Elderly Neighbour Neglected By Family, Need Help What To Do?

[Gyvybe]

Hi,
We have an elderly poorly neighbour who we know has been struggling to look after himself. We've been seeing some of his adult children pop in and out in the last couple of months so we assumed he's looked after.

Until last night.

At 10pm I heard someone calling 'Help!' 'Help!' We came outside, and found our neighbour collapsed on this front garden, just in front on the door, topless, disorientated, calling for help. My husband tried to carry him inside but he was too heavy. I called another neighbour and they carried him inside. What they found there was shocking - the house was like a skip, dirty, messy, the man looked like he hasn't washed for weeks, he's been smoking inside, and he highly likely lived in the living room for a while. Turned out he is also a diabetic, and hasn't been taking the medication. The man insisted we do not call anyone, and that he'll be fine.

My husband called the Ambulance and also called a number on the old man's mobile with the hope of reaching a relative. His daughter picked it up, but as she was in West Midlands and we are based in Hampshire, she promised she'll call his other son, her brother.

This so called son rocked up 10 minutes later with his wife, walked past us, mumbled something, and - luckily - the ambulance arrived at the same time.

The ambulance took our neighbour into hospital. Obviously, as not related to the man, we were not told what will happen next. Will there be a social care person assigned to him? Will they just release him as per normal? He can't survive on his own by the looks of it, and we simply don't know how the system works and how to help him.

My question is - what can we do? Should we call social services? How to find out who to call?

The very least is the risk of him smoking in bed/ on the sofa / etc. and setting his house alight as he clearly is too old to look after himself...
Please help.

[ummmm]

Maybe he's always lived that way. Not everyone is house proud. His kids might also live in untidy houses so his house would be normal to them.

If the hospital has concerns they will contact social services who will try and arrange a care plan.

You say the kids visit him so they aren't neglecting him but they can't predict when he might have a hypo (or whatever it's called) You'd have to be with him 24/7 to make sure that never happens.

[Canary42]

Sounds like his neighbours neglected him too until he cried out for help ! At least his family called on him.

[Gyvybe]

Thanks ummmm for your thoughts. We noticed the decline in tidyness over years, and it started with the lawn not being mowed for months etc. It wasn't always like this, however you are right that we simply don't know what their standard of cleanliness is.

[Gyvybe]

Canary42 - it might sound like this, however we have made multiple attempts to suggest we help him out with shopping, with caring for the garden, etc. - and always got a firm 'No, thanks' as he seemed to be too proud / embarrassed to accept even the smallest bit of help. He insisted we don't even call the ambulance or his children.

[friedgreentomato]

Perhaps he also turned down his childrens offers of help?

[emmie]

perhaps a discreet call to the social services and get their advice.

[237SJ]

I know it`s not your business but is there any chance you could suggest to him that he gets one of those alarms to wear (called Careline in these parts)? At least if he falls again, he can get help.

[LoftyLottie]

Some elderly people don't want to let go of their independence and even decline help from their family. It's not unusual. It may well be that his offspring might want to help and he just doesn't let them - and you can't force anybody to do anything they don't want to do. It might sound harsh, but it's a fact and their is nothing social services can do if this is the case unless the gentleman concerned in registered as mentally unsound.

Don't be to quick to suggest his family is actually neglecting him.

You could call social services and ask their advice.

[emmie]

you have to pay for careline, would he be up for that...

[Gyvybe]

friedgreentomato - possible. There have been heated fights / arguments at his house on several occasions when his children would pop in, but overall they seemed on OK terms.

[LoftyLottie]

FGT and I obviously have the same thoughts ;o)

[Gyvybe]

Thanks for your feedback - I agree he may have brushed off his children's suggestions just like he refused ours for years.
I will look into Careline, and will also try and speak to his daughter if/when she pops in next.
Thank you all.

[LoftyLottie]

I know what it is like to be accused by neighbours of neglecting a parent. My parent wasn't neglected by me in any way, but every offer of help of anything I tried to do was either turned down or caused an argument and in some respects it caused me so much upset that I didn't visit her as often as I would have liked. She was very cantankerous and unkind. Perhaps this gentleman is the same.

[LoftyLottie]

Good luck. It is very nice that you are caring and quite unkind of Canary to post what she/he did without knowing the facts.

[Gyvybe]

Thanks LoftyLottie for sharing this. I now see the other side of this too.
I'll speak to my husband and we'll see how we can get to speak to his children.

[Connemmara]

As far as I am aware you pay for careline don't you know. so the gentleman could refuse to pay.

[237SJ]

My Mum recently had a Careline installed and the first 6 months were free (via the local Council - maybe other councils have a deal). I think people on certain benefits may get them free but it works out at about £17 per month otherwise.

[EcclesCake]

Careline is a good idea in theory but in practice the user still has to press the alarm.

My father spent the night lying on the floor until his carer found him in the morning because he didn't want to disturb anyone :-(

[woofgang]

Social services can do nothing without the bloke's permission and that includes talking about him to anyone including his family. I know this sounds hard but imagine how you would feel if it was you being discussed.
Realistically (and this is going to sound terrible but I used to work in the NHS in the community, mostly with older people) the only way to get anything done is to represent the man as a safety risk to other householders if he smokes, but if there is no evidence or record of fire in his home then you won't get far; or if there are vermin in his house/garden then public health might be prepared to get involved.

Canary shut up. Just shut up.

[woofgang]

Re: careline, the bloke would have to agree to installation whether or not he pays for it, some councils and charities provide it free or at a reduced cost, some places everyone pays. In any case, they will only deal with him or someone who he has agreed can represent him.