Gay partner problems

[hattster]

Hi,

My partner is visiting me from Thailand, however he says he wants to visit disco's etc, and basically flirt with other guys, he says that it is ok and although he will not have full sex with them he will "explore" and kiss etc. I told him that i don't like it but he says i am being selfish. PLease tell me who is right and who is wrong, i'm pretty new to the gay scene, does this happen alot? and is it normal?

[hattster]

Hi

Thanks for replying, we have been together for just over one year, i have visited him in thailand (yes he is thai) on several occasions, this time will be his first in the uk. He says he wants a full on relationship with me (so do i) , i think the age difference is the problem i am 18yrs his senior.We both love each other but i can't accept what he is asking me, he says i should trust him but i can't bear the thought of him even kissing someone else, probably my big green eyed monster coming out of me.

[Drusilla]

Hi hattster! I'm new to the lesbian scene and embarked on my first lesbian relationship only last year. I'm in my mid 30's and a mother of two young girls. I too have found the scene a bit strange for my tastes.
The lesbian scene has a kind of incestuous feel to it with people being very close with all their ex partners and the girls in the group I met, all seem to have slept with one another.
These are not the type of relationships I wanted so I chose not to participate and found a one to one relationship on a lesbian internet site.
I think you have to be true to yourself and not conform to a lifestyle norm. If you're not comfortable with an open relationship, tell him and if he doesn't agree, then you may have to let him go.
To be honest, if I were in your situation I would tell him to seek accomodation in an hotel. Sorry, I'm not more positive.

[woofgang]

tell me to butt out if you like. I am hetero and married. I have friends and acqaintances who are gay men, all of whom are or have been in long term relationships (one lost his partner many years ago). It had honestly never occurred to me that there would be a difference in this respect, particularly with the general rejoicing over the new law allowing gay people a civil marriage.

I think that in any relationship, both parties need to want the same degree of exclusivity which seems to be the problem here, maybe there is a misunderstanding about expectations hattster?

[mullein3]

i am not gay but i find his behaviour is selfish..just reading it makes my blood boil..just because you are gay doesnt mean you have to expect any less in a relationship..tell him to stay where he is and find someone who wants a genuine relationship...dont leave yourself wide open to being hurt by his behaviour..are you paying for his visit?? if so then he is using you as a free holiday to enjoy himself..i am sure you are worth a lot better than this..long distance relationships are tricky maybe you should try to meet someone here that has love and respect for you..whether you are gay or not you deserve to be treated decently..i wish you the best of luck and hope you meet someone with more commitment..

[jgs]

If you want a monogamous relationship and your partner doesn't, this is bound to lead ultimately to heartbreak. I also think he may be taking advantage of your good nature and love for him.

You're most certainly not being selfish, if anything he is being manipulative.

If he insists on 'playing around' then move on for your own sake.

[country_boy]

I've got a tenner saying he's doing all that while in Thailand - he is being selfish, not you. How can you trust someone in a long distance relationship who wants to fool around when he is visiting you? Don't put up with it, he's taking the p1ss and doesn't seem to care much about your feelings.

[hattster]

I'd just like ot say "wow" thanks for replying and for all your advice. I didn''t know that there would be so many caring people out there. I think that all of you have made excellent points and alot of them i will take on board. It is going to be hard trying to make a long term relationship work...but i at least have to try, i do really love him. Maybe my generosity is being over worked by him i don't know, u now how they say love is blind well maybe i just don't see it?

I only want a one to one relationship, he knows that. I will probably move to Thailand to be with him, thats if everyrthing works out ok. All i ever wanted was ot love someone and for them to love me back, surely its not a lot to ask....is it?

I have told him that i am totally against him messing around with other guys, he tells me that he won't do it and i believe him...but, it will always be in the back of his mind, and mine also.

I need to take everyones advise on board, sit down and have a really long and hard look at what is happening and if it means that i have to hurt myself short term and end the relationship, then i will have to.

Life can be cruel can't it :o(

[coyn]

I dont mean to be unfeeling hattster but you HAVE to dump this turd, are you going to put up with this for the rest of your life?

Ditch the bitch

[hattster]

I agree Coyn, i wish i could but it ain't that easy, i love the guy, stupid i maybe but i love hi. I will work it out thanks for the reply :o)

[Peter Pedant]

He's on the game, hattster

Give him the boot

(You cant make him pay his own way back to T., can you ? )

[mullein3]

take no notice of the negative posts..at the end of the day its your choice you have one life and you must live it as you see fit..if you make mistakes its a learning process..everything happens for a reason..maybe he will come here and flirt and whatever maybe it will wake you up and then you will have clarity on his behaviour..maybe you need to get hurt to break away and move on!! who knows..I think he is very selfish but that may be because he knows he can get away with it...i hope you dont get hurt as i am sure you deserve better..i would have words with him before he gets here tell him what you expect and also tell him if he breaks your expectations then he can sling his hook...

[coyn]

I dont mean to be uncompassionate In a pickle, I mean to be realistic, if your partner TELLS YOU that they are going to be giving everyone else the eye everywhere they go what are you supposed to think?

I've been married since the Beatles were the top band on planet earth but if my wife had said to me what hattsters other half has said I would have kicked her out at day one.

The operative word being "kicked"

Whores whether male or female are just that, dont waste your life on them.

Sorry to be blunt but I'm a Yorkshire man.

[hattster]

Coyn, I'm a lancastrian and i can see were you are coming from. I've made my decision and he will not be coming to the UK, well not with me funding him anyway. Thanks for all your advice and help....cheers.

[woofgang]

hattster, if it helps at all I think that you have done the thing which is likely to cause you the least pain. I hope that this Christmas, or soon anyway, you meet the person who is out there for you. I am sure that we all wish you well.

[hattster]

Thanks everyone for you comments, much appreciated. Not looking for anyone yet but when i do i think it will be best if they are from the UK.....much easier!!!

once again cheers and i hope you all have a great christmas...x

[supanova]

You're being taken for a ride! And I dare not to think about what and who your boyfriend has been riding...

Sorry, I don't mean to be insensitive but where is your pride? The guy is telling you that he wants to get off with other guys. Don't be a doormat. Show him the door!

Good gay relationships should be no different to good straight ones. This guy is not worthy of your affections. You deserve better. Dump him!

You'll soon meet someone else worth investing in.

Goodluck :o)