Some old ones but some good ones

[denis567]

They've opened a new shop across the road selling camouflage clothing
but I have my suspicions something weird is going on. Yesterday I saw 20
people go in but I never saw anyone coming out

I've been on the phone for ages trying to book tickets for an Elvis
tribute act, but it keeps asking me to press 1 for the money, 2 for the
show ....

I just brought a friend of mine a new fridge, should have seen his face
light up when he opened it

A friend of mine moved into a new house at the weekend so I took him
over a couple of radiators. Just a little house warming present.

I've just heard the window cleaner shouting and swearing outside my
house. I think he's lost his rag

I went to my allotment last week and found someone had covered it with
2 inches of soil
I went again yesterday only to find it covered again with another 2
inches of soil. The plot thickens !

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I
was standing there I noticed four grave diggers walking about with a
coffin ...
3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to
myself, these guys have lost the plot

My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to
our local pet shop and they were £50. Sod that, I thought, I can get one
cheaper off the web.

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.

I start a new job in Seoul next week ... I thought it was a good Korea
move.

I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van parked up.
The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.
I thought to myself, “That guy's heading for a breakdown”.



--

[katburd]

thanks for posting those I can hardly see for laughing :)

[EDDIE51]

I am thinking of joining the AAAA it's for people who have been driven to drink.

[marval]

lol

[JonnyBoy12]

Very very funny!

Can you post some more like this?

[eastern]

Think youv'e been reading Tim Vines joke book! They are good but they are his.

[denis567]

Sorry, eastern, I have not been reading Tim Vine's joke book, I didn't even know he had one. They were sent to me in an email, so I just copied them to AB

[boxtops]

Some of those are really good - I like "the plot thickens"!