. Its hard to comprehend that its possible, but it is. You will love both equally.

The worry about the first child feeling pushed aside is different in reality. When new baby comes along they will sleep the majority of the day, use the time to sit quietly with the older child and talk or play.

Little CRX was almost 3 when baby came along, he'd had a while to get used to being on his own, but he loves his little sister.

[k8bailey]

Thanks red, I'm just over thinking things, again! My doctors say there's no reason why I can't have another sucessful pregnancy. Our relationship has changed so much and is, I hope, much stronger - well, at least we kind of know what we're getting ourselves into this time around!

My worries about Nancy feeling left out are pretty ridiculous I suppose - she's still at an age where she won't be able to remember a time when it was just the 3 of us, and I don't feel like my mum loved me any less just because she had my brother. You're right I can't imagine having enough love for two children, but I also had no idea that I could love the 1st one so much!!

[upsydaisy]

Hi K8 - I know exactly how you feel (apart from having heart probs or the relationship stuff) - am due to give birth in 2 weeks my son will be almost 3 when this one is born. I had a very difficult birth and initially took weeks to bond with my son, but I think somehow it has made me love him even more. I am terrified I won't love this one as much (how can it be possible???) but like you am very close to my brother and hope my son and his sister will be the same. My son is that bit older than your daughter so have been able to involve him a lot with what is happening and talk to him about it, which I hope helps him to adjust. Pregnancy is MUCH harder with a toddler to look after becuase you can't get much rest but its good preparation as when the baby is born, whereas 1st time round you'd rest when baby rests this time baby asleep is your opportunity for mummy and child no 1 time! I guess the fact your partner is keen to try again shows you have come through your difficulties together and become much stronger as a result of it. I hope that I am better prepared this time around - I fell like I am , and you too will know what to expect. Best wishes whatever you decide xx

[Sachs]

Hi k8,
I can totally understand your worries regards 'sharing' your time with another baby and the feeling that your daughter will somehow suffer not having 100% of 'you' I went through the same emotions and actually got in bed with my little daughter one night & just cuddled her & cried! Of course, once the second child arrived, it was lovely to see the interaction & love between them both! Hormones can make you overly protective while you are pregnant & that's all normal & healthy! You must think over your health concerns though x

[ummmm]

You love them all differently as they are at different stages in life.

[tigwig]

I felt exactly like this yes and despite family telling me otherwise I didn't believe them and we chose (at the time) never to have any more. When my daughter was 4 and not far off starting full time school it hit me like a ton of bricks that I couldn't go through life without having another! After convincing hubby, I fell pregnant when it wasn't supposed to happen due to our horrific financial situation but I am so glad it happened and think it was fate. I now have 10 weeks to go and our daughter who is 5 can't wait. If you aren't sure yet, wait a while and see how you feel. There's no set time really is there? I personally would have found it very difficult with a baby and a toddler and am very glad my 1st will be 5 as she understands so much more and will love helping out (or at least I hope)

[k8bailey]

Thanks for all your replies, I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this!

We've talked about the situation lots more, I think I'm really scared of having the physical problems I did last time but....I survived, and every birth is different, right?! so that's a pointless thing to be getting worried about now.

I also know the signs of PND and so does my OH, so hopefully that can be avoided next time. like I said earlier we're so much stronger now than we were this time last year, we had a bit of a make or break moment and things worked out.

I feel sad about this chapter of my life being over, where it's just the 3 of us, but I've been looking at it all wrong, I've still got ages with it just being the 3 of us, and it'll be a new exciting chapter if we have another child.

My health is always a concern but, I've been given the all clear, so theres nothing stopping us. We're not in any hurry, just gonna wait and see!! :)