Well I would suggest your best line of defence is to argue that none of this is your fault. Presumably you had an unhappy childhood and now stay at home watching expensive cable TV (apart from on Mondays when you go out to spend your giro), because no-one will give you a job because you are an illiterate moron with a string of previous convictions. Every time you do manage to get a job, you either knock off the petty cash or you end up inside for some petty offence which wasn�t your fault and the Court/jury got it wrong. Having to stay at home like this (because of your ASBO preventing you from going out), you come under the perverting influence of daytime TV or your mate Daz who just pops round on his way home from knocking off some poor old lady�s pension. As a consequence you are so terribly bored with your life (your probation officer suggested going back to college or doing voluntary work, and you ended up giving yourself a hernia laughing) you decide to wage war on the drink that is invading our society. The only way you can save yourself from abject madness is to go around �happy slapping� innocent old drunks on the misunderstanding that it is highly illegal and dangerous to be sleeping off a few pints on a bus. That should do it. No problem. You may even get a good citizens award. Remember, you are the real victim here.