Carrying A Torch

[rabet]

Still desperately missing a partner after thirty years of divorce and remarriage to a lovely wife. Is this wrong, or can anyone relate to this? Your views would be appreciated.

[DJHawkes]

oh yes, definitely, i married the brother of the love of my life, the marriage lasted 17 years and then divorce, the love of my life died in 2002 but he's still in my thoughts most days. It's not wrong to have been in love is it?

[rabet]

If "he" was the love of your life, why did you marry his brother?

[Ric.ror]

Are you really missing her? Or is it just a wistful rememberance of your youth?

[DJHawkes]

rabet because he was apparently gay, he ran off to live with the man he spent the last 22 years of his life with, in Fuengirola. Both of them were wonderful people.

[grasscarp]

Maybe many of us think of someone we are not with. If you were with them it could be mundane and you could be arguing with them or completely fall out, but because they are on your mind it is all perfect and you can fantasise that you and they would be happy forever.

[rabet]

Ric. yes, desperately. We are still in touch and I see her occasionally (we have two sons and three grandchildren).

[rabet]

Grasscarp, I think you have a good point there.

[askyourgran]

I agree with grasscarp. The grass is always greener.... but think hard about the reasons for the split.

[rabet]

ayg, I have spent thirty years thinking about the reasons.

[Peter Pedant]

I lost my heart to someone who erm later did a stint in prison

[ yes they had done the thing they were imprisoned for ]

I spend a lot of time thinking I could easily have ruined my life
and had peeked over a precipice and drawn back - and returned to a cup of tea and my knitting.

metaphorically sudduv

[woofgang]

Feelings are feelings, they aren't wrong or right, they are just feelings....but to be fair to your lovely wife I think that you need to try to put these feelings to rest and focus on what you have now. Its easy to dwell on how wonderful the "might have been" would be and risk losing what you have now.....

[Jeza]

I wish the torch I carried had been an Olympic one.

[dizmouk2009]

woofgang is right. My wife buggered off 3 months ago and I'd do anything to get back with her but if I meet someone else and start a new life with that person I'd have to move on. Life is too bloody short. I wouldn't think twice about my wife if I was with someone who I loved and who loved me. As long as my wife is happy and has moved on with her life too then what matters?

Ok tell me if I'm rambling...

[lcg]

i often think of the alternative life i could have had with my best friend's brother. every time i see him, i am reminded of this. i have no doubt that we could have been very happy, but we have never been singly/separated/divorced at the same time. this does hurt still, even after 25 years, but i am proud that i have invested in, and worked at my marriage. but it does not stop me wondering, and even fantasising what my life could have been like. i know he feels the same....and that perhaps makes things hurt just a little bit more than what they should. i repeat that i am happily married, but there is just always a little bit of me.....

[Canary42]

Still miss the love of my life, even though she died 25 years ago.

[Dee Sa]

absence makes the heart grow fonder......
I never met my father in law he died about 35 years ago, but by all accounts he mentally abused his kids and gave them beatings but at family gatherings they talk about him as though he was a saint .

[woofgang]

good point Dee