The Mother in Law and Sisters- Help

[Fish the Mod]

I dont think I am a bad dad to Oliver aged 4. I have been unlucky being made redundant twice and I am currently working in the night as a receptionist and studing during the day to be a driver instructor. I make sure there is one day a week that we have to together and this gives Mum a rest. He is a typical 4 year old, naughty but lovable and if I say so myself, he is interested in History and Football and tends to be ( though I have no real way of comparing) more advanced then his pals, he should do well when he starts primary School. I share all the work load with my wife ( who works P/T) and feel I provide really well.

Next week I go on Holiday with the wife, the Mother in law and two sisters (& partners and kids) They are really nice people and really good to Oliver but along with my wife they tend to pick on me. if Ollies falls short of say good manners, or he discovers new swear words. My wife ( who have admitted they worry about what there Mum thinks) tend to side with them and blame me. Oliver is the oldest Grandchild and I wouldnt dare tell my Sister in Laws what to do with thier kids. My Wife complains Oliver and me are more like best friends then Father and son and this has to change. I wasn't close to my Father at all. Should I have a few beers and them them where to go or do I ignore their remarks- A week with them, they will pick on me.

[mystress]

Fish(and I am speaking from a Female point of View),

WHY don't you go on hols with just you,Wife and Oliver? You three obviously need/want time together;and your Wife needs to taken away from Mother/Sisters interference!

I think,yes,you need to have your say(beers or not!) and let them hear some home truths.If it means they(Mother/Sisters) don't have so much to do with you, all well and good.You three are the genuine family,not all the hangers on/interferers!

Sorry,if this is a bit blunt,but it makes my blood boil,when a family has a good Father and he is picked on,just what DO women want? 

[Dark Angel]

Yes, its none of your mother in law and sisters in law's business how you and your wife bring up your son. You don't have to take that type of grief from them, like Mystress said, its better if you and your wife take your son and go on holiday just the three of you.

[woofgang]

Shoulsn't you behaving a private, sensible converstion with your wife about supporting you, esp in front of your (hellish family

[butter1]

I agree with the other posts.  Your relationship with your child and wife have absolutely nothing to do with your in-laws.  How dare they interfer in this way.  I say, make a stand and let them know what YOU are thinking...stand up for yourself and tell them to butt out (of course in the nicest possible way).  Good luck and have a lovely holiday.

[blueeyedlass]

i think your wife has to support you a wee bit more especially in front of your in laws maybe they go on at you because when they do your wife doesnt stop them so they think its ok, i think a couple should always put on a united front in front of others even if they want to disagree and speak about it later.i think its great that you get on matey with your son but do just remember that you are his dad and dont leave all the chastising to your wife, but as for the in laws id tell them that its your wife and yours child and you two will say what goes and for them to mind their own business.

[justineo]

Hi fish the mod, good advice from the others.  As far as being friends with your son or being a 'father' to him need not be an issue. There is no specific role you need to play.  Your son will grow up seeing you as a kind, supportive and fun parent, I think there are many children who would consider themselves very  fortunate to have a dad as caring as you.  A good male role model doesn't have to be a strict father. Be yourself with him and have a lot of fun :)

[natalie_1982]

I think (speaking as someone who has massive prob's with the inlaw's) you ought to speak to your wife.  I never felt that my partner was there to fight my corner whilst I get torn to shreds by his father and sister. Once I told him how I felt he realised how it must be for me being in an environment where they all have a very tight family bond and being constantly criticised.  You really must speak with your wife as it may then be possible that you won't need to have a word with your inlaw's and will prevent any bad atmosphere that will effect your son in the long run.

In short, speak with your wife, tell her how you feel and you want to know and feel that she is 'on your side' and failing that, tell the interfering bleeders (wanted to put a far stronger B word there) to mind their own chuffing business.  He's your son, you're a fantastic dad and it's ****** all to with them.

Out of interest does your wife know about you and your father's relationship?

[Fish the Mod]

Thanks for all your advice, its a great help. To answer Natalies question, My wife is aware of my relationship with my Dad and I have spoken to her. A silly thing is that, I look after Oliver when my wife goes to work, I dress him, feed him and so on. Next week when we are on hoilday she will say in front of her Mum, Dont forget this and dont forget that...I know what your like...and then the Mum will be her pennys worth in and in the unlikely event, I make a mistake they will just go on and on.

[Fish the Mod]

If what you say is true then yes maybe your Wife should support you.  But I would love to hear her side.  Who disciplines your child?  If it is always your wife and you don't support her (if she says you and oliver are more like friends then I suspect this is the case) then that is not fair on her.  As for her family how do you behave in front of them?  Do you give them cause to think that any bad behaviour comes from you?  Some parents don't realise that children don't understand sarcasm, if you are saying things and you are only joking then Oliver will take this as fact and if this then gets him into trouble then I'm afraid I must support your wife and her family on this.    Michelle 43 Wigan

[Fish the Mod]

If what you say is true then yes maybe your Wife should support you.  But I would love to hear her side.  Who disciplines your child?  If it is always your wife and you don't support her (if she says you and oliver are more like friends then I suspect this is the case) then that is not fair on her.  As for her family how do you behave in front of them?  Do you give them cause to think that any bad behaviour comes from you?  Some parents don't realise that children don't understand sarcasm, if you are saying things and you are only joking then Oliver will take this as fact and if this then gets him into trouble then I'm afraid I must support your wife and her family on this.    Michelle 43 Wigan.

[Dark Angel]

Hi Mrs. Fish the Mod!  

[natalie_1982]

PML @ Dark Angel.

Hee Hee!