Diffney Christmas Cracker Quizz
Quizzes & Puzzles72 mins ago
With appologies to all Yorkshire folk.
They have a new way of using Ecstasy in Yorkshire,
They Inject it into the mouth
They call it E by gum
But there's also the chap who takes his cat to the vet and says, "Right lad, I needs to talk to thee about me cat."
The vet enquires, "Is it a tom?"
To which the chap replies, "Don't be daft, I've brot it wi'us."
Barnsley Bill's dog dies. As Isaac (the dog) had been with him for so many years he decides to have a modest gold statuette made by yon jeweller.
Discussing his requirements with the jeweller, the jeweller asks, "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Bill smiles and says, "Nay, I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft bugger. He were a dog not a rabbit!"
A couple are playing 'I spy' in the kitchen of their home somewhere in Yorkshire.
'I spy with my little eye something beginning with T' said the husband.
"Tea pot said the wife." 'Nay Lass!'
"Tea towel." 'Nay Lass!'
"Toaster." 'Nay Lass!' he said, drumming his fingers on the work top.
"Oh I don't know" she said at long last "I give in"
'It's easy' he said. 'It's t'oven!'
A Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "she were thine" engraved on it.
He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral. True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.
When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "she were thin". He explodes - look man, you've left the "e" out, you've left the "e" out!
The stone mason apologises and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning.
Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason - "There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you".
The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud -
"E, she were thin".
They Inject it into the mouth
They call it E by gum
But there's also the chap who takes his cat to the vet and says, "Right lad, I needs to talk to thee about me cat."
The vet enquires, "Is it a tom?"
To which the chap replies, "Don't be daft, I've brot it wi'us."
Barnsley Bill's dog dies. As Isaac (the dog) had been with him for so many years he decides to have a modest gold statuette made by yon jeweller.
Discussing his requirements with the jeweller, the jeweller asks, "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Bill smiles and says, "Nay, I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft bugger. He were a dog not a rabbit!"
A couple are playing 'I spy' in the kitchen of their home somewhere in Yorkshire.
'I spy with my little eye something beginning with T' said the husband.
"Tea pot said the wife." 'Nay Lass!'
"Tea towel." 'Nay Lass!'
"Toaster." 'Nay Lass!' he said, drumming his fingers on the work top.
"Oh I don't know" she said at long last "I give in"
'It's easy' he said. 'It's t'oven!'
A Yorkshireman's wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "she were thine" engraved on it.
He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral. True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look.
When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "she were thin". He explodes - look man, you've left the "e" out, you've left the "e" out!
The stone mason apologises and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning.
Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason - "There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you".
The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud -
"E, she were thin".
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'scuse me marval, see my post at 12.58 http://www.theanswerb...2.html#answer-6125273
(you must read the same paper as me!)
(you must read the same paper as me!)
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