Father not keeping contact

[gbgbgb]

I am in the middle of divorce after 3 years separation. We have 3 children under 17 who my husband has never kept regular contact with. When we split he moved in with his girlfriend who had his child. This was a volatile relationship and many times he had turned to me as his only 'friend'. In May this year he moved back to his parents as he said he could no longer take her violence towards him. Also over the 3 years he has become an alcoholic. For the past year he had no contact with our children as I told him not to see them because of the pain and upset his lies and lack of consistency had on them, he sent cards for birthdays etc but had no other contact. When he returned to his parents I arranged, with the childrens agreement, for him to see them. He has only seen them 3 times, each time I have had to arrange this and seems to have gone back to not being bothered about them. I worry that come the divorce he will be allowed contact rights which he will not keep and their pain will start all over again. Would a court take into account his previous lack of commitment?

[dot.haukes]

I think the court would actually ask whether the children want rather than just make an order as they are probably teenagers? and they might not all be of the same opnion and have different choices.

[oldgrape]

unfortunately the court won't my friend had a 7 yr old son when she split from her husband he had beat her in front of her son and wrecked the house and left his ex and son homeless and was telling the son horrible things and overdosed in front of him.
the boy is now 11 and i hate to say it but messed up in the head.
The court said unless he physically harms the child he is entitled to contact

If a man is down as the father on the birth certificate and he walks out of that childs life he can still turn up years later and be aloud contact

[STIDW]

In England & Wales the law is framed so it's the child's right to contact with the parent, not the other way round. The presumption is that if the children live with one parent, seeing and knowing the other is in their best interest unless there are exceptional reasons for no contact. Children need a clear understanding of their parental heritage or what has happened in their lives to develop their self esteem, sense of self and attachments - failure to do so ultimately increases the likelihood of dysfunctional relationships, teenage pregnancy, emotional ill-health, etc.

However, one of the factors the court needs to consider when making an ordering in children cases is the wishes and feelings of children, with their views been taken into account depending on their level of understanding and maturity. Most children's views will carry weight by the time they are 12 years old and gradually as they grow older their views will carry more weight. Contact orders normally end when a child reaches 16.

Also after a gap it is common to start off with the odd hour or so contact, possibly supervised, and gradually build it up over sometime. Thus the children can then get used to the idea of contact again and the non resident would need to show commitment at each stage before progressing to the next.

[pinktwink]

yesits generally in the best intrest of children to have contact with both parents. It seems your children are of an age where they may understand their dad is inconsistent but that doesnt mean he doesnt love them

[tamborine]

The Courts will not rule against parental access to children unless their lives are in danger. The father does has have 'conscience' issues hence his waywardness. The children have a choice of seeing him they can be out when he calls etc but its important they learn from his weakness or strengths.

We all have our foibles that our children can adopt or dismiss.

[Whoever]

You do not say how old your children are but I doubt whether a Court would enforce contact without giving them the chance to express their views, if they are old enough. If your husband is an alcoholic, my guess is that as his addiction worsens, his lack to commitment and interest in his children will probably continue, and even if he is granted contact, he will not risk taking enfocement action to take it up, especially if he senses their continual hostility. We have experience of an alcoholic in our family. His children will have no contact with him and whilst he continually moans about this, he will not address the issue of his acoholic behaviour which alienated them in the first place. My guess is this is what may happen in your case. It seems to be common alcoholic behaviour, so you may be worrying unduly. Just concentrate on being a strong parent for your children and you will hopefully eventually find that he fades out of their lives. It will be sad for them not to have a father's influence, but if it's a negative alcoholic one, it's perhaps better that they are not exposed to it.