Criminal Damage

[polar1]

Hi there.. i'm in desperate need for help, 20 years ago i was in a very abusive relationship as soon as my son was born i moved out of it for his sake, he kept in touch with us, i'd been controlled for so long and he being on the front of things a charming man who everyone liked I was still to intimatated to stop him. no-one ever believed me about how cruel he was.
i met a wonderful man i'm now married with another son, only my ex has moved into my area and is interfering with my personal life, i very calmly asked him to stop he laughed in my face. so i contacted his girlfriend (8 0r 9th since i left) to ask if she could maybe get though to him?.
week later he stepped infront of my car run his finger across his throat and pointed to me, I found a voice for the first time and asked what his problem was he jumped into my car hitting and twisting my wrist as i drove off, infact he was kicking my car...
I went home shaken up but instead of just calling the police my husband jumped in the car and went to his house, i left it 5-10 mins then frightened for my husband i went to his house, there was my ex with his suit on denying it all! as my husband turned his back my ex again run his finger across his throat.... i saw red went for him obviously i couldn't get to him so frustrated i picked up a handful of chippings and threw them.
went to the police made a statement, next day i was told that the c.p.s aren't taking it on.
next day i was taken in arrested put in cell for criminal damage a window was smashed on his camper van when i threw these chippings ...
as i have bipolar this is very traumatic and the thought of facing court is making me suicidal!! oh when our son who is 18 rung him he admitted hitting me, asking our son to say sorry to me.
my son told the police this only for my ex to call him a liar!
my question is will i have to go??
sorry for the long winded post.

[Canary42]

Will you have to go where ?

To Court - possibly

To jail - certainly not

You have my sympathy, hope all goes well in the end. Good luck.

[polar1]

Yes canary42 court, thank-you for your reply

[jackthehat]

Did you see the window smash, or is that what he has said to the Police?

I don't think it will be seen to be in anyone's interest to throw the full weight of the law behind this incident.

I should try not to worry too much.

[Canary42]

CPS early reluctance would seem to indicate they won't take it on, so your confinement in cell by the police was their alternative.

Not likely to hear any more I wouldn't have thought.

Any future such behaviour by your ex must be brought to the attention of the police immediately.

[polar1]

I didn't see the window smash I didn't even aim for it, it was just a moment of rage! he is now saying he has a witness to my "crazy attack" he gets away with everything jackthehat..

[polar1]

cps wouldn't take the assault on canary 42 but i was charged with criminal damage. I feel so sick at this

[jackthehat]

I'm surprised that the force generated from a handful of thrown chippings would cause a laminated window to smash.......

Perhaps that it a point worth considering *should* the matter progress any further.

[polar1]

I put this question to the police jackthehat, "how?" only for them to reply that because my ex has found a witness their hands are tied and the cps as decided to take it on... i've never been in trouble in my life, I was wrong to pick up chippings I feel bad that damage was caused but I never for one minute meant to cause damage.

[polar1]

I have an appointment with my well being team wednesday does anyone know if they can help, I really can't face court I've not slept won't leave the house and it's impacting on my lovely husband and two boys.

[Canary42]

Oh dear, poor you - a moment's "red mist" has put you in an unfortunate position. With a good solicitor you should get a sympathetic hearing in Court and get off lightly, especially since you went to the police after the incident..

Your best bet for now would seem to be to see your doctor to cope with the obvious stress it is causing you.

And hopefully one of AB's legal eagles will be along some time with a more expert opinion.

[polar1]

thank-you so much canary42 x

[DJHawkes]

why on earth has this sort of threatening and abusive behavior started after all this time, is he ill? I don't understand why it's all happened like this?

[polar1]

Hi there djhawkes he moved into my area before that I only had to put up with phone calls and silly name calling via family members...

[lcg]

ignore your ex completely and do not associate with him at all (i.e. go to his house, job or any relatives in common) - even if he approaches you, say nothing and walk away. report all the threatening behaviour to the police as it happens - but calm down before doing it, get home or somewhere safe and ring them every time. easier said than done, but you then know that you are doing the right thing - petty 'face-offs' or running round to his every time something happens is juvenile, and it will get you and your hubby into trouble if you keep doing it - DO NOT go near him under any circumstances.

as for the criminal damage, if you saw the window smash, admit it and you will get a slap on the wrist.....if you didn't, state you are not guilty and you will get a slap on the wrist (all you will get is a small fine or a conditional discharge - which means you have to behave yourself for a certain amount of time.....usually 6-12 months). nothing bad is going to happen to you and your ex is basically winding you up as i think he knows this will get to you. please stop worrying or you will make yourself unwell again.

certainly speak to your care co-ordinator/wellbeing team about what has happened and how it has made you feel for some support and plan help if things start getting too much. they will not intervene in the court process for such a petty offence (i am a psych nurse and only people who have committed serious crime get assessed by mental health professionals - not for criminal damage), i suspect, but will be concerned with keeping you well instead.

i also have mental health problems and can certainly see why you are upset and angry at your ex, but you cannot let this incident overshadow your whole life - it will only make you unwell and maybe this is w3hat your ex wants. take your meds, get some sleep at night (chemically induced if necessary!) and carry on with all the other things that occupy your life - housework, your job, entertaining the kids in the holidays, shopping etc. that is what is important, not your ex. let him whinge and moan and behave like a child. it is very unlikely that he will hurt you, or do anything that leaves any kind of firm evidence - i think he is a wind-up merchant and you and your hubby are falling for it!

leave him alone, report every threat/harrassment you can to the police, deal with the criminal damage charge (it is a minor offence and nowt will happen) and get on with YOUR life. sod his x

[polar1]

thank you icg x wonderful advise and you can be sure i'll do what you've suggested x x