Id Like To Help My Mum X

[inamuddle1]

Its a little problem, not huge.

My mum, she's been single for years, she doesn't have many friends, and I have no brothers and sisters. She is not unhappy, she is very happy. I just wish she had some friends to hang out with. I feel she is lonely.

I live in a different country, and I do this because it's healthier for me to live here than my native country. She phones me and messages me all the time, and as much as I love her, and wow do I need her. Sometimes I need my space from the messages and phone calls.

I dont see anything I can do about this situation, really it's up to her to go out and start making friends. She doesnt drink alcohol, so she finds it hard to meet people. I've suggested joining dance classes but she doesnt.

I feel all the pressure is on me with my mum. I wish she would do something to meet people and start having fun, going out for dinners, theaters etc.

We had an argument yesterday on the phone, and I hung up on her. Then I thought to myself. My mum is sitting at home alone. And I felt so guilty that I might have upset her. If she had someone there, I wouldnt feel so guilty for a silly argument that the reason basically comes down to me needing space from the phone calls and having nothing to say.

Anyone got any advice? I'm scared when she's older that I'm gonna be left to look after her and my life wont be my own. (That sounds really selfish doesnt it) I love her dearly.

She always talks about being ill, diabetes, a hernia, a bad cough from smoking... My dad died 2 years ago, and all her talk of being ill freaks me right out. I just wish she would meet people, get out there, have fun and enjoy being well, fit and completely able. I even feel guilty for writing this.

I love her, and I just want to make sure she is happy. x

[inamuddle1]

Just to add... My dad died 2 years ago, but they were not together. They had been separated for many years.

[grasscarp]

Why not write her a letter. Preferably a real letter, but if not an email and tell her that you wish she would get out more as you dont like the thought of her being there sat alone in the house. There must be some interests that she has, an evening or day class that she could go to or maybe she could become a hospital visitor or something similar. Join an exercise class, learn a language, there are so many things out there. Local womens institute etc. If she wont do this at least you will have tried. You can also say in the letter that you are sorry that you dont always have much time to talk to her and it would be nice for you to think that she has more interests so that you neednt worry about her situation.

[MadMen]

Does she have any family around her? If not, and she is really alone, then what's to stop her moving closer to you?

[inamuddle1]

She has brothers and sisters and they have children, a big family. And she has a lovely house. Im young, I have a young life, single , no children, moving closer to me is not an option. I like the idea of the letter, it's a nice idea. x

[inamuddle1]

Ok, I understand your situation. You need to get out my friend. There are things out there. A nice world. Good people, nice music, food and exercise.

I wish you all the best with your adventure!!! Go get them!!!

[boxtops]

If you say she's happy, then let her be - just let her know gently that the constant messaging is difficult. My dad used to be like that - loved him to bits, but he used to phone at 8am when I was just leaving the house, and so on. Your mum maybe thinks you need the contact as you are away from home.

Your mum sounds like me - doesn't drink, and is very happy with her own company. Not everyone wants to be out gadding all the time. Not everyone wants to hang out. My greatest pleasure - when I'm on my own, when OH is away working - is to come in and know it's just me, everyone else can go away and leave me to my own company. I'm not lonely, I love being on my own. If your mum's happy, it sounds like she feels the same, but she thinks that YOU need the contact.

Get an answerphone, say gently that you didn't answer her call because you were out, don't always respond immediately to the texts. People are far too easy to contact these days and I hate giving immediate replies, I'm not there for their convenience....

[tamborine]

introduce her to computers/Skype/answerbank.....you'll be lucky to get a word in :)

[boxtops]

Just re-read your post - "I feel she is lonely". She may not feel that way at all. The only way to find out is to ask her - otherwise you are making some assumptions which (to me) don't sound right about how she feels about her life.

[Stargazer]

I am in a slightly similar position (being the Mum) although I have two children. They do need their space though and I always seem to phone at the wrong time. I wish there were some way that your Mum and I could become email correspondents (anonymous if you know what -I mean regarding location etc. ) Would that work or is she not on the internet?