Parents restrictions

[smotbd]

I have argued with my father (about the way she treats my mother) to the extent whereby our relationship is beyond repair. My parents live together and my father says that I will not be allowed to visit their home again. Does he have the right to stop me? My mum desperately want me to visit her. Mum is heavily disabled (unable to leave the house).
Not sure if this site is American or British.......I am from UK if this changes things regarding laws.

Thanks for any input.

[Buenchico]

Point 1:
This is a UK site.

Point 2:
You've not stated your age. If you're 16 or over you have the right to walk out of your home and never have any contact with your father again. (NB: I'm definitely not recommending that course of action; I'm simply stating what your right is).

Point 3:
The UK is a signatory to the UN Convention on the Rights of The Child. That includes the right "to have contact with both parents wherever possible":
http://www.direct.gov...entsRights/DG_4003313
If your father tries to prevent you from having any contact with your mother he's almost certainly acting in breach of your human rights, as defined by international conventions. However doing anything about it could prove to be difficult. I suggest looking up the number for 'Social Services' in your Phone Book. (It will be listed under the name of your county council). Alternatively Childline might be able to advise you.

Chris

[smotbd]

Thanks Bienchico for the reply. I am actually 29 if this changes anything? I intend to tell him it's within my right to visit my mum as she and I wishes. But just feared/wondered if he did have a right to stop me somehow as he pays rent (along with mum) for the house.

[Buenchico]

Thanks for that. I think that I was 'reading your post backwards' (if that makes sense!). I've only just worked out what the true situation is.

Any householder has the right to determine who does, or who does not, enter their home, but the law doesn't really offer any solutions when one householder (i.e. your father) wants to bar someone from entering but the other householder wants to let them in. (To be fair to our law makers, they could never produce laws which covered every possible domestic situation).

If you call at the house when your father is there he has the legal right to prevent you from entering his home but, as long as your mother agrees to you entering, I can see no reason why you can't visit when he's not there. (Obviously that doesn't help much if you've not got a key and your mother can't get to the door, but I'm simply pointing out that any rule he makes can be over-ridden by your mother when he's not there, since they both have equal rights to determine who can or can't enter their home).

I suggest that your best approach might have nothing to do with legal considerations. You need to seek an intermediary who can get your father to appreciate that it's in his wife's best interests to allow you to visit your mother. If there's no family member that can assist, it might be worth trying to get support for your mother through a relevant charity (who could get someone to visit her) and then try to get the support worker to make your father see sense.

Chris

[smotbd]

That would be an option if I didn't live so far away. I (and my wife) would need to stay the night. I may ring social services regardless, just to see if they can answer me or point me to some help.

[smotbd]

That's not good news Buenchico. Dad hardly leaves the house. I would basically have to travel 100 miles and see my mum for 10 maximum. I don't want to go into to much details, but my father would not lift a finger to make situations less difficult. He would love to end the special relationship that my mother and I have. He does not care for his wife or me.....again a very long story but there is no persuasion for him to see any sense (even though he(yes I know this is coming from my mouth) is the cause of all this).
It is a little strange therefore that I might not be able to visit my disabled mum at all potentially, if father has his way. As you said - it's difficult to write laws to cover all scenarios. Is there a number therefore that I can ring to see if there is a solution here. Dad may not even get food for mum for example and therefore I will need to (short term solution). Surely no law can go against me in that situation. Yes ideally things will would get resolved, but this man is no ordinary case and is very very stubborn and difficult. Thanks again.

[Buenchico]

My instinct here is to look for a support group related to your mother's disability. So, in order to look for a suitable contact point, I'd need to know the nature of her disability. (Your suggestion of speaking to the relevant local Social Services team also seems to be a good one).

I'm heading towards bed soon but I'll check this thread tomorrow to see if I can be of any further (if somewhat limited) assistance.

Chris

[trt]

Any chance of your mother going to stay with you, maybe every other week or fortnight?

[Dee Sa]

how well do you know their neighbours ? its a long shot but perhaps they could intervene on your behalf, or if they could offer to take your mum out once in a while and then you could meet up ?
I hope things turn out well,your poor mum probably feels as hurt as you.

[smotbd]

Hey all,
just got on here before bed time.
Surprised to see that a response I wrote to Chris' comment last night before bed isn't here. Must have fallen asleep before pressing send!!
In short - it described mum's disability, saying she cannot sit down (no wheelchair). She can only stand, walk(with two sticks) or lie down as a result of v bad arthritis. She's copes well with it thought (God knows how). She walks slowly but she can get round the house (not upstairs). To meet outside would be v difficult unless it was few yards in front of the front door! Not ideal as the winter nears!
Nearest neighbour is too much of a walk away + not ideal as we want to spend weekends together.
I will ring social services Tuesday - and let you know what they say.

Can I delete my posts eventually? Don't like the thought of some information (not necessarily any of the above) being able to be traced from browsing on the net. I.e. can I delete my own posts after the topic is closed eventually?

[woofgang]

if you report your posts then the ed will remove them for you

[smotbd]

Just a little update:
Just rang social services as had half hour spare. They had no input unfortunately, other than to tell me to find a solicitor in yellow pages. I've rung two solicitors so far and both have said that they can't answer over the phone and that I'd need to make an appointment. I may have to soon.........not sure if there'll be costs involved. Just a little surprised that this information is not available on line!!

[LoftyLottie]

Try the Citizens Advice Bureau. A lot of solicitors will give you a free 1/2 hr first appoinment. Ring around.

[marval]

I have never been in your situation, but I expect the solitor will charge. Your other option is to consult Citizens Advice, they may have some advice. I also think you might get a short time with a solicitor for free. I hope you are able to find a solution.