Divorce - 10 years separation or not?

[wendy56]

My husband left the marital home 10 years ago to live with another woman. He has lived with her monday to Friday and returns home every weekend. We have been working on repairing our marriage with the intention of being together at some point in the future. We have holidays together and socialise as we always have done. He has now decided that he wants a divorce as his future lies with the other woman. I dont want a divorce.
Does this count as a 10 year separation?
What happens if he serves me divorce papers and its something I do not want?

[Booldawg]

from what I recall (no doubt there are others more qualified to answer this) Grounds for divorce on separation are 2 years by consent or 5 years without consent.

This means that if your husband has left the marital home and let you know his plans, where he's living etc then after 2 years this can be grounds for divorce. Or if just dissapears without any communication then after 5 years you can apply for divorce.

I'm not sure how his coming back weekends affects this.

[BeaverDiva]

when he's home at weekends, do you live as husband and wife? From the socialising together etc it sounds as though you do (i.e. do you share food/the entire house etc). in which case, then there is no separation, as for 5 years separation to stand, it has to be complete separation, not just living apart Monday to Friday.

Its quite surprising that you are happy for the situation to go on as it has been for 10 years though. Are you not angry at your husband for using both you and this other woman for such a long time? Do you honestly believe that your marriage can be reconciled? If so, then perhaps its time to consider mediation. I wish you all the best with it.

[wolf63]

You are not really separated. Does the other woman live in another town, maybe nearer his work? If so he has two relationships that are convenient for him.

Has the situation stayed the same for the whole ten years?

[themas]

I don't think you are legally separated, assuming you are living as husband and wife at weekends. If he files for divorce on the ground of 5 years separation you can defend it on the basis of the actual situation & his petition would then hopefully be thrown out by the Court. However, he might petition on other grounds - such as unreasonable behaviour on your part - & what you do then will depend on what he puts in the petition.

Of course, all of this is unlikely to make your relationship with him any better - very probably will make it much worse - so you need to think before going down this route whether it is really the best thing for you to do.

[craft1948]

But surely even if you agree to a divorce on the separation grounds, which is what he wants, you'll be lying to the court............

[Barmaid]

I agree with themas - apart from the fact that he WILL be able to get a divorce on the grounds of irreconcilable differences. That is almost impossible to defend since if he says the marriage has irretrievably broken down and refuses to be reconciled, that's it. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but in such cases defending it will lead to more costs and more heartache and it is simply delaying the inevitable.

[EDDIE51]

As things stand at the moment you are not seperated so there are not grounds for divorce on that reason. If he serves divorce papers you can fight it , but is it worth it ?
Not part of the answer but the guy is taking the p*ss big time and just using you.

[themas]

Barmaid

Given that you're a barrister I hesitate to question your post, but my understanding is that the law stipulates that the marriage has to have irretrievably broken down, as evidenced by one of five things:

1. 5 years separation
2. 2 years separation with consent of the other party
3. Adultery
4. Unreasonable behaviour of the other party
5. Desertion

In wendy's case it seems only 4 might be possible.

[mazie]

and 3. He left 10 years ago to live with another woman

[themas]

mazie

No - it is wendy who does not want a divorce. Yes, she could petition for adultery, but he can't (assuming she has not committed it).

[tonywiltshire]

If you receive a divorce petition you may be able to slow it down but your husband only need show the marriage is irretrievable broken down and has been for the past 5 years and it will be granted, it usually only takes 4/6 months.