Consideration For Others

[Eve]

Something which has been in my mind recently.

I was always brought up to have good manners, be considerate and respectful to others etc... However, since I've had more mobility problems, and especially now walking with the aid of a stick, I've been really disappointed at the lack of consideration shown to other people.

I've noticed it more and more, and I don't mean people going out of their way or anything, just general respect to others.

I swear though, if one more person shoves my stick etc... I am tempted to decorate it with some festive tinsel (with hidden spikes!).

Seriously though, I am a pretty patient person usually, probably too patient, but is it a sign of the times that people are too focussed on themselves to be considerate to others? It's a shame that some of the lovely people about who are seem to be more of a novelty.

[Mosaic]

I became very immobile with a back injury about 10 years ago, and while in rehabilitation became very anxious about being jostled in crowds because any sideways movement hurt like hell. It was interesting to see how considerate some people were and how horrid others were - moving slowly seems to be a cause of offence in some quarters.

[kitty123]

YES it is very annoying that people are so rude and just think about themselves.
I cant understand how they can be like that..so ignorant.

[marval]

It is such a shame that there does seem to be little consideration for others. I was brought up to look out for other people, but it seems few do it today.

[Georgiesmum]

Im afraid this is my experience too. I am registered blind and carry a white stick when i am out alone. I have been using my white stick for two years now and in all that time i have only been offered help across the road three times, and i have never ever been offered a seat on the bus, yet i have always done so myself for others all my life.

[Georgiesmum]

When i stand by the kerb and ask if its clear to cross no one ever answers me. they just act as if im not even there.

[boxtops]

Sad to say, it seems a sign of the times that we are taken aback when someone is kind and considerate..... I blame some of it on the dreaded iPod, how can people have any idea what's going on around them (or, indeed, any original thoughts in their heads) when they are constantly plugged into their earphones?

[daffy654]

Unfortunately it is something you will have to get used to Jenna, many people just don't care if you are suffering, if you are in their way they either bump into you or tut loudly until you move to let them pass.

[lcg]

hi jenna. as someone who is using walking sticks at present, i agree wholeheartedly. people who are working either look at the sticks and think 'oh my god....a cripple!'; do anything to get rid of you in a rush and don't think about what they are doing properly and do a half arsed job.....or don't give a toss. like the bus driver i had the misfortune to meet on xmas eve, who could see i was standing and had sticks (no one asked if i wanted to sit down) who stamped on his brakes and accelerator like he was disco dancing at each stop. and also to people who look behind them and still choose to let the door go in your face....or kick them because they don't look where they are going and they own the pavement floor that you are using. i also went into a shop yesterday where my sticks skidded on the floor, so i dropped my bag. the lazy polish git behind the counter didn't even bat an eyelid and studiously watched as i tried to pick my stuff off the floor......perhaps i should go in again tomorrow, fall over and sue? answers on a postcard, please x

[seadogg]

We have an excellent bus service to town and usually sit behind the seats reserved for the aged and disabled. More often than not some able person will sit in these seats, quite unconcerned while elderly passengers with sticks fight their way past.

[237SJ]

It`s completely the opposite around here. My mum has a stick and she goes out on the bus to town once a week. She`s always saying how considerate and helpful people are. I don`t know it it`s because of her age but people are quick to offer their seat on the bus and offer their help. Recently, she was carrying shopping and stopped for a quick rest. A man stopped his car, asked if she was OK and offered to drive her home. She`s had people stop the traffic for her when she`s waiting to cross the road as well. The only people who seem completely inconsiderate seem to be the women with pushchairs who get on the bus and seem to think they have complete priority over everyone else including the elderly and disabled.

[owdhamer]

A sign of the times though on occasion I have been surprised.

[Eve]

It's definitely a challenge! Seems like I'm not alone which is a shame.

I've often stood next to the same shop assistant struggling to get something off a shelf with my stick and bags and such and she has ever so much as even asked if I need any help, have been tempted to just give up and walk off before now.

Buses can be a bit of a nightmare round here, busy city routes and a bit of a freeforall system of getting on, people don't seem to do queues round here. They take off and go so fast too, I went flying trying to sit on a disabled seat a few weeks back as the bus just rocketed off, they don't wait for you to sit down and you have to get up as they won't stop if you're not there waiting to get off.

It annoys me when people take up the disabled seats just because they have a load of bags, especially when they sit on the outside and have their bags on the seat so no-one can sit next to them, especially when the bus is packed full.

I'm on boycott of Aldi as it was a nightmare with pallets and boxes all round in the aisles and people moving stuff making it so difficult to get round. I don't suppose losing a bit of trade bothers them though, similarly shops with stairs up and no lift and places like one of the sports shops where you have to almost fight your way through the rails.

[starone]

Perhaps I am fortunate, but I have always been treated with consideration. I noticed the other day that some people are not allowed to help because of the Health and Safety Regulations (Bus Drivers for instance).

[Barmaid]

There is another side to the coin though, Jenna. I like to think that I am a genuinely pleasant person in the street and would help anyone I felt was in need. I've offered help in the past to be rudely rebuffed. On Christmas Eve I was nearly run over by a mobility scooter with a very rude woman thereon shouting "get out of the way". I held the door open to an elderly couple in M&S and they walked through as if I was the sodding doorman without the most basic acknowledgement (and they were then followed by a stream of people who clearly thought I was the door holder - despite the fact I looked like a harassed Christmas shopper). And then in Waitrose, some bloody woman hit me with her stick for no reason other than she was trying to explain to her companion where something was and she could ONLY do this by whacking her stick at the back of my shins.

[Buenchico]

Staying 'with the other side of the coin':

I was walking behind a slow-moving elderly couple in an Ipswich subway who, despite the passageway being fairly wide, managed to occupy the full width. Even though I was in a hurry, I waited patiently behind them as we walked down one passageway, then another and another. Eventually they walked a little closer together, opening up a gap to their right. As I passed through the gap (with a polite 'Excuse me' as I did so), the man moved sharply and unexpectedly to his right, nearly colliding with me. I continued walking down the passageway, while listening to their loud rants about 'people having no consideration' behind me!

[Barmaid]

That's your own fault, Chris, for attempting to walk through Ipswich....... ;)

[Buenchico]

Yes, Barmaid. We've only just worked out how to use two limbs, rather than four, around here. (I've also heard of a wonderful new invention called 'fire', and another one called a 'wheel' but I doubt that they'll catch on!)

;-)

[Barmaid]

I do MISS Suffolk. It was lovely, quaint and very very pretty.

[joko]

i undertsand people struggle at times with mobility - (i do too and so do a great many other people) and i agree that people generally are less considerate of others these days - but i agree it works both ways.

I aways try to see things from the other side - i mean, why stand about waiting and struggling and expecting other people to just notice and offer to help?
they are busy with their own lives, jobs, tasks, problems etc - you cant expect people to always realise you need a hand, or consider you all the time - their minds are undoubtedly elsewhere - but if you simply ask someone to pass you something off a shelf - they will.

i often ask people to reach up for me because i am short - i wouldnt dream of just standing around getting irked because no-one has thought to help me - people ALWAYS help me - because i ask.

they may not offer because perhaps they too have bad backs? ... maybe they are in pain with some other ailment? maybe a loved one is seriously ill or died and they're preoccupied? maybe they have bad eyesight and cant actually see that you are struggling? ... who knows...maybe they even think you dont want help because you havent asked for it...?

i too have offered to help others - and a great many times been treated rudely and ungratefully - even been made to feel like a thief or thug one time! ... for simply helping a woman, who had fallen, home with her bags!
many people possibbly feel they will be told to go away or treated with suspicion etc? - and some people simply wont allow anyone to help them...my dad is one of them.


i dont walk down the street, thinking of the needs of every other person i see - does anyone?
do we look at them, analyse their body and face and see if you can tell if they need a hand with something?
or are we thinking about what we're having for tea, what you need from the shops, that bill that is overdue, that row you had with your friend, what to get your mum for xmas, what your husband is up to etc etc ... you think about your own worries ...or do the needs and wants of strangers come before our own?
no, we dont, no-one does - so why expect others to always just 'know' when you need a hand?


not saying things arent a struggle but perhaps people should just try asking people for help - and see how many simply say 'sure' and help ...that would make things much easier for anyone with a disability.

[China Doll]

I agree with joko, BM and Chris. Especially joko. I went through a stage of being on sticks after an operation, I never had a problem with people doing things for me but sometimes I had to ask for help or say 'excuse me', people are not mind readers and neither are they always particularly observant of what is going on around them preferring to mind their own business (like me). I actually still have the same problems I had previously with my hip and legs, but because I don't use sticks or any such thing then there is no visual clue that my mobility is sometimes not great. People will make assumptions about me if I also choose to use disabled facilities when I'm having a particularly bad day.

I also often sit on the ailse seat of a bus if I have lots of bags because it is easier for me (some people will just assume that I'm taking a disabled seat for no good reason), but I will get up if asked so that someone can sit by the window. Generally I will try and go upstairs so I don't have to give my seat up at all.

I really empathise with Chris's experience re the incredibly slow people who take up a large amount of space. When I was on my sticks and travelling in rush hour I got myself against a wall so that I could walk at my own, unhurried pace and everyone else could get past me. There are two ways of looking at this, one way is to cirticise and moan about others and how inconsiderate they are.The other is to think of ways you can make life easier for yourself. Yes, some people are muppets, but it is actually my experience that most people are pretty good and will help, but sometimes you have to ask or explain your problem. And it's generally best not to make assumptions about the mobility of other people too just because they perhaps are not using sticks or another mobility aid.