under age sex

[merna]

i have just found out that my 14yr old daughter has had sex with a 18yr old man,although she consented to this i cant help being angry that a 18yr old adult has had sex with her,where do i stand with the law

[B00]

He probably just wanted sex- full stop!

You really can't blame a lad of 18, who's no doubt tanked up with alcohol as well, wanting sex with a girl who happens to be with him and also off her face with booze- he probably couldn't believe his luck!!!

As a mum myself, I understand your concerns, anger etc but I'd really tread very carefully if I were you. If you go in all guns blazing, you'll alieniate your daughter, and she'll feel that she can never trust you with anything ever again (was it her who told you?)

If she's not on the pill I'd seriously think about making sure she soon is.

As horrified as you no doubt are, my advise is to talk ot your daughter ,but let it go eventually, believe me you'll be the one who suffers if you dont.

[Beanmistriss]

Because he's an 18 year old boy! I'm not saying it's right, its clearly not. But what, ay 14, was your daughter doing drinking so much that she was able to be persuaded into having sex with someone? Even if she had a drink in she still consented to have sex (i'm assuming she wasn't passed out with the drink as she knows she consented). It's lovely to think that all 14year old girls are sweet and innocent but they're not. I understand you must be angry, and he was totally wrong. But your daughter must, in my opinion, share some of the responsibility for what they did. Going to the police may mean that he has a crimimnal record and is on the sex offenders register for doing something your daughter was a willing participant in. Doesn't seem that fair to me. Remember the facts you get from her will be what she wants you to hear and maybe what she thinks you want to hear. Maybe you would be best to concentrate your efforts in working with your daughter about the dangers of excess alcohol and educating her about safe sex.

[ChocolatChip]

Sorry merna, I got the wrong end of the stick a bit.
Although I still stand by what I say, and agree with BOO. You cannot completely blame this 18 year old as your daughter did have something to do with the consent for sex. And why was she out drinking alcohol? Aren't you angry about this as well?
Have you spoken to your daughter about how she feels about procecuting.
Yes, I'm sure you're angry, but it happens, every single day.
As long as your daughter was willing, I would just teach her about safe sex. As whatever you do, she will have sex whenever. without your permission.
Unfortunately. teenagers aren't like they used to be.

[mrs_overall]

Unless your daughter is willing to give a complainants statement to the police, there isn't a cat in hells chance of the man being prosecuted.

[joggerjayne]

Your daughter didn't "consent" because she is below "the age of consent" ... ie she is too young to consent to the act.

[jake-the-peg]

You might be interested in these guidelines to the CPS in determining whether such prosecutions are in the public interest.

http://www.cps.gov.uk/legal/section7/chapter_d .html

Which look good for a chance of prosecution in this case.

However they also have to think that there's a reasonable chance of sucess and if they think that she's only interested in a prosecution because you're pushing her they might think it's all likely to fall apart

[Abdulmajid]

Joggerjayne, I am so glad you read my answers before you posted that.

And do I not like the star system. One star for the odd one and none for the rest. Pffffttttt.

Why do I bother?

And by the way I was working with a right wing think tank when the SOA 2003 was proposed (I have said this before on here, so no saying I am Bullsh!tting)

Do I get any thanks for the one thing on AB I am an expert at????

[bednobs]

i think the situation with the law has been comprehensively covered. i agree with those who have said drunken consent is still consent. Your daughter chose to put herself in that position, ans tbh, i think you should be worried more that at 14 you are letting her get drunk and get off with random blokes

[hannah1984]

hello, obviously i dont know all of the situation but the questions i would ask would be....are they a couple? how long have they been together? did they use protection? and was it in a safe place? i am only 24 and i lost my daughter 7 yrs ago but i do have a 4 yr old son. the way i see it is....if they are going to do it wouldnt you rather it be in a safe place as in your home and know she is protected than out on the streets which is where she would be doing it if you was mad and she felt like she didnt have your full support. i know it is a difficult situation and i have never been there myself (except when i was young). i hope this helps alittle. hannah

[merna]

Well thats just the reason why the world is the way it is when alot of the replies on here are what they are.SHE IS 14 YEARS OLD AND IS STILL A CHILD.i do not allow her to go out drinkiing and picking up blokes she was at her boyfriends house through the day,on a weekend and sorry for assuming that all parents think the same as me in that hes parents maybe should be around to supervise,but obviously not,yet judging by the replies on here theres not that many responsible parents about anymore or responsible adults.so your all basically saying that its ok for adults to have sex with children........... great people on here.NOT!

[beanebabe]

How grown up is the average 18 year old lad. Not very, they only have one thing on their mind and unfortunately make the most of every opportunity that passes their way. If your daughter consented I think she needs teaching the error of her ways (including the drinking - next time she's drunk she may not consent to having sex). You should also think very hard about potentially ruining this boys life and having him sent to jail and put on the sex offenders register.

[Ethel]

merna - I understand your distress and it is clearly wrong that 14 year olds have sex.

However, many of us are realistic. You can report him to the police and press charges, but you will be putting your daughter in the witness box and that is not a pleasant place to be, especially in respect of sexual offences.
Here a man was sent to prison
http://www.thestar.co.uk/news/Man-jailed-after -having-sex3812719.jp

Here a man escaped prison because the 11 year old girl was willing:
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-564847 /Paedophile-escapes-jail-abusing-girl-11-judge -says-welcomed-sex.html

I really don't know if I would want to put my daughter through all that.

How your daughter fares from this is down to you. Hopefully she will learn from it, learn to respect herself and her body and have the confidence to say 'no' in the future.

If you believe this has 'ruined her life' it may well do.

You have the perfect opportunity now for proper talk - to make her aware she is responsible for herself; that some (not all) boys and grown men will want to take advantage and it is up to her to stop them.

You can make sure she is loved and knows she is loved, and that she can talk to you about anything and everything.

I wish you well.

[merna]

it is also important that adults know the difference between children and adults.sorry ethel but if i agree with u it means i will go against all my morals as a parent and to be honest as i said earlier its because of people like yourself the world is the way it is.my daughter is 14 yeah and sometimes she likes to think she is older like im sure many teenagers do,but the moral of this storie is she isnt she is just a child and is unable to think like a adult would in the correct way,and its up to us as adults to make sure and do not agree with things like this happening cos pedophiles will have a bloody field day ..

[Lizzzy]

If it happened at your daughter's boyfriends house, where on earth was HE while his girlfriend was getting drunk and having sex with his brother...???

[merna]

well im sure her 15yr old boyfriend would probably think he had no need to worry about his big 18 yr old brother coming onto his 14yr old girlfriend.

[merna]

thankyou joggerjayne.someone with the correct morals,is just me or is the world going mad

[ChocolatChip]

why on earth would your daughter sleep with her boyfriends brother in the first place?
Drunk or not, I would know the difference of right and wrong.

[Abdulmajid]

Merna, paedophiles do not prey on drunk 14 year old girls, teenage boys do. There is a world of difference.

You have been given sound advice from different angels, bith legal and moral.

It is up to you to do what you want with it.

Option 1)

Do nothing and form a more open relationship with your daughter and hope/beg she does not have sex again until she is 16.

Option 2) Go to the police alone. Nothing will happen but it will be logged.

Option 3) Go to the police with your daughter with a big chance nothing will happen. Social Services will be involved as you CAN NOT be her appropriate adult. She will have to relay everything from kissing, oral sex to whether or not he ejaculated in her, over her etc. And I mean absolutely everything. If followed through this will all come out in court. Because of her age and it being sexual she will more than likely be videoed. However, the defence council will dig and dig and dig and dig, behind a screen asking absolutely EVERYTHING about her and what they did.

Option 4)

Break the guys legs and issue a stern warning that if he touches your girl again you will throw acid on his genitals.

My advice, let it lie and have a good heart to heart with your little girl.

I am in no way saying she is a sIut, but 14 year olds are not like they were when we were that young.

Face the facts, be sad, be angry. But let it lie.

[ChocolatChip]

Once again I agree with everything Abdulmajid and beanebabe.
He is not a paedophile, he is a teenage boy, full of hormones, just like your daughter.
How do you think your daughter will feel, standing in front of a courtroom and having to tell her mother everything that happened. Knowing in what ways you obviously react.
I think you need to sit down with your daughter and have a chat with her, ask her if he forced her, did he hurt her.... things like this. Before you start ruining younger peoples lives.

[Lizzzy]

I have to agree with Abdul. I would also say that a bit more parental awareness wouldn't go amiss. It's all very well to excuse it by pleading ignorance and saying that you 'assumed' there would be supervision at the boyfriend's house, but if a 14 year old girl can get drunk and consent to sex with an 18 year old when her 15 year old boyfriend is...well, heaven knows where at the time, perhaps it's time to pay a little more attention to exactly where your daughter is going, who will be there etc Merna, especially as you've emphasised to us many times in this thread that "SHE IS 14 YEARS OLD AND IS STILL A CHILD"!