Teenager trouble

[IHNiwia]

I have a 17 year old daughter and she's recently seemed very depressed Her grades have not been as good as they have been (C's and B's instead of B's and A's) and she's even gotten a few D's, which she's never gotten before. I don't think that it's so much the difficulty, but she really doesn't seem motivated at all. She also doesn't want to do anything with other people, including her friends so I know that it's not just her family. How can I tell if this is a normal thing she's going through, if she has something that I should talk to her doctor about, or if there is really something wrong, such as abuse, although I can't think of anyone who would do something like that.

[stanleyman]

The only way to find out is to reassure and talk to her. Tell her you are very concerned and worried about her. Try to persuade her to visit her doctor for a confidential check up. You may not be entitled to know the outcome of any problem at her age but you can let the doctor know what has been happening as she may well be depressed. Is there someone else she might confide in? If all else fails get her to take a daily St Johns Wort tablet to perk her up.

[andy hughes]

You do need to talk to your daughter, but not necessarily in a 'formal' way. Try and arrange some time when the two of you are alone - a 'girlie night in' is deal - slushy DVD, chocs, that kind of sceario. This leads to the kind of relaxed atmosphere You need.

Sometime during the evevning, say how nice it is that you can spend time like this - remind her how frantic modern life is, and there is often no time to just sit and relax together.

Ask her outright if she is happy - and you can guage by her reaction whether or not to pursue the conversation or not. If it's 'not' - tell her that you are always there for her, and she can tell you anything, and make shure you accepnt the 'anything'.

That's all you can do - be there for her, and see if she comes to you. If not, ask another relative or friend to try and have a word, but at this age, girls are incredibly sensitive and private, so just keep an eye on her generally, and see how things go. I'm on my third teenage daughter - I sympathise!

[Hermia]

Is there any chance she is being bullied? My grades plummetted when I was bullied at school and my cousin went from model student to dropout when he was bullied at college.

I agree with everyone else re: talking to her in a non-threatening, roundabout way. Mind you, I think the mid-teens are an absolutely vile age to be...

[IHNiwia]

Thanks all so much for your advice!