Harassment by husband

[charlotep]

I have been seperated from my husband since 2005. He has obviously been unable to move on but is continually calling me and threatening to come to my office, making threats against me and once even left a message saying our son had died (as I previously had ignored his phone calls he knew this would make me call him back). Its all getting too much. I saw him yesterday when I saw our children and this ended up in him pushing and shoving me around the road - I really dont know what to do. I dont want to make things worse by aggravating him but I am at the end of my tether.

Thanks in advance for any advice

[pauln90]

Well I think if you allow this situation to continue then things are going to get worse. How long are you prepared to put up with this bullying. The longer you delay taking action the more aggressive his behaviour may become.

Go to the police and report him. The calls and verbal abuse are harassment. Now you say he has pushed and shoved you, this is assault.

I would also advise that you keep a diary of all incidents with this man and record the phone calls if you can and has anyone else witnessed any of this behaviour that could provide corroborative evidence.

Ignoring him wont make him go away, for your own safety and sanity summon up the courage to do what you know is the right thing -report him

[CAJ1]

I had exactly the same problem with my ex (although I wasn't married and didn't have children). If you go to the police station and speak to them they can go and talk to him about harrassment. If you want to take it a step further you can go to court and get a non-molestation order out against him (this is what I did). My ex broke it once and I went straight down to the police station, we ended back up in court and he was told he would face punishment if he did it once more, he hasn't contacted me since (touch wood). Don't let him get you down, I know its hard but its probably what he wants. Good luck x

[CAJ1]

Oh and don't worry about aggravating him, they don't come any worse than my ex and believe me the courts have started to crack down on bullies like him, he'll soon learn if he doesn't abide he'll be the one coming off the worst. Just remember he hasn't thought twice about aggravating you. Womans Aid are also very helpful for advice

[charlotep]

Thank you for replying both of you - it even just makes more sense when you know that this does happen to other people. He did actually assault me back in 2005 (headbutting) but of course stupidly I didnt report him - I believed all the 'I'll change' nonsense - and of course he has changed slightly as I left him! I didnt know that you could take out an order against someone - I think this is something I really need to do - I have had enough and he needs to know that he cant behave like that and think that by saying sorry it makes it ok - thanks everyone - I really do appreciate it

[CAJ1]

Try this link for information on orders: http://www.niwaf.org/Domesticviolence/the_law2 .htm

I know it feels like you're alone and that no one else is going through it but loads of people (men and women) do. It doesn't matter that you didn't report the headbutt. If he texts you or phones make a note of what was said and keep the texts. If he threatens you face to face I would go to the police station and report it so they have a record. My ex phoned and texted me a record 155 times in one weekend after I left him! You do finally get to a stage where you can't take it anymore and snap and you'll not care whether he is aggravated by you doing something about it. You're better off (for your own health) realising you don't need his aggro and dealing with it now. If you need any advice, feel free to ask me I kind of feel like I know most of it from what I went through!

[charlotep]

155 times - thats so awful - I havent had it that bad - usually on a weekend its maybe 3 times a day - but these calls can end up being at least an hour long each time. Thanks for the link - am going to have a look right now.

You sound like you are kind of sorted now so well done (and thanks again for the advice)

[CAJ1]

It doesn't really matter how many times a day, its more the fact he makes you feel harrassed and makes you feel that if you don't answer he'll get angry or lie about something.

2 and a half years on I've more or less turned my life around and my ex was terrible so I'm living proof you can beat even the baddest of people!