advice please

[foxyroxy141]

split up with my soon to be ex husband after a nasty incidenct of domestic violence last dec and don't really know how to go about life after this....have got a decent job,lovely daughter, fantastic friends and family but haven't really come to terms with what happened. have been referred to counsellor but will take time to be seen apparently. i did report the incident to the police but i ended up being too scared to press charges so he got let off with a caution, however looking back i wish i had pressed charges coz he actually tried to kill me i was just too scared to tell the police how serious the incident actually was. he has left me several thousand pounds in debt as i now have to rent a house for me and my daughter and he has kept the entire contents of house and refuses to give us our personal possesions back. my solicitor has written to him but letters have gone unanswered. the divorce is being dealt with obviously via solicitors but how do deal with his pettiness and the return of our possessions? it is his daughter also, and i cannot understand why anyone would want to withhold a little girls toys etc from her because of what has happened between us. any advice appreciated x

[Velvetee]

I'm sorry to hear about all your problems, it can't be easy. I think all you can do is allow your solicitor to deal with getting your possessions back, but it sounds like your husband is bitter and just wants to behave in a vindictive manner so you will suffer, there is little you can do about that.

At the end of the day, you escaped with your life and you and your daughter are physically well. Possessions can always be replaced, so perhaps by rebuilding everything you have, will help you to come to terms with what has happened and help you to move on.

As long as your daughter has a supportive, loving home with you, toys don't really matter. I'm sure you, your friends and family will enjoy seeing her face light up this Christmas when she opens her new toys.

Good luck, hope it all goes well.

[lil123]

Hi
I was in a similar situation to you. 2 years ago I left my ex husband with my little boy, the clothes we had on and my car.
To cut a long and painful story short, we went to live in a women's refuge for 10mths.
I never got anything back out of my house or any of my little boy's things.
When our family home was sold I got �16K that I used to start again with when I eventually got a house to rent.
2 years on I have a lovely house which I rent, a nice car again. New friends, a better relationship with my family and most important MY LIFE!!
He tried to kill me also.
Now all the things I left behind mean nothing and in a way I'm glad I did as I have nothing to remind me of him.
They can all be replaced but you and your daughter can not.
You have so much support around you which is very lucky as a lot of women going through this haven't.
Counseling is a great help. I had this to help me when I am ready to start a new relationship again as the one's I've had so far have not been right.
You will look back on all this believe me and know it was the best thing you ever did.
I wish you all the best xxx

[ddaisy992]

i agree with the replys. Let him keep the toys etc, you need too get ths man out of your life, its beter for you and your daughter too be safe. Id suggest that you get babk in touch with the police who might be able to direct you or just give advice. Finally, contact womens aid they are very good. Good luck

[lil123]

Yes, I agree, Womens's aid are fantastic. If it wasn't for them I would be dead now.
They can also support you with all the legal stuff and put you in touch with a good solicitor.
Remember it's your life now for you and your daughter.

[VICTIMS]

Check out this website,
http://www.refuge.org.uk/page
Article called, You can afford to leave.

[CAJ1]

As scared as you may be, you have done the right thing in leaving him and from now on your life can only get better. If you need belongings from the house, phone the police and say that you need to go there and collect your belongings but are too scared to go by yourself. The police forced my ex to hand over everything of mine as it wasn't his. Your ex is probably doing it to try and grab at the last bit of power he can have over you hoping you will go back. Write to anyone that you owe debt to and try to agree on an affordable repayment (Citizens Advice are good at helping with this). As others have said Womens Aid are fantastic, very understanding and supportive. Everyone has different recovery times when they manage to come through an experience such as this, I was financially, physically and mentally abused and two years on I am finally finding my feet again. I've rebuilt my circle of friends and have had great support. I have found that talking to others in similar situations has been the greatest help, although you have great family and friends I'm sure you find it hard to talk about what has happened to them. Don't expect miracles over night but bit by bit you will regain your life and will one day be able to smile because you have got through it and are doing so well. Good luck and if you need to talk about things we're all here to help you! x

[terambulan]

Is his name Tyson or Ali? Go round, with your mates women r best for this get inside the house and duff him in. He'll be too embarrassed to call the police or make a formal complaint.....and if he does, all your mates are witnesses that he attacked first!

Kick him in! He's only a weeeed with only the strength to beat girls!

[foxyroxy141]

Thanks for all your kind words. it's good to hear that others who have been in a similar situation have rebuilt their lives and have found happiness again. thanks for your advice x

[CAJ1]

You'll get back on your feet in no time, best wishes :o)

[bensmum]

Good luck foxyroxy. I was in a similar situation and had to leave the house with a police escort along with 2 children, 3 cats and a dog! Although I lost a lot we ended up renting a little place where we were happy and I'm still here after several years. Possessions can be bought over the years, yours and your daughetr's happiness and safety are what is most important. It takes time but you will get there and look back with pride at your achievements.
XX

[lil123]

girl power !!!!!!

[muppeteer]

Hi Foxy
I havr just started work in a domestic violence unit in Wirral. Its worth finding out if you have one in your area (different to womens aid/conselling). Its a one stop shop for victims of DV. They are like a sign posting service, so the have access to special DV police, social workers & solicitors. They actually have a police woman based there who does go to properties to allow women to collect their belongings. Ours is called Wirral Family Safety Unit. Also would recomend the Freedom Programme which would give you more confidence & help you trust that there are still decent men out there- www.freedomprogramme.co.uk to find one near you. There are also programmes for children to go on to help them make sense of it all (leapfrog programme).
I do agree with the other posts about your life being more important than posessions, but there is so much help out there if you can find it- you are not alone. Well done for being a survivor & recognising you are not finnished!
I really do wish you the best of luck for the future & hope it works well for you.
helen