Long Post- Need Advice

[Banana2]

r/advice- reddit.

I’m very depressed and cannot get myself to study at all. Rn the course I am on is probably barely salvagable but possibly could happen with a few resist over summer but I just want to give up.

Lost all my friends in uni because I am in a very toxic relationship (both ways), even my friend since 3 yrs old helped me out by hanging out with me and listening to my story of what happened and my friend later ditched me because i got back with the bf after a month over xas at parents house away from him because my parents house was unbelievable ( mum is very emotionally not ok with me for example I told her my bf would go behind my back and tell my friends bad thungs about me one example is a friend revealed it to me that my bf was saying “you don’t want to be friends with her, she is an alcoholic” - while he drinks way more and encourages me to. And then at my parents house I tell mum I want to stop drinking and she just says oh so your bf was right, you are just a pathetic alcoholic. And she always yells at me, tells me how *** I am, very stupid etc( all my life, have had 3 sessions with a therapist talking about this). Just very controlling, she does demonstrate a lot of qualities of an engulfing narcissistic mum). So when I came back all alone ( fizzled out with friends over parents house area so didn’t meet anyone other then visiting family over xmas) i was very depressed and wanted very badly to have company and some love and my bf was depressed without me and very nice suddenly to me so i hung out with him etc and then we got bcak together very quickly. My friend from 3 yrs old stopped hanging out with me completely after he found out (to be fair I did hide the fact from my friend because was scared he would not want to be friends m, ***).
So everyday I am alone now also in my flat (bf is very controlling and manipulative imo over seeing people cause he gets angry when I do go out or when I text people without telling him even “shared friends”) so being alone and literally now only having him and don’t even call my mum at all because it stresses me so much. I also no money at all - literally . I have currently 0 pounds in bank and because of not wanting to ask money from parents (thery offer food deliveries but my mum would question me and mock me and awkward picking up the food and get her nose in my life again) I am with bf partly because of money and he is really great in paying for food etc. I do have some slight friends that are great but because I never hangout with them, I am not close with them). But i am extremely depressed, uni is unsalavagable (possible a pass is scrapable) becuase cannot bring myself to study and missed evey lecture this year, etc. I really want to just get a job, live in uni accommodation for a bit, pay some money continuously to my bf (for food money i owe) and then move out of the student accomodation to live nearby then with a deferred year or something, go do second year at uni again. Would mean I can have me time - wont be juggling back and forth between emotionally taxing relationships - narc mum and toxic relationship with bf and also no longer surrounded by ex friends who ignore me rightfully so (continue going back to the relationship after everyone advises me again and again not to).
So what do you suggest I do? Struggle to pass (while I am super low mood and can barely bring myself to face studying) or do the job and move out?
Thank you for the advice im advance and also sorry for the long post.


Ps- bf stuff: had to call the police on him a few times, hitting me and me him back, he pins me down physically a lot and I don’t do anything back but sometimes retaliate and fight gets worse and so that is how it gets two sided( in the 1st uni year he used to just hit walls next to my head but i cannot believe now it is somtimes me and sometimes him, he loves pinning me down shouting horrible thing in my ear such as you are narc like your mum.

[carrot99]

Does your university have a student services centre where you could get counselling and financial advice? You know you need to leave your boyfriend regardless of whatever you decide to do.

You have some friends that you could spend more time with and who will support you if you keep away from your aggressive boyfriend.

If you don't want to live with your mum while you work and defer your course, you need to get your studies back on track so that you can continue to live in student accommodation. You can study and work part-time so that you can pay your bf off. Whatever you do you must leave him before you get injured.

[dannyk13]

Good advice from Carrot, if I were you I would do exactly as he advises.