Female species are too complicated...

[Foo_Fighter]

I have been "seeing" a girl for a few months, the only problem is, she is with someone.

We go way back to our college years where we fancied each other then. After getting in touch again about 2/3 years ago we kind of sparked things up again and it was lovely to be in touch again. She told me earlier this year that she loves me and wants us to have a future and I feel exactly the same. The problem is... she seems completely unwilling to finish her boyfriend she has been with for about 4 years even though she has told me she will. He's a bit of a loser and they have no real relationship, she has even told me they don't sleep together anymore. I understand if she wants to break up with someone gently, but does it really have to be at my emotional expense?

When I suggest meeting up etc, she seems uninterested. It's breaking my heart, the not knowing and everything and I'm finding it hard to deal with and I’m absolutely sick of being messed about.

She has confessed to me that part of her hesitation is she's scared I will turn into a different person once we make it official. I have told her that I won't, which is truthful but I’m not entirely sure how I can convince her. The more the weeks and months go on, the more trust I lose in her for doing what she keeps telling me she’ll do it.

I really want to be able to give her an ultimatum and stick to it, but I end up missing her terribly. If I do end up ending it with the hope that she will eventual finish him, I could be waiting donkeys years as she clearly has no backbone or confidence to do it.

What shall I do? End it and hope that she does something or just put up with what we’ve got until hopefully she splits with him if I keep pressuring her?

[Ankou]

personally i would give her an ultimatum and then you will know for sure what her intentions are. after that you can deal with what happens.

i wouldn't keep going as you are.

[ummmm]

I'm with Ankou....Ultimatum time.

You also have to consider...will you be able to trust her if you did get together?

[jomifl]

She won't change..

[askyourgran]

Looks as though she is stringing you along. Make or break time.

[ladyalex]

I'm with gran here.
I would also be willing to bet that she does have a real relationship with the 'loser' and that she is sleeping with him.
Sorry to be unkind, but I think you are the 'loser' in this threesome and you'll (eventually) be a whole lot better off if you move on.

[anneasquith]

this relationship is not good for you.

[Scarlett]

You're right- she has no backbone. End it with her. She will no doubt dilly dally with her boyfriend for some time- but not being with you will make her able to work out whether she wants to be with you or him. Don't settle for second best; either she wants to be with you or she wants to be with him. Don't let her mess you around any more- your time is precious and you could be spending it with someone who really wants to be with you 100%.

[Scarlett]

Yes and she will be sleeping with him too- sorry.

[Foo_Fighter]

Thanks for your answers guys. I think I must be in denial!

I just wish I could trust her. I wish she wasn't having a relationship with her boyfriend and I wish I could believe her when she said she wants to be with me.

Perhaps I'm too much of an easy touch :(

[anneasquith]

how can you trust her, when she is cheating on her partner ?

[Foo_Fighter]

I don't suppose it changes much but I haven't slept with her as we agreed that we wouldn't do so until she had actually finished her boyfriend.

[RATTER15]

Are you happy with sloppy 2nds? yuk!!!

[ummmm]

So she's not physically cheating on him. That's a positive...