Grandparents rights by Nick Clegg.

[Jenny_penny]

Nick Clegg says they will change the law regarding Grandparents seeing their Grandchildren after a divorce or breakdown? Does this mean the law will change for all Grandparents? Even if there has been no divorce or breakdown of a partnership. Will it cover Grandparents who are denied access due to a family row?

[karenmac60]

And what about when a relationship has become abusive and the mother has had to go into hiding? I can imagine plenty of paternal grandmothers giving their precious son's access to children when they're not supposed to. I know that often grandparents suffer when a relationship breaks down, but it should be a case by case basis and not a one size fits all solution.

[LoftyLottie]

Personally, I do not think that grandparents should have any rights. Will it extend to aunts and uncles or perhaps cousins or second cousins? Why should a grandparent have rights - I wouldn't expect any.

[karenmac60]

It depends how far those 'rights' extend Lottie. If it's a case of man and woman split up, she has the kids and refuses to let them see their grandparents on dad's side for spite, then that is wrong and the children miss out just as much as the adults. But if it means grandparents having a say in how the children are raised etc and it covers all grandparents, regardless of the circumstances, then it's really not on.

[LoftyLottie]

Hi Karen. I think it is too much state interference and will cause all sorts of problems personally. It is a shame if kids are denied access to their grandparents, but once you start going further than parental access where do you stop? I just don't see why grandparents should have any legal rights to see their grandkids. What about older siblings - should they have legal rights as well?

[karenmac60]

I totally agree with you Lofty. While I can sympathise with situations where grandparents and grandchildren are separated and could, I suppose, tolerate any slight change in the law to prevent this, I don't think it should be done at all. I think the government spend too much time focussing on the minute details of people's lives (what they eat, drink etc) and not enough time running the country. All I was trying to say was that if this was brought in, then it would have to be done very carefully as some circumstances aren't just about fairness. Personally I think that only the parents should have any rights and even then, only parents who actively raise their children. Absent parents surely give up those rights when they stop seeing their kids.

[daffy654]

There are many situations where the grandparent would demand access just to p1$$ off the mother/father of the child/ren. I know my mum would try it even though she has no actual interest in any of her grandchildren.
I would never demand to see my grandchildren if for some reason my daughters stopped me from seeing them, although it would break my heart to lose contact. Luckily I have a good relationship with my girls.

[Jenny_penny]

Every child has the right to know their Grandparents as they are part of a childs history, where they came from. My Grandparents died before I was born and I missed not having them around and getting to know them. Obviously if there is violence then access should be supervised but it is not fair on the Children to deny access. Parents often do it out of spite with no thought to how the children are feeling.

[LoftyLottie]

But you can't make laws about it in my opinion. I agree with Daffy and Karen. Only a parent should have a legal right to see a child and only if they want take an active part in that child's life and support a child. How far would you extend this law then Jenny - to brothers and sisters, great grandparents, etc.

It is lovely when families are happy and grandchildren and grandparents can have loving relationships, but if it can't happen then it shouldn't be forced by law.

[craft1948]

lol i never saw my great-grandma 'cos I was told she was dead........only after taking up genealogy did I find out she wasn't.......

[LoftyLottie]

Have you now seen her Craft.

[LoftyLottie]

Personally, I think some grandparents want to interfere too much in a child's life and undermine the parents. Grandparents are great but they shouldn't take over or demand any rights. They should let the parents get on with the job.

Well, that's my opinion anyway. I loved my grandparents to bits!! ;o)

[craft1948]

sadly Lottie I never met her as she did eventually die in the 1950's.

[LoftyLottie]

Shame Craft.

[karenmac60]

I have also seen situations where there are grandparents who have made a complete mess of raising their own children and end up with custody of their grandchildren as the parents are too drug addled/in jail/just don't care enough to raise them themselves. If they made such a bad job of it first time around then why is it assumed they'll do a better job with their children's children. (I stress, I am NOT talking about every parent of a child with problems who has ended up raising their kids - I am talking about specific people I know who were really bad parents themselves resulting in major problems for their kids and who are now making equally bad jobs with their grandchildren)

[Jenny_penny]

Nobody has the right to decide whether a child should see their grandparents or not. Visits can be supervised so there is no excuse. I didn't like my Mother in law and we often had rows but I would never have stopped my children from seeing her. The Grandparents are a part of that child and access should not be denied. It is totally selfish for parents to stop the children seeing their grandparents.Children should see all their family. Adopted children always say that they wished they had known their real families so they find out who they really are. If my Grandparents had been alive and my parents had stopped me seeing them, then I would never have forgiven my parents for making that decision. The sooner the law is changed in favour of grandparents the better!!!

[craft1948]

I think that's a rather simplistic view of things. A neighbour of mine divorced her husband and had never got on with her in-laws, but she gave them access allowing them to see her daughter for the day every couple of weeks. After a while her daughter started making excuses as she did not want to see them.....it turned out that all they used to do was rubbish her mother on her day with them. Unfortunately not all grandparents are the nice people they're supposed to be.

[karenmac60]

But it should be up to the individual, not the state.

[sherrardk]

I agree with you Karen - they can butt in if they think my children are being mis-treated or have rickets, etc otherwise - MIND YOUR OWN BLOODY BUSINESS!

[karenmac60]

Exactly! God, when my daughter was a baby my mum was never done telling me how I was doing everything wrong and I should be giving her a raw egg and a crust of plain bread - oh and some whisky on her gums when she was teething. Can you imagine if I legally had to follow all that advice instead of just saying 'ok mum' and ignoring her? ;)

[sherrardk]

Not exactly following the thread but my biggest irritant is lunch boxes - apparently my children can have a chocolate bar at lunchtime as a treat but not at break time as it is unhealthy - does it magically become healthy in the space of a couple of hours?