Contact Order - Kids don't want to see him

[sistergo]

My Ex has applied for a contact order. Problem is, he has been absent for over a year and the children are reluctant on seeing him due to the volence experienced during our relationship. Can the court force the kid who do not want to see their dad?

[ummmm]

How old are they?

[ojread2]

They could see him in a contact centre?

Was he violent towards them or just you?
And, yes, how old are they?

[sistergo]

they are 9 and 10. He was violent toward me in the presence of the kids. He wants me to meet him with the kids at our local Mcdonalds due to a non molestation order in place.

[ojread2]

OK, if you have a non molestation order, doesn't that mean he has to stay away form you all together? Within a certain length?
Don't encourage him to break it by agreeing to meet him

Let the courts decide for him but do not agree to meet him before the order is in place/has been heard in court

Do you have a solicitor? If not, get one. Ask him/her about contact centres
They are in place for this sort of thing. I do think you should encourage your children to see their father rather than remind them of why they shouldn't

[sistergo]

Thanks Ojread2. As much as I have encouraged them, the man wrecked the kids room when he kicked us out until I applied for an occupational order. When I returned to the house, he had wreked the kids room and taken wrecked their toys, games and books. I have to also respect their wishes as they are also going through difficult times

[ummmm]

The court 'should' take the children's wishes into consideration.

[tonywiltshire]

As the court will be aware there are two sides to every case and the children may not wish to see their Father at this stage but they may when older which you will be unable to control, the courts also seem to be giving the Father’s position more consideration recently. I would not recommend you to meet at a local restaurant at the first meeting but as others have said at a Contact centre where you can judge the behaviour of the children’s Father and decide if his behaviour justifies him seeing the children again and their reaction to him. Hopefully Cafcass have been involved and your non-molestation order should protect you from any unwanted subsequent interference.

[cathfromsaron]

the children can tell the court's officer themselves when the report is being made!

no, they cannot force a child to meet anyone BUT it may be better to consider having family counselling, and contact if appropriate, so they have a positive role model and no longer live in fear??

cath x

[sistergo]

Thanks for all input. The kids are very traumatised and as you can imagine, they are physiologically damaged by the violence. The father has never been there anyway and they feel very comfortable and have bonded so well with their step-father whom they call dad andsee as a role model. When I mention to them that their real dad wants to see them, they don’t acknowledge him and just refer to him as the eveil man. I have explained to them that it's nothing to do with them and that it is a matter for him and me but they still don't want to know.

It is also difficult for me but I have to tread carefully so that they don’t feel I am handing over to be molested or abused. Their step father has given them assurances but they are very tearful when this issue comes up.

[Mad74]

Sorry to tell you if the court thinks its in the children's best intrest yes they can...I have been where you are today been to court had cafcass and social/s say to the court that kids did not want to see my ex but the judge said well I make my own mind up.There are some things I did wrong and it went against me even tho I thought I was doing good...ie telling s/s that they call their step dad daddy....wrong .....in the courts eyes he will never be dad and your ex will use this against you and twist it around to be all,your fault.my ex by the way had sexual abused my oldest was 7 at the time and he still had rights in the eyes of the court ...wish I could he you though all this because it's so stressful

Good luck

[EDDIE51]

This will go to a hearing at the family court and you will have to put your side of the case, when the children are old , 10 , enough they will be asked for their comments as well.
The father will almost certainly be awarded access but this will be supervised by social workers and take place at a children's centre. If he is accessed as suitable then after a few months he will be offered limited unsupervised access. As the children are old enough to speak for themselves they will not be forced to see him.
I have just today been to a similar hearing with regard to my grandaughter
the father was granted supervised access despite being convicted of soliciting women for prostitution, we are NOT happy but that is the law.

[cathfromsaron]

indeed, my grandson must see his father despite witnessing him battering his fiance AND his own mum being beaten before he was born! but it is supervised and will sop as soon as he himself says he does not wish to go!

he calls his father 'my daddy who shouts at me' ...

great justice system!

[cathfromsaron]

* yes, as i said, the CAFCASS report should reflect their views!

[tonywiltshire]

Cath you are quite right some men are just thugs, particularly with drink, who should not be allowed to associate with anyone let alone a woman or child, in my experience there have also been woman who use the children as an implement to advance their position, but rarely using violence. Pity the poor judge who, with only a brief opportunity, has to decide who is correct. What can be done to improve the situation?

[Kassee]

My ex applied to court for contact, after about a year of not seeing the children. A guardian of the court was appointed and came out and talked to me, and then to each of the children separately (I had four children), then talked to my ex and the woman he was living with. Then she wrote a report for the court. We had a copy of her report. Each of my children didn't want to see their father (there were reasons). Anyway this was all in her report. I was told the court could insist that they have contact with him, even tho they didnt want to see him. I dont know how this could have been insisted upon. Anyway, in the end he dropped the whole thing the day before we were due to go to court.

[ojread2]

Apologies for the slow reply, I went out yesterday

The fact he wrecked their room will put a different slant on how things are portrayed here :)

Then I would expect to have CAF involved myself. They are an excellent service provided for children and their rights. You can involve them yourself if you like. They are NOT social services so don't be afraid to contact them (not that you should be even if it was a dept of SS)
http://www.education....68957/the-caf-process

It is unlikely the children will be heard in court as Caf will do that process for them
It is difficult sometimes, as Eddie shows, to differentiate between what the father has done and his seeing the children. If there is a credible threat of abuse of any type, then contact centres are there for that purpose. To enable the children contact with their father. It's my long held belief that some contact, even with a father how isn't very good, is better than none at all, and whilst it is anecdotal, any evidence I have can be seen everyday in my job

Sometimes, it can appear that the justice system fails, and certainly sometimes it really does, but involving outside agencies is your only option here. No judge in his right mind would believe one parent over another - any who do are mad IMO!

My advice to you would be call your local council's children's services dept and go from there. My council has an excellent web site detailing every service available for children and adults alike inc things such as your situation. Check yours out

Good Luck

[atalanta]

Some violent fathers try for contact so that they can find out where the children's mother is living, in order to get revenge on her for leaving. They want their punch-bags back again because they so much enjoy the violence and the power. However, if the court insists, or believes the lies such fathers inevitably tell ( oath or no oath ) a mother can drop the children off at a contact centre and disappear bfore the father arrives, reversing the process at the end of the visit. The visit can be supervised by contact centre staff to check fathers' behaviour.