18 year old paying "keep"

[hammerman]

My 18 year old step daughter has just moved back with us after a brief spell away to live with her older sister.

She's at college full time and she also works weekends and evenings at the local pub. She has a good social life, smokes like a chimney and is going on holiday to Cyprus in the summer.

We've asked her to contribute a small amout towards food, petrol taking her to work (it's a rural pub but only 1 mile away), phone, internet and all the other luxuries she'll be getting.

She's never lifted a finger at home in the past and to tell you the truth, she can be a complete slob.

We've asked for �15 a week. I don't considder that to be much but she has more disposable income then we ever get. But she's refusing to pay it saying she doesn't have any money and she can't afford it.

I've suggested that she finds somewhere cheaper than our house.

Am i being unreasonable ? Not only will the �15 help out for food etc but it will teach her that there's no such thing as a free meal in this life.

What do you think.

[warpig3]

Can I ask how much she earns from her part time job hammerman?

[B00]

Hiya HMan, hope you're well?

Teens- gotta love 'em eh?

You're right, stick to your guns, infact �15.00 is very very reasonable. give her an ultimatium- she either coughs up or finds somewhere else to live.

Can I ask- did she move back home as living with her sister proved too much of a reality check for her?

[mrs_overall]

I would make a list of what she is actually costing you each week and show it to her. It will probably surprise her.
Did she contribute when she lived with her sister?
If she still refuses to contribute then I would stop doing her washing/ironing/cooking etc, and ban her from using the phone/internet/tv etc)
(My brother had a similar problem with my nephew. He took drastic action by removing the lightbulb in the boys room, and when he went to work he unplugged the phone & took it with him & hid the tv scart lead.)
Teenagers can be so selfish, but they do turn back into human beings eventually.
Good luck.

[ethanryan]

hi, i am 23 and lived at home till i was 20. i used to earn �150 per week at 16 as i didnt go to college. i used to pay my mom �50 per week. my mom had 4 children and was a single parent. i used to think this was so much money and moaned all the time but this included all bills and food phone and my own internet and sky in the bedroom. it wasnt untill i moved out to have my son that i realised how easy i had it. �50 per week dont even cover my rent now never mind any thing else like gas electric water council tax food nappies etc.
maybe you should show her your bills and let her see what money you have to pay out. i never realised how much it cost to run a house untill i had my own
at 18 she is old enough to look after her self so i say tell her she pays up or finds somewhere else to live
what does her day say about it?

[mccfluff]

she should pay rent is unreasonable for her to expect otherwise and if she thinks �15 pw is too steep ask her to live in the real world. I paid rent from 16, when i had a prt time job, i think it was a tenner a week then - i was earning �40-�50

[hammerman]

Hi Boo....did you see my post in the pets section (FAO Boo) ?

Yes we think she did. She's very tight with her money....she won't pay out for a taxi to take her to work if it's lashing it down with rain and we can't take her for example. It's the fact that she smokes and drinks a lot that bloody annoys me.

Hi warpig....she earns approx �70 per week and could do more work if she wanted.

[sympster]

I think you are being completely reasonable. She sounds like she is a bit spoilt and you will be teaching her a valuable life lesson about money and rent. Put your foot down, she will soon pay up when she realises she won't be able to live anywhere else for even half that!

[warpig3]

�15 is very reasonable if she is earning �70 per week.

Have a look at this hammerman, you are not alone by all accounts!

http://www.theanswerbank.co.uk/How-it-Works/Qu estion514571.html

[skyep]

Hi hammerman - Yes, you are being very reasonable. Get her to cough up! xxx

[B00]

Ooooer, no I didn't- is it pervy? If not why not? LOL

I'm kidding, will go look now :-)

[banjobabe]

Hey Hammerman,

I'm sure you have realised by now that everyone will agree with you and I am no exception!

As soon as I started work I paid one third of my earnings to my parents. My Mum always said a third for rent a third for me and a third for savings. Suprisingly I spent two thirds and never saved.

At the moment you are doing your daughter no favours, eventually she will have to pay her way and it will be one hell of a shock!

Hope it all goes well.

Light the touch paper and stand well back!!!

BB xx

[beanebabe]

When I was still living at home my parents MADE me give them a quarter of my earnings for rent etc. When I finally moved out and set-up home with my then boyfriend they gave back all the money because they had saved it for me (I never knew - aahh). How much had I saved? Zero, zilch, not a penny!

[joannie10]

my mum took a considerable amount of money from my brother and sister when they started working. By the time I was working I was the only one living at home and kinda got away with it cause was working shifts and rarely ate in the house. I have to say up until recently (which is a lot of years later) I have been terrible with money and my brother and sister learned to budget from an early age. I definately think it would have been a good thing if my parents had been firmer and made me pay. I try to make up for it now (not been living at home for years) but regularly cook for them, take them for meals etc (just my guilt!)

[meglet]

God, this brings back horrible memories for me. My mum and dad made me pay �100 per month keep from the day I turned 18 (and this was 15 years ago). When I told them I couldn't afford it they told me to get off my bum and get a proper job (I was working part time in a shoe shop at the time). I got into arrears and it all ended with a huge upsetting showdown between us. They agreed to forget about the arrears and I was so grateful I did get off my bum and sort my life out. I turned out alright and I now have a highly paid job.

The upshot of this is that you have to be cruel to be kind sometimes. She'll thank you for it in the end.

[hammerman]

Thanks for all your answers.

Meglet....i don't really think it's even being cruel (although i know where you're coming from)....it's not a lot to ask for really.

I've since found out that she's just agreed to go on holiday to Cyprus with her friends and she's having to pay �50 a week for that to her friend that she's going with. Whilst i don't begrudge her that, i'm having a weeks camping in a muddy field in the New Forest.

Getting through to this kid is painful....very very painful and half the time, my wife won't back me up.

Anyone got a spare room SO I CAN MOVE IN !!! ;o)

[warpig3]

LOL hammerman, I have a spare room but I would have to charge you more than �15 a week. Maybe you could decamp to the tent permanently or better still move the daughter in there!

Good luck.

[figure]

HMan - I think she's getting of easy. You should raise it to at least �25 per week. Or try Mrs_overall suggestion.

[*Princess*]

�15 is very reasonable! When I got my first job my parents asked for �20 a week, which included everything!

I think it'll teach her a bit of responsibility and show her how to mange her money, like you'll have to budget if she is going on holiday, or get more hours, but it's a lesson we all learn at some point!

[Whoever]

Hammerman - I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Your stepdaughter is legally an adult now and she is earning. She needs to understand that living doesn't come free, even for families. Stop driving her to the pub. Tell your wife to stop doing her laundry, and stop her using the phone and the internet. Give her one week's notice that this is going to happen and that from then on you expect her to be paying �x towards her keep (and if she's earning nights and week-ends I think �15 is on the light side) or she can move out. And start accumulating some large cardboard boxes to put in her room so that she can get her things packed. . If she doesn't get to the point where she can learn to budget and account for the money she earns, sooner or later she will end up in terrible debt because she thinks the world owes her a living. But you shouldn't have to take all the responsibility for this. She's your wife's daughter and she must back you up. And don't let your stepdaughter start causing trouble between you.

[amonty1144]

Hi Hammerman,
Step kids are a great pain in the butt and a source of grief in many a household. My stepdaughter was an absolute pain, dod nothing, made the house smelly, never contributed. I moaned and moaned and got no-where, finally one day the rose tinted specs fell from my hubbies eyes and after a blazing row she left. We had to then bail her out and she moved back in but no change.....so she left again.
Unfortunately, all the talks about how much it costs in the real world, working hard, getting a job and an education fell on deaf ears. She now lives the life of Riley with a millionaires son and doesn't lift a finger...Just in those dark times, when it's pay a bill or eat, I wonder who got it right.

You are totally right, she should pay her way but don't let it spoil the life that you and your wife have, it really isn't worth it.