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Have You Had Any Holiday Disasters?
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None of my holidays have been incident free but my trip to Los Angeles takes the biscuit. Some of the incidents include:
1. On the plane I was seated between two rather butch women - one wanted a window seat and one wanted an aisle seat so they wouldn't swap. They argued across me throughout the flight and then when the meal came they both turned on me as they were vegan and I was eating meat.
2. A friend collected me from the airport and 5 minutes later we were involved in an accident. The car was a classic sports car with no seatbelts and I hit the windscreen. I spent all the holiday with 2 black eyes and a broken nose.
3. I was sitting on the end of the bed getting dressed when there was an earthquake. A wardrobe fell over and landed on my head so numerous stitches added to my glamorous look.
4. In downtown L.A. I was mugged by a man in one of those speed wheelchairs. As he grabbed my bag he ran over my foot, adding 2 broken toes to my growing list of injuries.
Every day of that holiday was a nightmare and I was glad to be on my way home. On the flight home a loaded gun was found in the loo so we were diverted and we all had to be strip searched. I eventually arrived back in the UK to find my luggage had gone AWOL. Customs stopped me for a search and as they opened my hand luggage, my duty free booze rolled out and smashed on the floor.
Beat that!
1. On the plane I was seated between two rather butch women - one wanted a window seat and one wanted an aisle seat so they wouldn't swap. They argued across me throughout the flight and then when the meal came they both turned on me as they were vegan and I was eating meat.
2. A friend collected me from the airport and 5 minutes later we were involved in an accident. The car was a classic sports car with no seatbelts and I hit the windscreen. I spent all the holiday with 2 black eyes and a broken nose.
3. I was sitting on the end of the bed getting dressed when there was an earthquake. A wardrobe fell over and landed on my head so numerous stitches added to my glamorous look.
4. In downtown L.A. I was mugged by a man in one of those speed wheelchairs. As he grabbed my bag he ran over my foot, adding 2 broken toes to my growing list of injuries.
Every day of that holiday was a nightmare and I was glad to be on my way home. On the flight home a loaded gun was found in the loo so we were diverted and we all had to be strip searched. I eventually arrived back in the UK to find my luggage had gone AWOL. Customs stopped me for a search and as they opened my hand luggage, my duty free booze rolled out and smashed on the floor.
Beat that!
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Years ago we holidayed at a “dog friendly” farm in cornwall. When we got there on the saturday, we discovered that we had misread the date and that the cottage occupancy started on friday. In front of the cottages on the little green was a duck pond complete with ducks...great start for two water loving weimaraners. The field where we were “free to let dogs run off lead” bordered sheep fields and was fenced with barbed wire. Cue dogs hastily back on leads before they flung themselves on the barbed wire to get at the sheep. OK then....to the beach....where the dogs drank sea water and then sicked it up in the car and on the cottage rug so used our towels to soak up the mess and back out to local coinop laundrette. Final straw was discovering that two legs on the settee were broken and the settee was only balanced on them...we slept there that night, got up very early the next morning and came home.
woof, I don't blame you!
Talking of dogs - when I was little we booked a B&B in Blackpool for a week. When we got there and the landlady opened the front door, we were bowled over by her pack of SEVEN dogs. We went inside and spotted a pile of dog poo inn the hall and another one just inside the dining room.
We went outside, telling the landlady we were going for our luggage in the car - and cleared off
Talking of dogs - when I was little we booked a B&B in Blackpool for a week. When we got there and the landlady opened the front door, we were bowled over by her pack of SEVEN dogs. We went inside and spotted a pile of dog poo inn the hall and another one just inside the dining room.
We went outside, telling the landlady we were going for our luggage in the car - and cleared off
Beat that?....You must be joking......though it's rare for me to have a holiday without a disaster.....
We were driving from Canada to America across a small border patrol and I had the flu......sicker than any man I was and had to lie in the back of the car.
This was shortly after Lord Mountbatten was murdered.
MrG handed the passports through the car window......the Brits were fine and got a smile.....I have an Irish passport......♣
You're Irish....said the officer........I sniffled......
Ma'am.....I need you to tell me where you were when Lord Mountbatten was killed!
Sorry?
You heard me, Ma'am......now, where were you.
Holy Mother....I don't know......in bed in Calgary I suppose.
I need more details than that, Ma'am.....where exactly.....
Now, at this point I should have just made something up....like lunching with the Mayor of Calgary......the officer can't have known the timings....but when you're ill you get crabby sometimes......
Tell you what....I said....if you tell me where you were when Kevin Barry was murdered I'll tell you where I was when Lord Mountbatten was murdered.
I never had to see MrG's face to know how far up his forehead his eyebrows had gone.....I could just feel it....
Anyway, before I could sneeze, I was out of the car and taken in for some serious and lengthy questioning.....
And we drove for many miles before anyone spoke to me.......☺
We were driving from Canada to America across a small border patrol and I had the flu......sicker than any man I was and had to lie in the back of the car.
This was shortly after Lord Mountbatten was murdered.
MrG handed the passports through the car window......the Brits were fine and got a smile.....I have an Irish passport......♣
You're Irish....said the officer........I sniffled......
Ma'am.....I need you to tell me where you were when Lord Mountbatten was killed!
Sorry?
You heard me, Ma'am......now, where were you.
Holy Mother....I don't know......in bed in Calgary I suppose.
I need more details than that, Ma'am.....where exactly.....
Now, at this point I should have just made something up....like lunching with the Mayor of Calgary......the officer can't have known the timings....but when you're ill you get crabby sometimes......
Tell you what....I said....if you tell me where you were when Kevin Barry was murdered I'll tell you where I was when Lord Mountbatten was murdered.
I never had to see MrG's face to know how far up his forehead his eyebrows had gone.....I could just feel it....
Anyway, before I could sneeze, I was out of the car and taken in for some serious and lengthy questioning.....
And we drove for many miles before anyone spoke to me.......☺
nothing like these - an early memory of coming back from Ireland for the first time, (aged 12) staying at the hotel where gness's family were connected with....
Got to Bristol airport on the return, one customs officer asking for the family luggage on the bench as he wished to inspect it and my mother staring him down and imperiously stating, "What, we're not that sort of family, I'll have you know."
Result, everything searched and my father could have strangled her.
Got to Bristol airport on the return, one customs officer asking for the family luggage on the bench as he wished to inspect it and my mother staring him down and imperiously stating, "What, we're not that sort of family, I'll have you know."
Result, everything searched and my father could have strangled her.
There was also the time in Spain when four men jumped out of their car and tried to snatch the bags of me and two friends. One of the muggers stood legs akimbo - a perfect crotch shot. I kicked him as hard as I could. I forgot I was wearing flip flops and all that happened was that I missed the meaty bits, struck bone and broke my big toe. I ended up hopping around on one leg while the man casually relieved me of my bag.
From a commercial angle, Canadian immigration is one of the worst in the world - the problem being that if there is a hint of service from outside, they impose a 12.5% tax on consultancy and offshore support.....I've spent too much time behind scenes arguing the toss that I wasn't there for such work but for inward investment with Canadian companies...
No injuries, luckily.
I got stranded on an inhabited island in Thailand. It was scary as no one knew where we were. We took a boat ride over and there was two Thai men that had a hut there selling cold drinks to tourists. 30 mins after we arrived a storm started and our boatman said we couldn't go back. I was just in a bikini and sarong. The Thai men were very nice...but at first I was really scared. We left about 6am the next morning.
In Cyprus we witnessed a jet ski crash. We watched the paramedics trying to revive a 16 year old girl. She died :-(
In Egypt we stayed in a diving hotel and two divers never resurfaced.
I got stranded on an inhabited island in Thailand. It was scary as no one knew where we were. We took a boat ride over and there was two Thai men that had a hut there selling cold drinks to tourists. 30 mins after we arrived a storm started and our boatman said we couldn't go back. I was just in a bikini and sarong. The Thai men were very nice...but at first I was really scared. We left about 6am the next morning.
In Cyprus we witnessed a jet ski crash. We watched the paramedics trying to revive a 16 year old girl. She died :-(
In Egypt we stayed in a diving hotel and two divers never resurfaced.
an accident that paid dividends.
One 5 * resort in Vermont, summer time, in the pool with the wee one and it was 34C, unusually warm for there in the mountains. The wife asked me to get a sunhat for the wee one, so I came out of the water and, stupid me, trotted across the pool side and up a slate path, unfinished steps up onto the bank. Next thing I knew was my knee buried into the slate and not a small incision....calmly call the wife.....
Ambulance in and I was carted off to a front-line ski-centre for stitching - 14 stitches and how it missed slicing into a nerve/blood vessel, who knows as it was like a flap hanging down. As I went, I heard a staff member ask "What's the future owner of Topnotch like?"
Even though it was my own daft fault, they had surrounded the slate squares on the top path with wood but hadn't finished the steps and also there were no signs around. Result: the medical expenses and all our board, accommodation and meals paid for, just the booze on the account.
One 5 * resort in Vermont, summer time, in the pool with the wee one and it was 34C, unusually warm for there in the mountains. The wife asked me to get a sunhat for the wee one, so I came out of the water and, stupid me, trotted across the pool side and up a slate path, unfinished steps up onto the bank. Next thing I knew was my knee buried into the slate and not a small incision....calmly call the wife.....
Ambulance in and I was carted off to a front-line ski-centre for stitching - 14 stitches and how it missed slicing into a nerve/blood vessel, who knows as it was like a flap hanging down. As I went, I heard a staff member ask "What's the future owner of Topnotch like?"
Even though it was my own daft fault, they had surrounded the slate squares on the top path with wood but hadn't finished the steps and also there were no signs around. Result: the medical expenses and all our board, accommodation and meals paid for, just the booze on the account.
The only disaster I remember was mum telling me to put my blood glucose meter in the wee pocket in the seat in front of me as I may need it in an emergency and before my inflight meal.
Get to our destination, get to apartments 'mum? Dad? Have you seen my meter?' Left it on the plane with all my spare needles and lancets and things. I had no meter for 2 weeks and 2 needles! At the time we didn't know about the pharmacy in the area but it was 2 weeks from hell for me and NEVER to be repeated. I keep my stuff in a wee packet in my handbag!
Get to our destination, get to apartments 'mum? Dad? Have you seen my meter?' Left it on the plane with all my spare needles and lancets and things. I had no meter for 2 weeks and 2 needles! At the time we didn't know about the pharmacy in the area but it was 2 weeks from hell for me and NEVER to be repeated. I keep my stuff in a wee packet in my handbag!
playing golf a week later was interesting, (the doc advised me it would be ok) a round with a friend in the town. My first nine was appalling, about a 46 I think as I wouldn't trust tension on my knee. Got to the 10th and even though there was some pus fluid, it was holding, so a question of stuff this and I started to swing properly, coming home in 33 (3 under) and two hole outs from bunkers included, my friend gawping as I went from numpty to hitting like a pro. Oh well.
When my brother was little I would collect him from Birmingham Airport for his holidays in England.
On one occasion my car played up so I hired a taxi to take me....now I can drive to BA with my eyes closed and it's not far from Kettering....but the driver had had instructions from his boss just to get on the M1 and keep going til he saw the signs......and there was no way in the world he'd take advice from A WOMAN! I was to keep quiet...so I did
And where did we end up hours later.....a place called Penistone....Yorkshire.....☺
Having had enough of the motorway he decided to head east??....I let him until somewhere around Doncaster he decided to ask at a little police station.....up some steps onto a balcony.
When he ran out.....I could hear the laughter inside....he hit the balcony... fell over it and landed on top of his taxi....then flat out on the ground...
Lord....I thought.....I'm now lost with a dead taxi driver....MrG is never going to believe this.....
However....he recovered.....found his shoe but not his watch....both had flown off in the fall.........and, following my directions we made Birmingham as night fell......☺
On one occasion my car played up so I hired a taxi to take me....now I can drive to BA with my eyes closed and it's not far from Kettering....but the driver had had instructions from his boss just to get on the M1 and keep going til he saw the signs......and there was no way in the world he'd take advice from A WOMAN! I was to keep quiet...so I did
And where did we end up hours later.....a place called Penistone....Yorkshire.....☺
Having had enough of the motorway he decided to head east??....I let him until somewhere around Doncaster he decided to ask at a little police station.....up some steps onto a balcony.
When he ran out.....I could hear the laughter inside....he hit the balcony... fell over it and landed on top of his taxi....then flat out on the ground...
Lord....I thought.....I'm now lost with a dead taxi driver....MrG is never going to believe this.....
However....he recovered.....found his shoe but not his watch....both had flown off in the fall.........and, following my directions we made Birmingham as night fell......☺
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