Boyfriend would rather spend time with his cousins?

[ctigerpose]

Sorry this is so long....My boyfriend is a really good, kind guy. We have been together 8 years, lived together for 6. We had some issues a year or so ago because we were spending hardly any time together. I saw him maybe one evening a week and I lived with him because he trained the other six.
Since we talked it through though, he has made an effort to spend more time with me. He has genuinely tried hard and we are in a much better place now. My problem is that he seems to much rather spend his time with his cousins than with me. I guess that it hurts that when he spends time with me he's doing it for me but he'd do anything to hang around with them. I mean we had very little money last month so we decided to not go out together but when they were heading on a day out he insisted we'd find the money somewhere!
Today his aunt was going on a day out. His cousins were going, with their girlfriends and wives, and children and we were going too even though we couldn't really afford it. I was going for him because I really feel left out in that group. Even though all the other couples stick together he hangs around with his only single cousin and checks in every so often to see how I am. Anyway, they were all going by train really early and I suggested we leave half an hour later and go by car because I hate trains, terrified of them. He still wanted to go on the train with them, even though we would have still been there at the same time. He offered to drive down with me but really didn't want to and in the end he said he'd rather go on the train with them and left me to drive down on my own. This p***ed me off and I didn't bother driving down, I was only going for him anyway and he was already leaving me out. It is now 4pm, the day is over and he never even called to see if I was coming. Am I being too hard on him, cos he is a really good guy. He just seems to pick these people over me. He has 4 brothers and even his twin brother (who he's really close to) gets annoyed at the way he is around them. He visits their house all the time and hardly ever visits his parent or brothers. People thinks he's part of their family instead of his own. He's 30years old and acts like a child around them. Should I just accept this is the way he is, or is he being unfair. Even though he has been spending much more time with me lately. I'm annoyed at him but I want to know if people think I should just let it go or tell him how annoyed I am, which will lead to an argument

[boxtops]

It doesn't sound as if he's behaving like half of a couple - if you are still living together, he needs to make a lot more of a commitment to you, rather than live it up with his family and friends. It sounds like his problem, not yours - but perhaps you need to see that after this length of time, he's unlikely to change. You need to decide whether you are going to put up with it, or not. No - you're not being too hard on him, you have a life to live too - with him or without him...

[Noraq]

I'd be concerned that he was not worried whether I had been in an accident while driving !

[boxtops]

That's true noraq - if he thought she's started off, but never arrived!

[roxie_09]

If it's affecting your relationship, which it is from your post, then you're not being too hard, I get being family orientated etc but he also needs to put you first and act like as boxtops says half of the couple. Only you can decide what you truly want, but good luck xx

[Count-A-Strong]

I think the 'acting like a child' bit is the big clue. He obviously sees their company as escapism, a place where he can revert to his childhood when he didn't have the responsibilities of adulthood which you ( unintentionally) remind him of. Talk to him about it. Good luck, I hope things work out.

[nannybooby]

If he is making you feel unhappy for more of the time than he make you feel happy then you need to walk.He wont get better and you will just get older he is stopping you frommeeting someone who will treat you better. I short time on your own unhappy is better than a life time unhappy with a partner who doesnt respect you - I know I had 25 years with one. Leaving is hard but you will get over it and be able to start afresh.I dont regret it I have a lovely husband now and am glad I made the move

[daisya]

Agree with all that's been said and it's really worrying that he knows you didn't turn up and not been in touch to show he was concerned about you, if you'd had an accident in the car or just changed your mind. I think the relationship from that particularly is a little one sided. Think your options through, discuss them with him and see what he has to say. I hope the best outcome for you.

[tamborine]

Nowt like kith & kin for a fun day. He'll always have their support thru good & bad, you better join in or quit.

[joeluke]

Apologies for being blunt and i know it's an old cliche but he's just not that into you

If he was then he'd spend far more time with you

[woofgang]

sorry, what joeluke said.....