What To Do?

[sunny-dave]

I find myself in something of a quandary.

A (not particularly close) family member has emigrated - with the intention of remaining abroad on a permanent basis.

She asked me to allow her to re-direct all her UK post to my address "until I am sorted out with a permanent address in my new country" - with me then bulk forwarding all mail to her at regular intervals (except for obvious junk). She very specifically asked me not [i to open any of the mail.

Although there were other closer relatives, I think she asked me because she was sure that I'd do the job properly.

So far this has worked well ... but ... I have now started receiving mail addressed to her (and her partner) directly at my home address - not via any re-direction. This means that she is giving my address to businesses as [i] her ] address in the UK. This was definitely not part of the agreement.

I have taken the view that I should open any such mail to see what is going on - it turns out to be from banks and similar institutions and the NHS. Only routine stuff, but confirming that she is using my address for their purposes.

I don't want to fall out either with her, or other family members, but feel I am being used.

Would you have opened the mail?

Would you be unhappy about your address being used like this?

What would you do next?

Thanks

Dave

[mrs_overall]

I would not have opened the mail.

Can't you tell her it is about time she gave the relevant institutions her new address?

[Sammy48]

Are her and her partner now settled where they have emigrated to ? I would contact her and be direct, saying that you have noticed the post is not now redirected by looks like she is living at your address. No I wouldn't open the post, I would just tell her she is taking advantage of your good nature now.

[Kiki-frog]

I most certainly would be unhappy about it! Redirecting is one thing, and I'd have no problem with that. But using your address as a home address is not on, IMO. It may work out fine and probably will, but you are still at risk at having, for example, debts linked to your address, which could adversely affect your credit rating in future. Wrong, wrong, wrong!

[Baldric]

Using your address as her own is imo out of order, I'd send her a letter of my own if I were you reminding her what you agreed and telling her to sort it out. Any problems occurring, especially financial could reflect badly on your address.

[sunny-dave]

I don't think there will be a problem with debts (although I take your point kiki).

I think the problem is that organisations will then remove her from their lists (eg NHS) or insist on closing accounts (banks etc).

[gness]

I would have agreed with not opening the letters until I read the replies of Kiki and Baldric and remembered a long ago problem my mother had.
A relative did exactly the same thing...it began to look as if her address was my mother's home and a visit from debt collectors was the outcome.
She has broken your verbal contact...send on her letters minus their envelopes with a request for her to not use your address and that all non-directed mail will be opened/burned.

[Sammy48]

But surely, Dave, if she has emigrated then she should have informed all relevant authorities Banks, GPs etc etc etc of her move.

Just out of interest, she has done a moonlight flit has she ?

[ladybirder]

But that's her problem dave, not yours.

[boxtops]

redirection is only for 6 months, surely? I'd open the ones addressed directly to my home - this isn't on. How important is this friendship? If she refuses to have her mail sent to her new address, I'd mark "gone away" on it and send it back to sender.

[sunny-dave]

Not a moonlight flit - all seemed very properly organised sammy.

But she doesn't seem to have been as up-front with some organisations as I would have expected - I now wonder if she is trying to keep some bail-out options open in case things eventually don't work out.

[hc4361]

She has done this so that can still operate bank accounts in the UK and make use of the NHS if she comes back to the UK on holiday or use her UK health card abroad giving her some free treatment.

Whatever way you look at it, she is using your address to commit fraud. I would be very unhappy about it

[Baldric]

You need to find out why she's acted this way, if you're unhappy with the response, boxys answer is a good one!

[gness]

Redirection can be up to 12 months Boxy...UK or overseas. If she now has an overseas address she could redirect there so it seems odd she wants to use your address as an address Dave, and not just a place for mail to be sent before being forwarded.

[tigerlelly]

hc4361 has probably got it right, I would not be best pleased if my address was being used in this way.

[Kassee]

Tell her you have had enough dealing with it and you dont like the fact she is using your address. Can she now use someone else's address or a PO Box no. Tell her you dont want to do it anymore - tough !

[atalanta]

You may be able to put the return addresses on the backs of the envelopes into a well-known search engine to see where the post is coming from. Then you can see how important they are - if they are coming from debt-collection agencies, County Courts - or just local colleges advertising their evening classes. Decide on your next step, depending how important the letters are. If they are debt-collectors, you must open the letters in case your own credit is damaged by being associated with a debtor at the same address.

[society]

I would not open any of her mails unless told to do so.
However, I'd store all the mails in a receptacle until she comes and collect them.

[magsmay]

We emigrated and kept all our bank accounts in UK with no problems -we just gave the bank our new foriegn address and all our mail came over no problem so I can't see why they would need to pretend they were still in the UK. If it were me I would get in touch as say you think 6 months to get a permanent address is long enough and unfortunately now you will not accept any more mail addressed diectly to her or her partner and will 'return to sender' - if she falls out bad lucjk-it may just be she's got a lot on her mind in a new country -but it may be she's trying to pretend she's still living in the UK for whatever reasons ( child benefit for one)

[flump1]

Pop return to sender ...unknown at this address and put them back into the system. Post a letter to your friend abroad telling her what has happened and why. This lady seems to be taking advantage .

[society]

Have the mails return to sender is a good idea. Think I'd do that too.