Social Workers Open This!!! Need A Chat About Adoption

[DrunkOnChocolate]

I want to know if there are any social workers on here who specify in adoption. If so I neeed you to talk to me about something.

[China Doll]

You're better off asking the actual question; quite a few people on here may not be social workers but work in fields where they come in to contact with them and may be able to advise.

[DrunkOnChocolate]

My question is if I would be aloud to go and find my parents now. I am 16 but can't see them till I am 18 and I want to know about them but my mum won't tell me. She can be a proper cow sometimes but try and over look that. All I know is I was adopted coz my dad sold iligal drugs for a job and my mum was on iligal drugs and so we were taken away from her when she got to ill to look after me and my younger sister

[China Doll]

I am willing to be proved wrong but I don't think agd is a factor in you. Making enquiries about your biological family, are you in the UK? Perhaps that makes a difference.

[anneasquith]

I wondered if the op was American. ?

[DrunkOnChocolate]

I live in Wales at the moment and was born and lived in England the whole time. I was in a care home in England and lived in England for about 7-8 years until my adoptive parents split up. Now I live half way in England and Wales really coz visit both parents but mostly with my mum in Wales. She is the one who at first said she didn't know anything about my parents. Now she is saying that she does know but she doesn't want to show me it yet. I want to find out about them so if she won't show me I want to try and find out myself.

[plowter]

Try contacting TALKadoption. They run a helpline for young people (under 26) who want to talk about any issue to do with adoption. It is run by After Adoption.

TALKadoption: 0808 808 1234

http://www.afteradoption.org.uk/are-you-adopted-adult-or-birth-relative

[DrunkOnChocolate]

I want the answer of someone on here who is a social worker or who knows coz otherwise people will find out if I am on the phone about it!

[EDDIE51]

Go to a phone box ( yes they still exist) and use that.
There was a thread on here about this awhile ago, the answer was that you can not get access to the official records of your adoption until you are 18, but you can look yourself. Your problem seems to be that you can't do this behind your Mum's back and she is not willing to help. Once you are 18 your Mum can't stop you so possibly you may want to wait until then.

[Maydup]

What about your adoptive Dad, does he know anything about your birth parents?

[DrunkOnChocolate]

Not as much as my mum. She has all the pictures seing as we live with her and not my dad. They split up when I was 8. Dad stayed in England and I moved to Wales and never fitted in. Also it is boring and it would be fun to try and find out about real parents. Also I want to know what they look like. Then that way I will know if the thoughts at the back of my head are right.

[lyall]

I couldn’t make my mind up if this question was genuine or not last night so I have given myself 24 hours to think about it and have decided that genuine or not as a 16 year old you deserve an honest answer, my sincerest apologies if any of my answer upsets you.

At 16 you are still classed as a minor and with the circumstances you mentioned the authorities will be strict about not letting you see your natural parents until you are 18.

Think long and hard about your decision to find them, you are young and vulnerable, ask yourself do you really want to associate with people like that? Take into account that your natural parents may not want to have contact with you, they may be in prison or they may have passed away. If at 18 you do decide to try and locate them do any searching through official social service channels that way you get help and support, but don’t get your hopes up, it’s not that easy for adoptees to find and meet their natural parents. Even if your natural parents do agree to see you it won’t be instantaneous you’re likely to have to go through interviews and counselling before you meet them.

Don’t think you are alone in feeling like you do, the majority of adopted children, at some point in their lives, have gone through a similar stage, the majority of us are curious and have questions at some point, some follow it through others don’t.

Your Mum may have some information but it may not be as much as you think and she will have good reasons for not telling you just yet, trust her, she will tell you when she thinks you will be able to handle what she has to say.

My advice is to wait until you are 18, that’s less than 2 years, it’ll go fast, but please go into it with your eyes wide open and be prepared for what you might find.

Don’t dismiss the help lines they will treat whatever you say in the strictest confidence. If contacting them by phone is not an option what about email? Try Adoption UK they have been giving out advice for 40 years and they have a link on their website that leads to a contact email form. Their address is - http://www.adoptionuk.org/form/103129/b_conhelpline/

[LadyOfQuestions]

its ok. I know how you feel. confused right. you have to wait but I agree with lyall. wait a bit. ok? reply! :)