Discrimination At Work??

[bednobs]

need some advice about a sensitive subject. Friend of mine (yes really!) had a stillbirth recently. She put a picture of her son on her desk. someone else complained to the manager and said it was upsetting, so she has been told she must remove it (other people have photos of their children on their desks). They have given her some claptrap reason about it being illegal to have a photo pf a dead relative on display.
I have advised her she should just comply with what the work wants, but she is wondering if there is anything she can do to compel them to let her display it.
Thanks in advance

[albaqwerty]

Don't know about the legalities, but it's extremely insensitive to say the least.
At the risk of being completely insensitive, who is to say that the other displayed photos are of still alive people?

[bednobs]

i suppose the difference here is that the photo is actually of a dead body as such, and i very much doubt that the others are :)

[hc4361]

There is no law about photos of dead relatives but people do have the right not to be offended or shocked in the workplace by personal photos and images - a lot of workplaces have banned 'girlie' calendars.

Would such a photo be considered offensive? Difficult one, but she has no legal right to display it and ought to comply.

[society]

While this picture is of great importance to her, her job is also important. These days jobs are more scarce and one is hard to come by. If it was me I'd remove the picture.

What I find utterly stupid is the job saying "it being illegal to have a photo pf a dead relative on display. "

[ummmm]

I cannot see how that is illegal. So if I decide to have a picture of my dad they would claim that that is illegal?

[hc4361]

If you are at all crafty, bednobs, you could make an embroidered card or something similar with the baby's name which she could put on her desk.

[albaqwerty]

She might be better keeping a photo in her desk drawer (which on she goes into) or her purse.
My sympathies to her, I wish other people would show some compassion.

[albaqwerty]

the other people I was referring to weren't the posters on here, just her work colleagues.

[VHG]

>>>So if I decide to have a picture of my dad they would claim that that is illegal?

But we are talking about a picture if a dead BODY. not just a picture of a person who has since died.

[daffy654]

In my experience it would be very difficult to tell that the picture is of a baby after death, they usually just look like they are sleeping.

[craft1948]

I'm sorry but I just can't understand why anyone would feel the need to have such a photograph in their workplace.

[ummmm]

VHG - like Daffy says, they look like they are sleeping.

Craft - Part of coping I assume.

[bednobs]

well i have to say i agree. I even felt very strange having a similar photo of mne up at home, and it stayed in my bedroom for a long while before finally migrating to our living room. Even now (nearly 3 years on), it's really discreet. Plus only want to share her with certain people, not my work colleagues

[bednobs]

i have no idea what the picture looks like - my daughter does not look like she is just asleep at all though. She is quite discoloured (although the photo is black and white) and dysmorphic

[ummmm]

You can't predict what someone will do in grief or what will comfort them.

[boxtops]

Sad, but we're not allowed any personal stuff on our desks these days - it's all part of the new Clear Desk policy, anyone can sit at anyone's desk.

[bednobs]

my husband works in a sensitive/secure industry and he is not allowed to leave anything on his desk, even if he's popping to the loo or to make a cuppa

[hc4361]

I have seen three photos of stillborn babies, and one looked like a sleeping baby. The other two didn't.

One of the problems with having the photo on the desk is the very awkward conversations it could raise with people not in the know. It is normal to comment on a baby photo and ask 'how old is he now?' It could be upsetting for your friend and her colleague.

I'm not suggesting her colleagues should ignore the situation and pretend it never happened but I can understand them not wanting to have to avoid looking at the photo if they really don't want to see it.

Photo in the drawer is a good compromise. Your friend can look at the photo whenever she likes and it is on hand to show people who express and interest and want to see the baby. Some people are better than others at coping with sensitive situations like this one.

[joko]

i can see both sides of this - i understand the mothers need, and she obviously feels comforted by this pic, but i can understand having a pic of dead baby on show, in your face all day could be upsetting to some - especially if they too have suffered miscarriages or still births, and especially if the baby does not look like it is just sleeping.
the mother must also have consideration for others affected. they have a right not to be forcibly reminded every single day of their own loss.

she does not HAVE to have the picture there, it will not affect anyone if its not there.
perhaps in a few months she will not want to be reminded all day everyday - there is no way she can even begin to move on somewhat if that is there all day.

you would not put a photo of someone in a coffin on your desk, no matter how much you love them.

there is a need for sensitivity and compromise on both sides here - if its her own desk she should keep it in a place out of plain site, perhaps only visible if you are sitting it the seat or somewhere such as in the drawer or on the inner side of her computer or something

[Canary42]

She should comply, and then complain that other people's children pictures are upsetting her - see how the supposed sympathetic and impartial manager reacts to that.