Do you think you are or may be addicted to alcohol? All right, I'll rephrase that. Do you think that alcohol is now an essential part of your life, such that it is starting to dominate your thinking and your actions and is part of your problems? [You may guess that I'm an alcoholic, though sober for some years]
If the answer is 'yes' then try Alcoholics Anonymous. They don't bite! You can ring them. They'll have some meetings which are open to anyone , some areas have meetings just for total newcomers only, but you'll find you are not alone (my meeting in London, has three hundred present, every week,though granted that's exceptional) And if you don't like one meeting try another. That's the one sane thing I ever did. It's thinking you're alone, that you're the only one, that nobody else has problems like yours, that nobody else understands or can, is what is so demoralising and frightening. Everyone in AA has been there and knows what it's like.