Confidentiality...

[ummmm]

I'll try and keep this short.....

My son (16) has been with his girlfriend (15) for over a year. From quite early on her Dad was against the relationship and we really didn't know why.

Turns out that her dad has a relative working at the school. She works in the exclusion unit which deals with exclusions (obviously) internal exclusions and detentions. It has come to light that she has told my sons girlfriends his whole history.

I'm not defending any of his bad behaviour in the past but just for background info, and to know he's just not a naughty brat, he reacted badly to the death of our uncle and within days of that my dad was told he had 6 months to live. My son was extremely close to both.

His grief caused him to have outbursts. The school noticed there was something amiss, because it was out of character, and helped us by arranging bearevment counselling through SS. Is behaviour improved slowly and within the year he was 'almost' back to his normal self.

Now...my next issue. My son has now left the school but some things from home have again been repeated to the girlfriends dad. Turns out that this woman has been questioning my younger son!

My son was 12 when he got into trouble at school.

What would you do? Because of this the father grabbed my son round the throat and threatened to knock his teeth out!!

[ummmm]

And my younger son is 14, if that makes a difference.

[bednobs]

i would speak to the head

[bednobs]

also, i'd be sure if i were you - perhaps your son told the gf who then told her dad

[ummmm]

I will speak to the head. Luckily it's half term. I'm fuming.

Has she breached confidentiality?

[bednobs]

if it's true, yes

[ummmm]

Bednobs - No, she questioned my younger son. That's what came out this time. His responses to her questions.

[friedgreentomato]

Firstly you need to get your sons to write a statement of sorts.
Then you need to contact the school and the local police, assualting a child is out of order.
The school needs to be told of their breach in confidentiality.

[RATTER15]

I would almost certainly yes he has breached confidentiality.

[ummmm]

Also, 100% sure it's true. There is no way J would go into all the details of the stupid things he did over 4 years ago.

[askyourgran]

I think the sooner son no1 kicks the girlfriend into touch the better. They sound a dreadful family, and the father should be warned about assaulting your younger son. The mother should also be reported to the school for infringing the confidentiality of her profession.

[ttfn]

A difficult situation, ummmm. I am sure you would not want to cause a rift between your son and his GF.

However, there are 2 issues here - the assault on your son by his GF's father and the apparent breach of confidentiality by the school's staff. Anything you do about either or both issues may put some pressure on their relationship. I believe both of your sons require and deserve your support to take this further - they are too young to do it for themselves. Personally I would tackle both issues on principal, let alone maternal protection.

[ummmm]

HW - I wanted to go up there to confront him but J begged me not to.

Tat....I'm not actually concerned about his relationship anymore. The father has made it so hard for them that I don't think he's so emotionally involved anymore.

[Barmaid]

I would sit down with the kids and get chapter and verse off them. Then I would make an appointment to see the Head of the school to voice my concerns. Then I would make a formal complaint to the Board of Governors.

This "relative" should not be abusing her position in this way.

Do the above then PM me on FB and I will think about your next move.

I'm really sorry that people who are meant to look after your kids are being so self interested and betraying them in this way.

[grasscarp]

I would arrange to talk to the woman. This sounds totally unethical and uncalled for. Isnt there something called the data protection act. Adults can also not threaten children like this. Very disturbing ummmm.

[237SJ]

That woman has broken the Data Protection Act and there is legal redress if you want to pursue it.

[ummmm]

Thank you all x

And will do BM.

Do you know what makes me mad, HW, is the fact that he's being judged by a time in our lives that we were going through emotional turmoil. He couldn't come and talk to me in his grief because my own grief was so immense. He had no outlet, and for that I feel guilty, but I didn't think it would bite us on the bum in this manner!

[society]

You must report this to the school head master.

Have your son write a statement while things a still fresh in his mind. The school most likely would ask him to write one; he may or may not forget some of the 'happenings'. So just in case he'll be prepared.

If son should continue to pursue this girlfriend, her father could and might make life very difficult for him. Also, he could do things to 'set-up' your son.