Joke For Aog Given His 'in View Of The Present Fears' Thread

[DTCwordfan]

He'll enjoy this - I did. It could go on his thread, News, Family, or Competitions....

A new game called 'ASYLUM'

Today's competition: Hijack an airliner and win a council house! We've already given away hundreds of millions of pounds and thousands of dream homes, courtesy of our sponsor the British Taxpayer. And don't forget, we're now the fastest growing game on the planet.

Anyone can play, provided they don't already hold a valid British passport, and you only need one word of English: 'ASYLUM'!

Prizes include all-expenses-paid accommodation, cash benefits starting at £180 a week and a chance to earn thousands more begging, mugging and accosting drivers at traffic lights. This competition is open to everyone buying a ticket or stowing away on one of our partner airlines, ferry companies or Eurostar.

No application ever refused reasonable or unreasonable. All you have to do is destroy all your papers and remember the magic password: “ASYLUM”.

Only this week 140 members of the Taliban family from Afghanistan were flown Goat Class from Kabul to our international gateway at Stansted where local law enforcement officers were on hand to fast-track them to their luxury £200-a-night rooms in the fabulous four star Hilton Hotel. They join tens of thousands of other lucky winners already staying in hotels all over Britain.

Our most popular destinations also include the White Cliffs of Dover and the world famous Toddington Services area In Historic Bedfordshire.

If you still don't understand the rules, don't forget there's no need to phone a friend or ask the audience, just apply for legal aid. Hundreds of lawyers, social workers and counsellors are waiting to help. It won't cost you a penny, so play today; it could change your life forever.

Iraqi terrorists, Afghan dissidents, Albanian gangsters, pro-Pinochet activists, anti-Pinochet activists, Kosovan drug-smugglers, Tamil tigers, bogus Bosnians, Rwandan mass murderers, Somali guerrillas...COME ON DOWN!

Get along to the airport, get along to the lorry park, get along to the ferry terminal. Don't stop in Germany or France. Go straight to Britain and you are guaranteed to be one of tens of thousands of lucky winners in the softest game on earth.

[baza]

many a true word spoken in jest.

[DTCwordfan]

The pampers for mopping up your puddle probably would come free, divebuddy

[Electrochem]

Was this in the Daily Mail?

[DTCwordfan]

lol - no idea, Electrochem; they would sponsor it, I guess.....

[mushroom25]

you forgot to mention the free train ticket to east Croydon..........

[sandyRoe]

Those Afghans who hijacked a plane which landed at Stanstead. Have they won an episode of the game?

[inksplotter]

Do you have different tokens? Bagsy me the thrown shoe.

[stocksman]

At first I wondered why this was in the jokes section. I thought it was a real advert. I was feeling left out as I don't fit the criteria, purely and simply down to my place of birth.

[DTCwordfan]

Being born in Blackpool is so difficult..........

[Hypognosis]

I'm looking forward to the DJ Obsequious remix, where each of the soaraway giveaways is suffixed with a "(this proves Britain isn't racist)" tag.
I'm convinced this is what all the bending over backwards is all about. Favourable unequal treatment is still unequal treatment and that is, paradoxically, racist (imho).