Is My Wife Having An Affair?

[Ploppy1999]

My wife decided to play match maker with her work mate (male) and our school friend, i thought it was a nice idea and didn't think anything more of it. I found out since that they have been texting each other every day, she set the date up and it went well but they too have developed a friendship. When i found out that they were sending messages to each other every day 6/7am right through until 11/12pm i got a little upset. I don't know this work mate nor have never met him. My wife assures me she loves me and isn't having an affair but she refuses to place any boundies. I don't like it and asked he behaves like a normal friend and keep to solically acceptable times, i don't want to tell her who she can and can't be friends with but it just feels wierd that a man i don't know is messaging my wife every day. I asked he stop whilst we were on holiday and she didn't stop him, so when a message came in at 11.30pm i got cross and replied on her phone demanding he stop. my wife got mad with me for ruining her solical life. the messages calmed down for a few weeks but its started again, now my wife has turned her phone onto silent or she will hide it thinking i won't notice. I've read a few messages when she's gone to bed and it is just friendly chat.. he tries to flirt but i can see she ignores it. My wife goes to the gym with her mother every friday whilst i stay home with the children the last message is on about him joining the same gym. I don't want to fall out with my wife, i feel my paranoia could be making things worse but i just want it to stop. should i be this worried?

[Buenchico]

As I read it, the most likely scenario is that the other guy probably fancies your wife but, although she's flattered by the attention he gives her, she's not really attracted to him (or, if she is, she's determined to remain faithful to you).

[waterboatman]

I would put a stop to it. It looks to me like this bloke fancies his chances with your wife.

[Smowball]

As a woman I’ll give you my view. I agree with both prev answers - this guy almost certainly fancies your wife, and it looks like she is not reciprocating his feelings, but she isn’t helping by engaging in all this 24-7 chat!

[Ploppy1999]

So how do i stop it?

[waterboatman]

Sit her down and talk to her. Ask her to tell you the truth and that you're not happy with this situation.

[aelmpvw]

//I don't want to fall out with my wife//
sounds to me like you need to have a 'fall out' with her male friend

[Smowball]

I actually think your wife is being a bit selfish. She’s put her phone onto silent?

[waterboatman]

Yes. Also warn him off!

[waterboatman]

If you don't, it's likely to turn into a full on affair.

[johnny.5]

this reminds me of butterflies just updated

[Ploppy1999]

Yeah she put on to silent so i can't hear when he messages. If i warn him off it could make things worse she didn't speak to me for 2 days when i sent the message to stop the late night messages as i had been rude to her friend.

[aelmpvw]

so she thinks it's reasonable that he's sending her late night messages?

[Ploppy1999]

Yep she doesn't see a problem with the messages, she questions why i don't trust her. I do i don't know him and therefore i don't trust him.

[Smowball]

Ok, I’m reversing it here. If my husband had a female friend(which is fine) but they were txting each other not in a casual one every few days way, but ALL the time, even late at night,and I said it was a tad Too much. And so then he puts his phone on silent and carries on??

[Ploppy1999]

Yeah what would you do? May i add we are in our 30's have been married for 12 years before that we were childhood sweethearts so we have a long history.

[pumpjack]

she doesnt have any respect for your feelings !!!

me ?
i wudnt be having any of it and if you continue then your a walk over and its your own fault

[Bobbisox1]

I agree with all the above, your wife is being unreasonable expecting you to accept that her male work colleague feels it's okay to send these texts at all hours,it's obvious he's got a crush on your wife and perhaps she's flattered by him even though she isn't reciprocating, sorry I can't suggest what the answer to it should be but you sound a thoroughly nice chap, good luck

[Cloverjo]

Tell your wife you have no problem with her having friends, so invite him over for a drink at your house. See how things are then.

[ummmm]

She's leaving her phone unattended for you to read her messages so I doubt she has anything to hide.

[douglas9401]

She may not be having an affair but she's getting the next best thing, loads of attention and jealousy.

The old name for that is probably still in use but couldn't possibly be used on here.