ChatterBank0 min ago
Short Ones
An applicant was filling out a job application.
When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
A small company was on the edge of bankruptcy.
The owner summoned his two-man sales force into his office.
"Things aren't going too well, guys," he announced grimly.
"So to perk up sales I'm announcing a contest. The guy with the most sales gets a blow job."
"What does the loser get?" asked one of the salesmen.
The owner looked at both men and said, "The loser gets to give it."
Researcher: Excuse me madam, I'm conducting a survey.
Woman: Yes, what is it about?
Researcher: We are asking people what they think about sex on the television.
Woman: Very uncomfortable, I would imagine!
At the card shop, a woman was spending a long time looking at the cards.
She kept shaking her head and saying "No."
A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?
"I don't know," said the woman.
"Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your d!ck' cards?"
Two blokes were out walking home from work one afternoon.
"Damn," said the first bloke, "as soon as I get home, I'm going to rip the wife's knickers off!"
"What's the rush?" his mate asked.
"The bloody elastic in the legs is killing me," the bloke replied.
"Get this." said the bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house.
”Did he get anything." his mates asked.
"Yes, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."
When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."
The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"
The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
A small company was on the edge of bankruptcy.
The owner summoned his two-man sales force into his office.
"Things aren't going too well, guys," he announced grimly.
"So to perk up sales I'm announcing a contest. The guy with the most sales gets a blow job."
"What does the loser get?" asked one of the salesmen.
The owner looked at both men and said, "The loser gets to give it."
Researcher: Excuse me madam, I'm conducting a survey.
Woman: Yes, what is it about?
Researcher: We are asking people what they think about sex on the television.
Woman: Very uncomfortable, I would imagine!
At the card shop, a woman was spending a long time looking at the cards.
She kept shaking her head and saying "No."
A clerk came over and asked, "May I help you?
"I don't know," said the woman.
"Do you have any 'Sorry I laughed at your d!ck' cards?"
Two blokes were out walking home from work one afternoon.
"Damn," said the first bloke, "as soon as I get home, I'm going to rip the wife's knickers off!"
"What's the rush?" his mate asked.
"The bloody elastic in the legs is killing me," the bloke replied.
"Get this." said the bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house.
”Did he get anything." his mates asked.
"Yes, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."
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