Can I stop my ex calling round to the house if he's paying the mortgage?

[peca1n]

I split from my husband over a year ago. He moved out and has a rented flat but his name is still on the mortgage, which he pays instead of maintainance for our 3 children 17, 15 and 10. My problem is that recently he keeps calling over uninvited and sitting here for hours.Sometimes he lets himself in. I've told him I'm not happy with this but he just says it's his house and I can't stop him from calling to see his children. I don't want to move house as it's in a nice area and the children are happy and in good schools.I can't afford the mortgage alone. Can I change the locks if the house is still jointly in his name?

[sara3]

it's sounds unreasonable to me, but I'd suggest you re-post this in "law".

best of luck.

[ummmm]

Yes you can change the locks. Nothing stopping him from changing them back though...

[lotsafun]

oh i really do sympatise with your situation, i wouldnt be happy with my ex doing that iether but in a sense he is right. Whilst hes paying the mortgagea nd has a key to the property then theres not much you can do. Perhaps change the locks when hes not there and having a good chat with him to remind him that as he is no longer residing at the property, and that he should respect the fact thats its your home and to let you have some privacy etc.

[dotty.]

No you can't. He wants to come home can't you see that. the man could have forced you to put the house up for sale to clear the mortgage and split the proceeds, you would have had to find a place for you and the kids. The eldest will be 18 soon and he is no longer obliged to provide a home for that child, the other two would only be considered for maintenance until the youngest reaches 18, so you're on a fixed time for expecting him to support you.

[lotsafun]

dotty has a point, perhaps your ex is coming round for hours on end because hes lonely perhaps and wants some company. A split is hard on all parties, maybe hes feeling it more because he is the one who is out of the family home and has ''nothing'' so to speak.

[society]

Yes, I agree with Dotty, seems like he wants to move back in.

[askyourgran]

No I don't think you are allowed to change the locks. He has a right to visit his home and see his children. Seek legal advice regarding this if you are feeling trapped.

[peca1n]

Thanks, didn't think I could but hoped I was wrong. He's driving me mad! Basically it's a double edged sword I either have my privacy and move and the kids suffer or I try to bat it out and put my own life on hold. By the way he should have thought about being lonely before I caught him doing something or rather someone that he shouldn't. Not bothered about living here for life just long enough so my children can recieve a good education.

[karenmac60]

I can't offer any advice except to say I know how you feel and it doesn't do either of you any good. My ex used to come over to drop our daughter off and he'd end up making himself right at home. I had no privacy and he knew everything that was going on in my life and felt he had the right to comment on it, whereas I knew absolutely nothing about his life. He didn't pay the mortgage or have a key though, and I ended up refusing to let him in - it seemed to be the only way to get the message through. It worked too, after being in some sort of emotional limbo for a good few years, we both moved on and now have new partners - something I don't think would ever have happened if we'd carried on the way we were. I hope you get it sorted, you can't live your life like that x

[peca1n]

Thanks Karen that's exactly how I feel I never go into his flat. I have occasionally dropped the children off outside and that is it. Wish I was in the position to buy him out. I am at Uni at the moment and hope to be in a better job in a year. Fingers crossed I can move my life on then as I will be in a position to either buy him out or sell and buy similar. It's just turning out to be a very long year.

[lotsafun]

Perhaps the best and only way is to move out of the home and find something else nearby so that your children can still go to the same schools. Your ex then has no hold over you, right now he abusing the fact that you share a house fiancially and hes not respecting the fact that he no longer lives there. Sell the house and both have fresh starts maybe

[lazy daisy]

What a clever man....He pays the mortgage instead of maintainance. Therefore in my eyes he is not supporting his children he is only looking after his interest in the house. What happens when the children have left school? He will be able to sell the house and claim all the profit as he has been paying the mortgage and you will be left with nothing! Check out your rights. Find out what help you would get if you took over the mortgage. Find out how much it would cost you to buy him out. Sorry if i seem cynical. But what he is doing just isn't right and you shouldn't have to put up with it.

[Happydaddy]

Why is it always assumed that its the husband ? i find this really disappointing.

I am a father and i am in the same boat, my wife of 6 months was found with another man she moved out and took the kids? why should it be automatic that this is the case ? a 50/50 split is only right.

She has tried the CSA and now wants to move back in ? she has not paid a penny to joint debts, or the mortgage or helped. She has a rented house and hardly works, she wont me have the children more.

But i went to court and now it has been stated that she must pay 50/50 of the debts, the house is mine for me and the children as she left it and now i'm getting a split on the children's benefits, i will always provide for my children. On the house my Ex now has to pay half the mortgage while im there with the boys.

I would change the locks and get a court order to prevent him coming back if that is what is right for you, but 1st ask yourself why fif you have children with this man ? why are you trying to stop him ? on i would not say that as some one posted that he's a clever man for paying the mortgage i would say hes a kind man, children are JOINT responsibilities and every one should pay a fair cost, and if you work you should be able to do what you want with your disposable income ! how is this guy ment to start again when hes paying a mortgage.

Why did you split ?

there two sides to every story.

Im sorry but its not actually about you its the children and every father has a right.