Domestic abuse - Please help

[biatch20]

Hi there,

Ive been the victim of domestic abuse for the past 10 months and last week was the final straw when my partner pushed me against the wall, pulled a knife and threatened to kill me if i ever left him. I have pressed charges and he is currently on remand but i wandered if anyone knows what his length of sentence is likely to be? His offences are assault, threats to kill and criminal damage..he also has a bad previous record...any help welcome..thanks

[Drisgirl]

Well in Scottish Law if he has no previous there will be backgrouind reports and it depends on whether you think it was a one off (obv not) and are prepared to support him.

I did and my husband escaped a custodial because of this but had I pressed farther he would have went down.(He had no history of domestic before).He will face jail if he lifts his hands again.

I suspect if my husband escaped a custodial for a broken jaw and fat face then your man will get a custodial -prob looking at a frightener but not knowing if he has been in before its hard but he'll get at least 3yrs IMO -because there was a knife invoved -minimum.

I shall stand corrected in the morning as I can only go with Scottish Law -but it might be the wake up call he needs -it certainly has been for my husband.

Take Care anyway xx

[pinktwink]

well done for pressing charges the sentence will primarily depend on whether the case goes to court. Too often those that have endured domestic violence withdraw their statement before it goes to court. Stay strong and seek support you have done the right thing you deserve to be free of him and most men who beat their partners don't change . They do however try to convince their partner they ar e sorry and it will never happen again or else try to blame their partner. It may be worth considering a barring and protection order

[DebsyDoo]

Demand that an injunction order is placed on him, which will prevent him from being able to come within a specified distance of you & if he breaches that order - you can have him arrested on the spot.
Don't be taken in by promises of "I won't do it again" or "I love you" & all that crap, if he's done it once - he will do it again.
Do it & mean it - don't live on memories of what was - it will never go back to those times - once he has gone down this road, he has no respect for you, so do not have any sympathy for him.

[Ice.Maiden]

A man who pulls a knife on you and threatens to kill you, doesn't know the meaning of the word "love". I have no idea about sentencing, but with his history, I hope you manage to get as far away from him as possible. x

[Drisgirl]

Hve to say tho pink -I absolutleyy woudld have agredd 100% befire but this with me was a one off but even at that I still got him charged and TBH its the best thing for him and obv me to a lesser degree as I could have walked, that I could have done.

He is now off the drink and is back to being the person I have fought and bickered with for 11yrs but have never had any violence aimed at me so its like a kinda tough love as he pled with me even when he was going into court to drop the charges and I wouldnt (couldnt) but it gave him a scare.

So I have to say -nipped in the bud even tho it hurts everyone like mad -its the making of the man.He never had any spots to change it was nipped and thats why im suggesting she should go with it however hard it is and man its tough -something I could have done without in this particular year of my life -all gonna change tho cos im entering a new decade and the pits of my 40's are soon to be history -if I were to write a book it would be fiction -but its fact (:

[Ice.Maiden]

Some decisions must be very hard to make, and it's different for each couple involved, but habitual offenders rarely change. I hope you find someone who'll love you for the person you are, b20, and not just as a punchbag.

Night dris. x

[DebsyDoo]

Sorry if I come across a bit strong, but I absolutely hate hearing about any domestic violence - be it against a woman, or children.
The only difference is that a woman can change this, but has to be strong enough to see it through, whereas children cannot.
If you don't sort this problem out now - think about what could possibly be, if you end up having kids with this guy ?

[terambulan]

Disagree....people do change as they age and mellow. Had my turn of DA in early years of 'wed bliss'. All due to alcohol. I fought back violently; smashed car/property/OHs nose & head. OH ran off 'home to mum' :) but soon returned 'tail between legs'. I pulled knife on OH and threw hot fat. OH complained of me not fighting by 'Queensbury Rules' something to do with boxing but rarely challenged me again! We remained together for 40y till recent death and am bereft without OH.

Dont be a mouse.....BEAT HIM UP! Most men worry of their partner leaving (they get teased at work by their peers of such).

[DebsyDoo]

Teram (hope that's OK)
Maybe you were lucky, but most women are not confident enough to retaliate, mainly because - in most cases, a woman is not physically capable of overpowering a man - sad I know, but a fact of life nevertheless - the male species is usually the stronger.
(not to mention, of course the fact that sometimes - they're just too damn scared to).
I am speaking from experience.

[terambulan]

I know Debsi....does take courage but women have to make a stand against controlling men (Austrian man with daughter in cellar...timid wife). Throw bottles/bricks/any heavy missile. Smash TV (I did that too). Men get so shocked at your rant! Even bring your friends in to help beat him up........he'll appreciate this rather than go to prison!

[SHELLP]

Stay strong I know its hard but I have been through something very similar was held at knifepoint by my ex in May when I tried to leave. 3 weeks before that he had hit me and given me a black eye promised it would never happen again. He is due in Crown court on Wed has been before magistrates and they would not hear it because did not have enough sentencing powers. He is pleading not guilty despite all the photo evidence from the police. I have to go to court and give evidence against him. The trial is booked in for 2/3 days. I am dreading it and these last four months have been terrible I have wanted to drop charges so many times because did not want to give evidence against him but the police have summonsed me to court it is them taking him not me. I will let you know what happens.

[terambulan]

I appeal again for the men & women in these remand situations. Prison is not the answer and does terrible damage to them, and all for a domestic dispute.

Women/men leave/split to sort out relationship problem. While away you can threaten prosecutions with your OH to resolve disputes. Young couples often fight but if you can, leave police out of it, call friends/work colleagues/parents everyone before police.

[DLawson]

RE: what his length of sentence is likely to be?
Try a search on http://www.thelawpages.com to see what others have got for similar offences. Good luck!