Giving Up Parental Rights....

[jewel87]

My Boyfriend has a 2 year old son with his ex and she is giving up her rights to be his mother. My boyfriend leaves to Iraq next month and he wants to give me full custody how does that work?

[voltr4m4x]

Have the Grandparents on either side of the relationship been consulted ? If not, then they should be, since they have rights under the law.

[B00]

Do they?

Whilst i agree the grandparents should be consulted I was under the impression that they didn't have any rights with regards to grandchildren.

Incidently, I know this is not what your post is about or asking, but how can any mother want to give up her own child??

[Ethel]

Grandparents have no automatic rights in UK law unless the courts grant it - and they only do that if it is in the best interests of the child.

Parental rights and custody are dealt with by family court- go to the Citizens' Advice Bureau as soon as possible or better still see a solicitor.

[jewel87]

I dont know if her parents know. His do and think that i should have custody. I dont know y she dont want him. All I know is she is pregant by her boyfriend and told my boyfriend she dont want him. I think Im not getting the whole story.

[Ethel]

Children shouldn't be passed from pillar to post - you'd be in a better position if you were married to the father and he wasn't going abroad.
As it is, there is not much to persuade the court that you're in a stable relationship and you have no connection with the child whatsoever.

The court will decide what is best for the child and it may not be what the mother, the father or you wants.

[redcrx]

Are you prepared to go along with this? What if the mother is suffering from antenatal depression and has said this as she needs help coping? What if you took on the child and cant cope alone when your partner goes off to Iraq?

Seak legal advice

[pink-kittens]

Hi Red *waves*

I foresee many many problems if this arrangement were to go through
How long have you been with your boyfy? Under 2 years I suspect and you have no idea what you are letting yourself in for your taking on a 2 year old boy who is apparently not wanted by either his mum nor his paternal grandparents
Consult a solicitor in the first instance but you really have no idea what all this will entail

[jewel87]

I been with my bf for a yr. He didn't know he had a son. His gf cheating on him and said she was pregnant but it wasn't his. Til last mth when her bf left her then it was his. No I dont know what i might be taking on. I work nights and go to school during the days so i really dont have time for a kid right now but my bf seems to really want me to have him. I really dont know what to do. With him going to Iraq is goona be hard on me and to take care of a child like he is mine while his dad is gone is going by hard.

[Ethel]

How old are you? Are you in the UK?

Has he had a DNA test to prove paternity.

If you are in the UK the court will almost certainly not give you or your boyfriend full custody - the child doesn't know either of you; one year does not make a stable and permanent home, especially when he is going overseas; you have no relationship with this child.

[pink-kittens]

Jewel

You sound quite young, I urge to to say no. There is no way your boyfy should even have asked you to do this for him IMO, especially as your relationship with him is so young

For a child to be left with a man he has only known for a month (am I right in thinking he has not seen this child because he was unaware he existed?), is both cruel and unfair on the child. The poor thing doesn't know either of you, and this would be totally unfiar on both him and you.

I implore you to talk to your boyfy about this and tell him you are not willing to do this. Maybe you are scared of him dumping you if you say no? If this is the case then he cares not for you.

To consider taking on a child when he is about to leave the country, is also unfair on the child and you and I think he has a damned cheek TBH.

I talk from experience like I said, of taking on 3 children as my own - I would NEVER, EVER do it again.

It will be the singularly most difficult thing you will ever do in your life. Not only will you be at school and work - and one of those will suffer, I guarantee that, you will have to arrange visits with mum, nursery, childcare and everything else - all without support form his dad because he will be 100's of miles away.

Can you speak to your mum about this? I think she may well advise you not to do it as well.

I wish you all the luck in the world, but you should seriously, seriously re-consider

[jewel87]

Im 21. The lil boy has been staying with us for 2 wks already. He calls me mommy and seems not to want me to leave his side. I live in maryland. Im gonna try talking to him when i get home

[Ethel]

As you are in the US the laws may be very different.

This is a UK site, so you are unlikely to receive relevant answers relating to the legal issues.

However, everything else is spot on.

This child is not your responsibility, should not be your responsibility and your boyfriend is very wrong to ask you to do this.

Send the child back to his mother.

[pink-kittens]

OMG!
This is so sad Jewel, And 21 is very young for you to take on such a big responsibility.
However, the child is with you now? Gosh, what a predicament to find your self in. How does he seem? Is he sleeping well? Eating OK?

As Ethel, get some advice in the US and quickly - maybe the services can help you?

Again, I wish you luck - let us know how you get on please :)

[redcrx]

this little lad is calling you mum after just 2 weeks. OMG the poor boy, he must be very very confused at the moment.
speak to social services asap and get help for both the little lad and his real mum. If she really does want to give the child up and the chance of a better home then it needs to be done properly and for the father to leave the country when his young son is in such turmoil seems ridiculous. See if there is any way you boyfriend can take the responsibility and stay in the USA whilst all this is being sorted out.

[jewel87]

I just moved here from the uk so i dont know the laws here. I really just want to go back to the uk. I really dont know how to take care of a 2 yr old. He seems ok he eats good when im home he plays or sleeps. For him to call me mom is hard for me to say no.

[redcrx]

if you want to return to the UK then do so. Make your boyfriend stand up to his responsibilties and look after his child! Its not your place to and its not at all fair on the child to be passed from pillar to post.

[pink-kittens]

Eating and sleeping OK are good signs he is happy at least and you should feel proud of what you have done so far

But, this is a massive thing to take on and I get the feeling you want and need your family for support inc your parents.

I know it's not as easy as just telling him no, it never is when we have said yes, but truly this man doesn't know just how much he is asking of you and that he has no right to ask it of you. I understand how hard it must be for you. We can form a bin d with a child in a heartbeat but this child is not your responsibility no matter how you look at it

Book your flight home and tell him you are leaving. Leave a note if you feel you cannot face him. Leave without a back ward glance and come home Jewel