Boyfriend won't go

[smee.tracey]

My best friend is trying to end their 5 year relationship. They live together in a lovely housing association rented house. Last night he admitted he had been sleeping with another girl and that it was my friend's fault because she didn't go to the pub with him (they have a 2 year old and a 6 week baby). He has always denied any kind of affairs in the past but now he says he has been seeing this girl for a year and tough! She has told him she wants him out but he refuses to go. He has plenty of other places he could stay but says he wants the house and she has to go with the kids, she has no-where. She can't come to me as I only live next door and no-one else has room. She has done ALL the work on their house and is really proud of what she has done. Her housing association says that unless he PHYSICALLY assaults her they will not intervene but she has had EMOTIONAL abuse for years. I know you might think it's her fault for staying and I agree to some extent but he really is a very nasty piece of work (fighting, drink driving etc) and he has scared her/loved her. A women's refuge is not an option.
Please, does anyone know any legal procedures in the UK where she can have him evicted, he doesn't contribute financially at all and they won't change the tenancy to her name unless he agrees!
I know he's a b.stard so please just helpful stuff, time really is running out for her. By the way, the police are aware of the situation, my bf is a copper. Thank you very much

[philandlil]

can't she change the locks while hes out?

[mystress]

smee.tracey

& philandlil,

I am sorry but as they appear to be joint tenants, your suggestion (however suitable) is completely illegal;added to which if he calls the Police(re changing locks) for that, SHE will get the reputation that he probably deserves!

Unfortunately as the law stands the Police can do nothing,until she makes a complaint(physical)

smee.tracey cannot your b/f suggest anything?

[ceebee007]

Do you have a local branch of Women's Aid?  They would probably be able to advise on the legal situation etc.  They deal with emotional as well as physical abuse.  Have a look at the following for some more info and to find out your nearest branch:

www.womensaid.org.uk

Good luck

[ann_h]

She could try behaving as if he has left anyway.  Just live in the house, pay the bills, do her own housework (not his socks or meals etc)

Hopefully he'll get fed up and go ( if new gf will have him)  -or if he loses his rag and lashes out either at her or at the property she'll have grounds to get him out altogether.

[jean88]

If they are joint tenants then there might be a problem, but normally the woman and young kids get to stay in the house, I am sure about rented. Is she working? If not she can apply for a council house or find another house and get housing benefit,( it would be easy for her as she has two young kids), stay where she is for now, he cant push them out. Even she is in work because of the young kids they would house her quicker. Tell her to enquire at her local benefits agency and tell them the situations. He is responsible for child maintenance for his two kids as well, the benefit agency will point her to the right directions.

Hope this helps her.

[jean88]

I mean not sure about rented accomendations. If the child support agency gets involved he is responsible to help house and supports the kids. Is he in work?

[kazzee69]

Could your friend put her name down for a place for her and the kids. She may have to stay with him for abit until a place becomes available but if she says that he has cheated on her and all that then she might get its sooner.

[smee.tracey]

Dear Everyone,
She's on maternity leave for another 8 months. He works full time.
Typical scenario: She's at home all day, cleaning, washing, looking after the kids etc. He comes home (rows if his dinner is not available within 1 hour). Goes to the pub and sometimes comes home..
The council have offered her a place. Monks Close is not fit to bring up a gerbil. Oh, he has taken her car keys off her keyring (her car), and Monks Close is approx 10 miles from schools, shops, all amenities (it's where they put residents who have been moved on, so there's a particularly low standard of living).
He isn't going anywhere without force. You really haven't met a more objectionable individual in your life.
Tonight, she has managed to get hold of car keys saying the car has to go in for a service, he DEMANDED to take car himself and so she's taken train to Luton to her dad's for weekend for respite (despite yesterday's atrocities).
Anyone know either somewhere I can get help for a dear friend or a half decent lynch mob?

[jean88]

Why is he taking her car off her? If it is hers, its hers. Is he trying to take everything? I think she is just too nice, she should stand up for herself, he is bullying her. Obviously he doesnt show any affection towards her and the kids, there is no way this man going to give in anything.
She is on maternity leave and would she be returning to work, now she lost her partner? Probably be better for her to be on benefits now with the two young kids.

She would get advice at the citizen advice bureau and benefit agency (my previous posts). She needs to sort out her rights and act quickly. He would be in for a surprise how much support he have to pay each month.

Good luck.

[smee.tracey]

Thanks Jean. She got home from her dad's about an hour ago, I'll try to get her round here to read everyones advice to show her she has all sorts of support.