Power of Attorney

[Tia Maria xx]

My mum has recently moved into a residential care home and is getting rather forgetful. I was mums main carer before she moved, I have Enduring Power of Attorney (it is registered) so can make financial decisions, and am an executor of her will. I am the youngest of 5, my eldest sister is causing arguments and is upsetting everyone. She says as the eldest she is next of kin, that i can make no decisions - I cannot quite see what 'decisions' she thinks I have 'no right to make', - from now on I will handle mums financial affairs, continue to visit her while the home 'cares' for her. my 3 other siblings are happy with the way I have always looked after mum . Is my eldest sister next of kin? does she have rights? if so what?

[taichiperson]

I don't know for certain, but would have thought that siblings are equal in the 'next of kin' stakes. It is very responsible of you to take on Power of Attourney - would your sister have taken the responsibility if it was offered to her?

[Tia Maria xx]

Both my parents were adamant that she would NOT have that kind of power over their affairs or access to their private business. They set it up 15 years ago after careful consultation with all of us. Unfortunately Dad died 8 years ago and mum can no longer remember the reasons why my eldest sister was not chosen, I have no wish to upset mum and her short term memory is almost nil so she is not retaining day to day info/routine never mind why 'the children are bickering'

[Misky]

Banks and any other organisation needing a signature to confirm anything on behalf of your mother will only accept yours - your sister will come up against a wall with any of them. Make sure all relevant people have seen the Power (the Bank, Post Office, the Home). It's a shame when this happens in families, but you are the only person appointed by your mother and it's a case of "lump it" for your sister. That won't ease the upset, but you definately have right on your side. Good luck.

[taichiperson]

In the end, you are the person with the piece of paper - I can't see anyone being able to dispute this. We had PoA for my father in law, but that was quite a while ago and things have changed recently. The rest of the family were quite happy for us to see to matters, though it took a long time to find out who was executor of the will - his son, or son-in-law, who was a banker. It's good that you have that arranged too.
I'm sorry I can't give you any better information, and hope your sister doesn't make things difficult for you.

[Tia Maria xx]

Thanks
I just hate that my sister is trying to poison mum's last years when she should be able live her life without worry and upset. I'm doing my best to keep it away from mum.
I do have that bit of paper as you say and I will do what's best for mum. I am sure I haven't heard the last of it from my sister as I hear she is writing to the home etc stating she is next of kin.

[Misky]

Just make sure the staff at the Home who may receive the letter have seen your Power of Attorney. I do think you are all equally "next of kin" but that doesn't mean anything while you have the PoA. I hope you find a way to talk to your sister, or that someone explains the position to her in words she can understand.

[Tia Maria xx]

An added question
If my sister took mum out of the home (for something like a shopping trip) but got her to write a new will, would it be valid? would I as Enduring Power of Attorney need to know? Does a will come under 'financial decisions'? Could she could take mum to any solicitor and then produce a new will excluding us after mums death?
Oh and I'm not talking big money here but at the moment it is to be divided between all five of us

[theonlyone]

I don't think a solictor would write a new will if
your Mum has dementia as she has to be
of "sound mind " to do it ...i'm a carer and made sure that his will was done before he got to bad
as people crawl out the woodwork if there
is money involved ...good luck ..hope you
get it sorted ...

[themas]

1. There is no legal definition of next of kin. It is usually taken to be a member of the family. When your mother went into the home they should have asked, for their records, who the next of kin was. This question is usually asked of the person concerned, but if your mother was mentally incompetent when she wnet into the home then you - as the person who arranged for her to go there - should have been asked. If this was not done, then make sure the home records you as the person aith P of A, & as next of kin. If necessary, explain the problem with your sister to them.

A person who is mentally incompetent cannot make a valid will. If this was done, then you would (after your mother's death) have to dispute any such will using as evidence the registered P of A - which will be dated some time before the will.

[Tia Maria xx]

Thanks I think I'll have to grow a thicker skin because my sister is not finished yet.

I do have law on my side and Mum's best interests at heart

[themas]

From what you say, it seems you don't have just the law on your side - you also have right on your side. So don't be badgered, bullied or pressurised into giving way.

[Tia Maria xx]

Thank you everyone, I feel happier and therefore more confident that my sister has no grounds to make trouble.

[Tia Maria xx]

Just an update
Unfortunately mum died a couple of days ago, I am devestated, my sister is saying i "must account for everything" oh the funeral will be fun!