But if your story is true then the children see you like this you are unstable and it is not good for your children (they will sense it even if you try to hide it) if it is not true then again you are unstable and need to seek professional help as there are people who do come on here with real problems similar to yours and are in fear for their life not defending the person who hurt them this is what you have to understand ,
best things for children being in a stable home enviroment with 1 parent is better than in a home with 2 parents who try to commit suicide or beat up the other partner up when ever they feel like it
i really hope you are on the level as lots of people have put time and effort into writing you answers ,some of whom have lots going on in their own life but ae trying to help you x