Can you call yourself a stepparent if you haven't got any kids yourself, and don't you find the word "Step child/son/daughter offensive?

[Yorkiefan]

We've all been there in a conversation where someone without any kids in a new relationship calls themself a "Step parent" or the kids my "Stepson" or my "Stepdaughter"
Don't you think this is disasterously wrong? Surely you're just the boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife of the childs mum/dad and have no right to call themselves a "step parent especially 9/10 when they have no parenting skills and need years of experience before the word "parent" should even be mulled over lightly or even if they did have kids they are new in this situation and have no right to call themselves this? Besides wouldn't you call the term step child/son/daughter offensive? I know i did when i was growing up.
What are your thoughts on this?

[EcclesCake]

In a very new relationship it would seem hasty and presumptuous. However by the the couple have married it seems perfectly in order to use the term step-parent.

I have no clue what the relevance of having your own child has to you being a step-parent and nor can I see why the term step-child is offensive.

[hc4361]

Step parent, step child etc is a legal term. Marry somebody with children and you are automatically a step parent.

I don't think it's an offensive term but I have never been part of a step family. I think if the child's natural mother/father is alive and has a part in the child's life then there is no role for a step parent.

For a wife to refer to her step children as 'my husband's children' seems cold and remote, especially if the children are living with them full time.

The term should never be used where the parent hasn't married the partner.

[ummmm]

If they are in a long term relationship with mum/dad then they are a step parent.

I had no issue with my kids calling their Dads GF their step mum. She looked after them....and did a very good job of it. Even though they've split up she's still in contact with the kids and often comes over to see them.

[Old_Geezer]

Yes
No
I'm sure different things rile different folk but I'm unsure why you are so anti this.

[Yorkiefan]

Sorry i will come back and answer you all but just remembered a very imoprtant question that I have to ask here before I forget as time is of the essence

[friedgreentomato]

yes
no

[Kiki-frog]

I have no children that are biologically my own, but I still refer to Mr Frog's (now grown-up) kids as my stepdaughter and stepson. I feel very close to them both and I think we all like to have a term that describes our relationship.

I'm really interested to know why you find it offensive, though.

[Yorkiefan]

I've always thought that the word "Step" is like "One step away from the family" which is a horrible thought.

[ummmm]

Like hc says...it's a legal term.

[Yorkiefan]

Ummmmm "Legal" doesn't necessarily mean something is right, have you looked at old laws and what's still legal recently? I still think it sounds offensive, are there any other words that could be used which sound more acceptable?

[ummmm]

'have you looked at old laws and what's still legal recently?' Errrr No.

I don't find the term offensive...

[friedgreentomato]

Personally I think 2nd family which is also used sounds horrible - like the first does'nt count!!

[daffy654]

I am not married to my partner of 18 years but I still call his son my stepson, it is not an offensive term at all.

[Barmaid]

Well I'm not married to my partner (yet, it is on the cards) and we all refer to me as Step mum/step children. They are not my children, but we are in a long term relationship. When they are here, I do everything for the children that their mother would do and we are very much a "family unit".

We tend to use it more as a shorthand when we are out anywhere - apart from anything else as a protective measure since we were once out and a waitress referred to me as mum (her assumption, nothing more) which upset my stepson (or my fiance's son for those who are being a bit sensitive). I think referring to the kids as "my fiance's children" is more offensive since it connotes that I have nothing to do with the kids.

I don't think the word "step" is offensive at all, if anything it is inclusive.

[Yorkiefan]

To all step parents did you suddenly introduce yourself as their new step parent or something else the first time or few times you met the kids?

[EvianBaby]

I don't see how it's offensive at all.

Before they married I called my Mums husband 'mums boyfriend'. After they got married I referred to him as 'Step Dad'. He had no children of his own but that doesn't mean anything and tbh Step Dad is just easier to say.

These days I refer to him as 'the devil womans ex husband ex male'. :)

[FredPuli43]

Wold hate to think the definition of parent included 'having parenting skills'. That's most of us excluded with the first child, early on!

It really depends how the boyfriend in a new relationship is regarded by the mother. If she regards him as 'in loco parentis', in the position of parent, and the relationship meant as long term, then she, and the rest of us, may call him 'stepfather' If he is to discipline, direct, protect, provide for the child, as a father does, then he is stepfather.

Why is the term offensive? It's used as a quasi -legal term and it's been in regular use in everyday English from a time when we spoke Old English. It's a factual distinction, distinguishing the biological relationship from the non-biological. It would be odd if a parent continually referred to one child as stepson and the other as son, when it was not necessary by way of explanation; that would be offensive to the 'step-' as suggesting he was inferior or less loved. In practice, parents call all the children son and daughter, whether all are step- or only some are.

[Bambiagain]

I certainly wouldn't see it as appropriate to introduce yourself as a step-parent when the relationship is new. (The only occasion it would be correct to do so would be if the first meeting was actually at the wedding.) Otherwise it is something that comes either with marriage - when it is a legal thing - or if the relationship evolves into a serious one.

[Kiki-frog]

Blimey, Evian, that's a long name to write on a Christmas card!

I was introduced to my step children by my name, and as their dad's new girlfriend. That's fine as that's how it was. Interestingly, it was my step daughter who (some months later) started introducing me to her friends as her step mum. That was a very special moment to me.

[EvianBaby]

There are no Christmas cards, don't have contact with him....well, her I suppose actually.