Advice needed re: leaving family home

[neathgirl]

my friend has just recently (last night) left her husband of 12 years whom she has 2 children aged 7 and 10 with.

She is currently staying at a friends house and has no intention on patching things up with her husband or making a go of it. in practical terms can someone please tell me what she needs to do? is it best to see a solicitor straight away?

she hasnt taken the kids with her as she doesnt want to make things traumatic for them and u[pset their routine more than necessary.

[tigerthecat]

get back and consult a solicitor tomorrow. Best to contact the local womens refuge and ask which local solicitor they use.

[goldilocks12]

iour friend should go home to the children, and then go and see a solicitor, the children will miss her. she should talk to her husband and tell him she want's a devorce, and try and do things between them, so the children don t suffer too much. after all its not there fault and they love each parent the same.

try and work it out as adults, although its never an easy thing to go through, if they think of the children, they should be the ones not to suffer. The will get through this.

[Carakeel]

Your friend needs to go back home to her children asap. Otherwise the courts will interpret her as having left the children. They will be missing her and will not understand why she has walked out and left them. And yes, she also needs to see a solicitor asap. Is there really no way she can have a go at repairing her relationship with her husband? It is always worth the effort to try and save a marriage and if this is not possible, at least try to remain civil and on friendly terms, for the children's sake if not for the parents'. Does she seriously think that leaving her children is less traumatic than taking them with her??? Is she willing to let them think she has abandoned them? What ever issues the parents have, concerns for the children MUST come first!!! They did not ask for this situation, nor do thay have any say in or control over what the two parents are doing to their lives. To me, as a mother, I feel she should not have left her chldren. If she left because she felt threatened, then she should have taken her children with her and not left them to deal with her husband's reactions to her leaving, on their own. To me, apart from being selfish, this is highly unfair to the children. Sorry to sound harsh, but been there - and did the right thing under the circumstances, left WITH my kids!

[Bevron]

To be fair Carakeel, I think she didnt take the children initially because she was considering the welfare of the children ie, not wishing to disrupt or upset them in the immediate future. This approach may alsdo have been carried out to try and keep the upcoming split as amicable as possible which is the right way to go. However, neathgirl needs to consult a solicitor and get back to her children as soon as possible although for a court to have considered you as abandoning your children you really have to be away from them for a matter of weeks, months rather than days. They take into consideration mitigating circumstances such as wishing to take a few days to consider options/feelings and not wishing to disrupt the children before absolutelhy necessary.

[Bevron]

and nothing will get this split more hostile and put the back of your husband up more than taking the attitude that i gotta get away as far as possible with my kids. There is no mention of abuse in which case this would be the right way to go. The welfare of the children must come first which means that if you can sort this hard period out as adult like as possible with the children as a first consideration then good for you.

[neathgirl]

thx for all your replies greatly appreciated. just to update and let you know firstly it is not me who has left my husband it is my friend i have never been married. also she has returned to the house and he has moved out, the main reason why she wouldnt go back there on monday night was cos in the past he has been violent to her (never the children) and she was very scared. she has consulted a solicitor and at the moment her and her husband are spending time at the house separately. she has stayed for 3 days he stayed for 1. its quite a complicated situation as there are a great deal of problems. there is however no chance of a reconciliation as my friend has been trying to make things work for the past 5 years. she is also battling with her sexuality and realises being with a man isnt what she wants. many thanks for the advice xxx