Rape In Marriage

[leahbee]

If a wife has accused her husband of rape and has made a statement to the police and they have charged him, can she withdraw the statement and drop the charges. They have a nine year old child. Thank you for any advice you can give.

[dizmouk2009]

As far as I know, NO.

They have to persue it

[dizmouk2009]

The only cat in hells chance would be for her to say she made the whole thing up and then the chances are she would be prosecuted for wasting police time.

TheJudge is a good person to comment with regards to this, I'm sure he will see this threat at some point over the next few hours/days.

I can ask my mum if one would like, she's a magistrate...

[Davethedog]

I don't think so, even if she says she made it up. The police's view these days is that, she was under some sort of duress to withdraw.

If he did it, she should pursue, did it once he'll do it again.

If she made it up, the die is cast

[dizmouk2009]

It is a rather serious allegation to make. Not that it really makes much difference but can I ask why she said that and now wants to retract her statement?

[dizmouk2009]

Having a minor involved could really make things bad for him, if he can rape his wife then this could cause some serious issues for the welfare of their daughter. Like I said, it is a serious thing to accuse someone of. The CPS won't take that lightly.

[friedgreentomato]

Perhaps at the time she was sore and angry and hurt and upset Diz, now in the cold light of day she realises that it may not be the best move.

[leahbee]

Thank you dizmouk. She says that the only reason she is thinking of dropping it is because of the affect it could have on the child. She insists that the rape did take place, but the child is very close to his father.

[dizmouk2009]

She cannot and should not allow the child to influence her decision. If he has raped her the BAS***D needs to get punished for it.

[dizmouk2009]

If she tries to drop the charges it is only going to come back and bite her. Like DaveTheDog said, the police are going to think that she's been made to change her mind under duress. A person who can rape someone doesn't deserve to have that contact with his daughter. I'm sorry but I'm not going to mince my words. I don't have children so I can't speak from that point of view but I will say that if I was capable of forcing a sexual act upon anyone, let alone someone I loved I wouldn't be able to call myself a decent person, let alone a fit father.

[dizmouk2009]

Hmm, sorry I made the assumption it was a girl. The sex of the child is irrelevant, well as far as my opinion is concerned anyway.

[Orlin]

Oh dear. How do you feel staying married to someone who has raped you? If you drop the charges the police won't necessarily think you haven't been raped, and neither will anybody else. Unless of course you haven't been raped?
Think about the reasons why you reported the rape.
You wanted your abuse to be taken seriously? You wanted help? Revenge?
Either way you need independent help.
Counselling would be good to support you in your decision. Some police forces take domestic abuse very seriously and have specialist officers to advise.
DON't just ignore the whole thing. It's unlikely just to disappear.
Good luck

[Orlin]

Just read other people's responses to this issue. Any child needs to feel her/his mother will look after herself, I.e. avoid continual abuse, and will pick up on the atmosphere and attitude of both parents.

[leahbee]

Thank you all for your input
Just to make it clear it was someone else who asked me this question .
I am 78 years old!

[New Judge]

I’ll try to answer the question without opinion.

The CPS have a policy of trying to pursue domestic violence matters (of which marital rape must rank among the most serious) with or without the victim’s co-operation as far as they possibly can. It is very often the case that the victim withdraws the allegations between making a statement and the matter coming to court. The CPS will try to get round this and though their usual policy is not to prosecute victims they may well do so if it is in the public interest to do so.

Withdrawal of statements by DV victims is a huge problem and costs enormous amounts of police and court time. Whoever the victim is in this matter she may well find herself facing some very serious investigations by the police to establish whether the accusation she made was false or whether she has withdrawn her co-operation for any other reason. Marital rape is a particularly difficult matter to handle without the victim’s evidence because in almost all cases only the victim and the perpetrator were present.

Where I will venture into opinion is to say that if the accusations are true and the perpetrator is allowed to get away with what is a very serious crime matters will almost certainly only get worse for the victim. There is little doubt about that.

[dizmouk2009]

The person is lucky to have someone as nice as you turn to. Keep up the good work and tell her that she is going to need to get some help from friends and family because whether the charges can be dropped or not she has suffered and needs a good support network. My wife left me 2 weeks ago and I was told to speak to an organisation called 'Relate'. I haven't yet because I'm more set on self destruction and self pitty but still they are 'apparently' good :)

[dizmouk2009]

This is completely irrevelant now to this but can I just say that 'New Judge' is great at advising this sort of thing which is why I mentioned them ealier (got the name wrong sorry :), ). Not to make it look like I'm blowing your trumpet buy your advise has helped me somewhat in the past also. Keep up the good work :)

[leahbee]

Thank you New Judge, I will pass your opinion on.
Just to say that the rape took place when they had just seperated.
Dizmouk again thank you . I am so sorry to hear of the breakdown of your marriage. You must be devastated but still you are willing to help others.
In my previous life I was a welfare rights officer at CAB so I do know about relate and have had some very good feedback from clients.
I hope that things turn out well for you. Take care.
It always helps to talk to some

[leahbee]

Just to say what a fantastic site AB is.

[dizmouk2009]

It isn't the site that makes AB great, it's the people :)