What are men thinking???

[barclay]

I use to go out with this guy for 3 yrs, we had our fair share of problems. But we were both totally in love. He use to come out with things like, "im just thinking about how im going to ask your dad for your hand in marriage" and speak about names for our children, when we had them. He always said I was the one and that he had never felt this way about anyone before. After a few weeks of not getting on.He broke things off, he said he had fallen out of love with me! this I understand, however since then, he has contacted me and got annoyed with me dating other guys. We had a bit of a one night stand since then.Then he started going out with this other girl.But i am still getting the odd phone calls and txt mgs. he says he is totally in love with his girlfriend, but he still keeps asking me for sex and says how much he misses it.I must get a txt or a phone call at least once a week.He is always asking how I am, and what Im up to! I am going to America this year and he says he really wants to see me before i go? I just dont understand him? does he just want what he cant have? I would really appreciate some guys opinions on this matter!  thanks     

[pixieee]

sorry, im not a guy, but never mind... seems to me that this guy is totally screwing you up. he clearly doesnt want a proper relationship with you, and is just being a total loser in asking you for sex? jsut ask him straight out what he means by doing this, cos i personally think he is acting like a bit of an a*sehole.

[El D]

Confused at best, ******* at worst. You know him better than anyone . . .

[keen2learn]

Run far, run fast.....

This man is bad news, totally centred on what he wants, not recognising or caring what effect his words and actions have on you. Would you even want to settle down with someone who is guaranteed to put himself first in every situation? He doesn't want you (sorry, and he must be crazy!) but he can't bring himself to quite cut the link while he thinks you're still there, waiting for him and willing to have sex with him. So do yourself a huge favour and do it for him. Cut him loose. You're worth more. Good luck.

[blueeyedlass]

personaly i think you should get rid of him totally cut off any contact you have with him and also i have to say i think you should tell his girlfriend because hes probably giving her the same sh*t that he said to you and i think she has a right to know what an a**hole shes going out with.

[dirtyharriet]

Please don't see him before you go to America, he may try to persuade you to stay. That would be such a shame as you have a chance of a future without this ****** trying to ruin things for you with his unbelievable selfishness.

What is it about him that keeps pulling you back to him??

[dimmy]

as a bloke i have to say he's an arse and giving all us decent me a bad name.

chances are he's liking the attention more than anything.

maybe a bit of the grass being greener on the other side senario. he's a player and loving it.

i'v done much the same thing, granted i was younger as in, in my teens. i chased a girl i like and as soon as i go there the chase was over i wasn't really interested in her and she got hurt and i grew up, some dont.

you sound about as lucky in love as me.

all the best with whatever you decide.

[greenday]

Kick him into touch, he's wasting your time. It can only lead to more hurt for all involved.

[barclay]

Well thanks everyone for your feedback, its good to know what other people think. My friends have been telling me for ages to delete his number and ignore his msgs, and just basically get him out my life. You know whats its like though, easier said than done. He will not ruin my plans for going away this summer, that is certain.I never ever contact him! just incase you s thought I go running to him.I think I just need to move on with my life and meet someone else. Thanks again.   

[Chriswood8]

ok right i'm on my own here but i would say in my opinion that he does still love you, he says to you that he is in love with this new girlfriend because he wants to provoke a reaction from you and the reaction he wants could be mainly jelousy and if he gets this reaction it will make him feel better knowing that u still must have feelings for him, if you did get jelouse this proves this to him. it could be a insecurity thing tho. the other thing, about him getting annoyed when u see other guys this is because he is terrified that you might be having sex with them and he is very hurt by this ( i think every1 feels a little hurt when they find out that there ex is with sum1 else) he could aslo be worried in the way that you might have stronger feeling for another guy then you did for him and he feels threatened by this and then may also feel like he's in competion.

but anyways tell him to get over it, you get on with your life and tell him the same!

[raven8401]

If he doesn't want to be in relationship then he shouldn't be able to have sex with you. he's just using you. He just want a rebound girl because maybe his other girl is not giving him what he wants so when he has a problem he come to you and he feel like the only way to get rid of them is to come to you in  hopes of sex. I don't mean so sound rude but tell him to go to hell because you don't need.

[U.S. Amy]

oh honey...been there done that.  He is a mess and I hate to be the one to say this but he hasn't met anyone to replace you yet (and how could he, you're the best he'll ever get...this other woman was just cheap imitation) He's just scared of being alone and wants you to hop back on the Dysfuntion Junction Bus again.

Sorry to tell you the men in America are no better so don't count on too much when you arrive here. Best of luck sister!

[jno]

What this man here is thinking is that you're asking the wrong question. It's the guy's behaviour - toward you - that stinks. You don't need to ask why (do you think that if you could understand him, you might somehow change him?). Maybe, as Chriswood8 says, he's really in love with you. It doesn't matter. What does matter is that you're being treated in a way you find distasteful and upsetting. Act on that.